Seattle Freeze

If I took over the country...

2009-10-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

I've been MIA for a while and I have a good excuse for that...but, you don't care so I'll just post something I wrote yesterday when I finally had some spare time.

I've been thinking of taking over the world lately, you know, because I recently realized that I'm invincible. Or...it may have something to do with the female Captain America Halloween costume I just ordered.

Which got me thinking about the opposite of CA.

If I were evil ...

1. All caffeinated drinks would be illegal.

2. Coffee (decaf, of course) is required to be cold.

3. No such thing as paid vacation, sick leave, maternity leave or the FMLA. If you don't show up-you're fired 'The Apprentice' Style by Trump, himself.

4. All meetings will be scheduled for 4:30 PM on Fridays and last, at least 2 hours tops (even if 'fillers' are needed to make this happen-think any meeting on The Office).

5. Schwarzenegger would be my second in command and he is required to make a 45 minute speech on all stations daily during prime time...no channel is excluded.

6. New motto on our money: In God We Trust...Fo shizzle.

7. It is mandatory that the DMV actually weigh you at the time of licensing or renewing.

8. Upon entering college, you are required to take a test like they do in gradeschool that shows what jobs you may be 'talented' in. You are then REQUIRED by law to get education for and have a career in one of those professions (this will cut down on all the 'hope' that people have that they can overcome obstacles, etc.) or work in a daycare. Either way…it will most likely be the worst job ever.

9. A requirement to break out into a song and dance routine every other day at 1 PM will be enforced by area school glee clubs.

10. No cheerleaders, strippers (exotic dancers) or fashion shows.

10. No cheerleaders, strippers (exotic dancers) or fashion shows...it needed to be said twice.

11. Mere commonfolk (ie. anyone but me and my peeps) would only have access to domestic, highly commercialized beer (ie: Coors, Bud, Miller or anything ending in ‘light’) and wine and no hard A.

12. Every company you call will send you through to an automated line and every button you push will just put you deeper into the abyss of computer-generated voices. If you ever do happen to talk to a representative, they will sound like any person you’d ever talk to at Dell or Dell Financial Services (they will never note anything in your account, will not apply payments correctly and charge you undue finance charges in excessive amounts, will not take responsibility for their mistakes, will NOT speak English fluently, will ask you if you restarted your computer 6 times before they actually try something different and will not be wrong…even if they are).

13. Birth control and drug tests would be required to receive any sort of welfare (can’t decide if being evil to the needy or being responsible is actually the evil part).

The breakage of any of these rules/laws will result in any of the following:
-A specified amount of time forced watching either The Golden Girls reruns or The Simple Life.
-Gilbert Gottfried would follow you around all day repeating your every word...to everyone until either: you have a mental breakdown or everyone else starts to sound like him.
-You'd be required to rewrite the actual Constitution of the United States in lolspeak and then explain it to your relatives over the age of 55 until they are fluent enough to post their own lolcatz on the internets.

SeaTac Airport Rant by Liverfire

2009-08-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

I’m not retarded….I swear

I don’t know if any one else gets called retarded every now and then, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been called that more than once. The most recent, and of course, now the most prominent was the last time I had to endure SeaTac. Landing in Seattle upon arrival should have been my first clue that I should have brought Graphite (my seeing-eye dog). I was supposed to wait on the plane for the flight attendant to come get me, but I didn’t and just headed to the back. The attendant that was supposed to come help me rushed from the front and found out that all she had to do was point to the exit for me. She was actually very nice and not condescending.

I made it down the stairs of the plane, probably to their amazement ("their" meaning the flight attendants and the helper waiting for me at the bottom.) And there also at the bottom was a wheelchair. For a split second I thought maybe we were waiting for someone else. But my heart sank a little when I remembered I was the last one on the frickin' plane. Just a reminder, I walked down the stairs on my own two (very functional) legs. Yet, the helper still asked if I needed the wheelchair (sigh) I just said “no, I can just walk with you” She was nice but seemed a little irritated, maybe she thought I was too lazy to find my own damn way out of the airport or maybe she did think I was retarded.

After my fun filled-trip in Seattle I had the most frustrating time I’ve ever had in an airport. SF walked me to the gate (well we thought it would be my gate). I talked to the foreign chick (I’m not a racist but she kind of made me think twice about ummm, foreigners) and I told her I would need assistance getting to the plane, in hindsight I should have said that I needed a sighted guide. She said ok and someone would come get me when the plane was getting ready to board. I thought 'ok, I’ll sit here and try to look insignificant for a while'.

I overheard that the gates in my section were getting changed one after the other I just knew mime was coming up too. Sure enough mine was switched. Only eight gates down and I probably would have found it just fine but I went up to the desk anyway. There was another guy asking about the switch and right there I should have kept my mouth shut and just subtly followed him to the gate. But a bit of panic took over and I told her I needed assistance. So she looks over at a couple of workers and said and I quote “This girl is retarded or something can you bring her to her gate?” It took me a moment to figure out what she said, due to the thick accent.

When it finally processed what she said I almost slammed my hand on the desk and screamed at her. Instead, being the whimp that I am, I said “I’m not retarded just vision-impaired, that’s all.” And btw there was an older couple standing right there looking at me knowing what was going on and which gate I was going to but they said nothing. So this girl came over, told me to follow her and I, again, reiterated that I was just vision-impaired. She didn’t reply. She had me get on a shuttle, another worker (a guy) also got on. He heard the whole thing too and acted all cheerful and shit and annoyingly asking me how my day was and where I was going. Me, close to tears, responded with one word answers. They stopped at my gate said something and I got off without a word. Big surprise-the same guy I could have followed was standing there, he didn’t say anything to me...fucking idiot.

As I stood there that older couple that witnessed the humiliation came wandering over. Again not saying a word. This girl that had not witnessed the BS came up and asked to use my phone...yay! I felt normal again.

That lasted about a minute until the gal at the podium called me. She told me that someone would help me, again I had to explain I didn’t need a wheelchair or an elevator just a sighted guide. At that point I wished I would have told her I didn’t need any help and went back to talk to the girl that used my phone. Then the stupid ass pilots needed to rest or something so I had to just stand there like a moron for ten minutes. They announced that any passengers that had kids or needed assistance can board. I went up there and she said someone was coming for me. The dumb bitch proceeds to allow all passengers on. I had to back out of the way of the crowd. The person who came to help was looking for me. I was behind the crowd and I had to make my way through and announce that I was the one they were looking for. At this point I was about ready to kill myself. I followed the gal down the two flights of stairs and noticed that I could probably have done this all on my own. I am used to those jet ways they have that you have to walk a long distance with multiple doors to choose from. The plane was pretty much right out the door. So I asked the girl helping me how many rows there were and said I needed the back doorway. I went up the stairs by myself, much to her mild surprise, I’m sure. Found my seat next to some guy and I tried for a while not to cry. My spirits were lifted when they said there was beer.

I try not to think “oh why, oh why me” but it’s hard when shit like this happens. I have had flight attendants that were crabby outright and others that were indifferent and even the airport workers were usually pretty nice. Though one time a guy drove me in one of those shuttles up to this big area that had a bunch of gates and pointed in the general direction of my gate. I nearly missed the flight cuz I wasn’t sure which door to go to. And all I do before I have to fly anywhere is stress about finding where I need to go. I know no one else even thinks about it twice when they fly. It’s not a big deal...you just follow the signs, and if you can’t see the signs? Well fuck you, your screwed. That’s when I get the "why me" syndrome and wonder why I even bother with the traveling by myself anyway. It gets tiresome dealing with the idiots that have never dealt with a blind person before. I wonder what happens when they have to deal with a real retarded person.

Let's welcome Liverfire!!!

2009-08-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

Remember a long time ago when I said that if you'd like to 'ghost-post' on my blog, I'd be happy to give you the opportunity to make that dream happen?!?

Well, recently a longtime friend of mine expressed interest in trying her hand at writing so I offered to let her post here from time to time so let's all welcome Liverfire! (this is where you clap and yell)...

Here's her introduction:

I grew up on a dairy farm in ND (insert jokes here) and had a normal childhood. At some point, we found that I was having vision problems that only became worse as I got older. It took a few years for the doctors to figure out what I had. It has a German name but it is considered the juvenile form of Macular Degeneration. My vision became worse until it plateaued sometime in my adolescence.

Since my official diagnosis at age ten, I proceeded to spend the next fifteen years or so pretending that I was “normal” like everyone else. 'Pretending' as in someone saying “did you see that?” and me replying "yes". That happened a lot. I actually didn’t get myself in to too many bad situations. I never fell off any cliffs or got run over, stuff like that. I became really good at guessing what things I couldn’t see looked like or making myself have a good memory so I could do better on tests… I can delve in to that kind of stuff later.

It took me a few years after high school to figure out what I wanted to do with my “life”. But when I finally did, with much kicking and screaming, I became a Practitioner of Chinese Medical Massage. I met my current boyfriend and we moved in together. I had lived in the country my whole life and always did fine walking around. But after living in town I realized something was missing. I had a couple of scares with cars and their crazy drivers. I met a, now great friend, wonderful person who was using a guide dog. She explained the whole process to me and I just knew I had to get one. So in a very short amount of time I received my guide, Graphite.
More stories of him to come in the near future.

Well this is where Liverfire's story begins...Any stories from her will be noted in the headline. Enjoy!

It's shitty fashion week!

2009-08-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

If you're human, you've noticed the fashion trends that come and go here in the good old U.S of A. Personally, I fail to understand the reasons behind why we thought they were cool then...let alone now...
Remember bell bottoms in the 70's? Then you'll remember how the trend came back sometime in the early 2000's?
Or baby doll dresses from the 60's that made a comeback in the 90's? Or cat's eye glasses from the 50's that are actually retro right now?!

Now I know this site doesn't necessarily cater to females, but I am a female and am hoping that this post will help other females from making some serious mistakes I've noticed in the fashion world (for this season, at least). Plus, I'm fairly sick of the lack of options in the mall right now...so anything I can do to deter the shitty buying behavior that people with no taste get suckered into, will make me feel better. Now don't get me wrong, I'm definitely NOT a fashionista but since I have a forum to vent, you all get to hear my rant so here goes...

I've decided to stick with the fashion trends that are hot right now or what is being marketed as hot for the next season (fall). I've picked the crappiest (in my opinion) of what's out there.

Skinny jeans.

There is no way in fucking hell that this trend is cool. Even the punk kids and skaters that made these popular again look like douchebags in training. They are jeans that are taper into a pencil cut at the ankles...so, what? You can see my socks better? I guess for guys with a larger than normal 'package', this could work out in their favor....

I think this trend gives people the idea that they can actually wear them...which is false. Not everyone can wear these jeans...no matter how 'in' they are. First...men shouldn't wear them. Second, overweight people shouldn't (and usually can't) wear them. People who weigh over 93 pounds shouldn't wear them. Short people shouldn't wear them (because they're too long usually). Anyone who wants to be taken seriously shouldn't wear them. Anyone who isn't in between 15 and 17 years old and isn't a Jonas brother shouldn't wear them. The Jonas brothers shouldn't wear them. Does that help?

Oversized glasses.

There's been a post in the forums for quite some time about this and I'll admit, I agree with all the comments. There is no reason for glasses this big. Unless, of course, you're trying to cover the fact that your nose is comparable to Barbara Streisand's or hiding your resemblances to the Hiltons.

Ed Hardy...anything.

I just don't get the fashion craze this designer has formed. His designs make my head ache...there is way too much going on that I feel like I have vertigo just walking by the rack. If I wanted to look like trailer trash, I could find something in my sisters closet instead of paying the exorbitant prices that are plastered on this crap.

So I ask you this...if I ever buy anything Ed Hardy, please buy me a 6 pack of PBR and some crystal meth, tune the TV in to Nascar, give me a broken lawn chair, a box of bleach hair dye and write me off.

Gladiator Sandals.

Ok, even I'll admit that some variations of these CAN be cute BUT they are few and far between...I promise you this. They were cool in the movies Sparta and 300, otherwise I haven't seen a pair in real life that meets my standards and I don't have standards. Enough said.

Laddered stockings.

It's true...this is actually a fashion on the upswing to trendiness. To explain it: you basically just take a good pair of tights or nylons (which cost anywhere from 5-50 dollars) and...rip them so they are particularly worthless.

So, I already gave you the talk about how to treat me given that I buy anything Ed Hardy now...let's move on to if I decide I'd like to dress like a homeless person...with a car...and a job...and a home. How can something that makes you look like you had rough sex in an alley with the likes of Billy Thornton against a dumpster, be trendy? I'd like to help the fashion world by repealing the attractiveness of this fashion statement. DON'T DO IT!

Hypercolor.

This is almost as bad as neon...no wait...it's worse. The point of hypercolor is that heat changes the color of the fabric. Sounds pretty cool right? Think about it this way...what happens under your arms during the day? What if you're wearing a pair of shorts or tights that are hypercolor? Yeah, I'd love to advertise that I'm sweaty or (dare I say) 'hot' in certain places. Talk about awkward. This trend needs to stay in the 90's on Beverly Hills 90210 where it belongs...although it was a fleeting movement then also.

Crocs.

Bring back jelly shoes instead-at least kids looked cute in those. Crocs are for people who don't have any sense of fashion...therefore the term 'fashion trend' when it comes to Crocs is misleading.

Just don't. That's all.

The next time you shop, remember my advice. And if you still can't figure out what to do, I do make house/store calls. I really don't mind telling you that you look like an asshat, fucktard or poser...let me know if I can help. Until then, I'll be at the nearest vintage/consignment store looking for 'real' fashion.

And don't forget to miss fashion week in New York, September 10-17th!

The scarlet letter of first dates...

2009-08-18T15:41:00.000-07:00

You know how first dates usually go: The awkward silences after you admit that you blog. The vapid looks you give after he tells you he lives in his parents basement. The emotional roller-coaster when he walks away because even if he wasn't exactly what you wanted...what if, just what if...he's great in the sack?

Wouldn't it just be great if society didn't judge you based on your rampant promiscuous tendencies but rather on the quality of your performance? But, that's probably a different blog...I digress...

Today I'll finger the first date fuck. You know you've all done it and if you haven't, you're forgetting someone. If I've done it, you have. Ok...bad example, I've probably done a lot of things you haven't...

So, my point is...who's to say that getting down after a first date is a bad thing? What's the point of spending all that time getting to know someone if you can't test drive them first to see if maybe they are someone you might want to introduce your friends to, or at least, let sweat all over you again?

And why should we have to think about it so much? I agree that my train of thought is a bit progressive and liberal (albeit maybe jaded too) than that of my conservative counterparts but why do we put so much stock into what's going to happen next in relationships?

I'd rather just live and let live. Diddling skittles with a guy on the first date doesn't necessarily mark you for life as a harlot. There is something to be said for the vibes you are getting from the other party that play a huge role in what your intentions become. Why should you be able to enjoy each others company in all aspects of conversation and the fun factor of being with someone just as long as it stops at the bedroom?

I'll admit that I haven't said 'yes' to every guy who's tried to bed me after the first date but I have...on occasion. You probably wouldn't blame me if I told you the circumstances either. There's something to be said for the right wine, the perfect conversation, the way he touches your hand across the table, how many times he stops talking because (he says) he had to catch his breath at the sight of you, the way he pulls you close to his hard body and whispers in your ear as he kisses you on the pier overlooking the sound at sunset.

Yeah, it's happened a few times...wow...calm down Seattle...

Ok...back to business after a short break...

(Insert Jeopardy theme here...)

...

Having sex on the first date doesn't necessarily rule out a potential future relationship with a person. In my advice, it just makes things a lot less difficult-you got the main stress factor out of the way, right? Smooth sailing from there.

I should warn though that communication is very, very important. By no means should you lead the other party to believe something that isn't true. For example, don't play like you intend to have a relationship with the person if you're not or play like you don't want one if you actually do. Make sense?

I've found that as long as I'm true to my intentions, things are usually very clear for both parties involved.

Failure to communicate is the biggest issue when it comes to relationships for as far back as there is human history...why would it be any different for fucking on the first date?

I've heard that this messes with the 'chase' that people are so enamored with but, if this is the case, shouldn't we also be a little worried about the 'wasting of our time' aspect of things. Personally, I've had a 'connection' with people that ended at the bedroom door because there was nothing there to keep me coming back for more. It's sad but it does happen. It's better even yet when you've found that person and figured out on the first date that he/she is everything you were hoping for!

With all this said, if it is meant to be, it's meant to be. Go into dating with no expectations so that you'll be pleasantly surprised or, at least, not disappointed...this goes for sex too, I've learned.

My disclaimer: don't make this a run of the mill thing you do...if so, you deserve the slut tag you will be pinned with. Come on...you know what feels like the right connection. And you know when you just need sex because you're a whore in training...figure it out.

So the next time you feel the bond with someone on a first date, take my ever-experienced advice and let all your worries go. You are a new age woman/man-you deserve this!

'Glam'-ping-how chicks camp!

2009-08-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of girls...even though I AM one. I do, however, see how having female friends is an important factor. With that said, I'm picky about my girlfriends. I tend to steer towards the low-maintenance, non-medicated kinds. Being med-free in Seattle is not as easy as it sounds what with all the drugs needed to keep from suffering seasonal affected disorder (my advice-visit a tanning booth once in a while. Don't worry about the UV's-can't be any worse than suicide).

Back from the tangent. Girlfriends + Seattle = Camping. Yeah, doesn't make any sense yet but read on...

A few weeks ago, 6 of my girlfriends and I went camping. Having reserved our campsite in February at Deception Pass on Whidbey Island, WA, we were excited to get back to nature...which, in girl terms, means limited water supply and the possibility of being eaten by huge bugs or worse...Big Foot.

Guys will say that it isn't camping unless you have to hike in with everything on your back, fight bears for your dinner and pee outside. A friend of mine mentioned that car camping is more like pretending to be homeless for a few nights, not camping.

I'll just say this-I'm not THAT into camping. If I can't drive to within 4 feet of my reserved spot (preferably near a plumbed bathroom), I want nothing to do with it. Isn't it bad enough that I'm not going to shower for 2 days?

Since we're all from Seattle and Washington is known for it's plethora of wineries, we're all a little 'into' wine...not that you can tell from our selection below though. We figured that the leftover shit beer (anything ending in the word 'Light') from the 4th of July party would go first, then we'd follow up with wine so, by that point, it wouldn't matter. Plus, it's camping. Never fear though, there was Corona AND lime!

And just so you know...this pic is missing several bottles of wine-we tried to keep most of the white wine cold plus the cheap beer (not that it mattered, it tasted like shit anyway).

Two of my friends and I actually arrived a little late (fucking Seattle traffic) but this was a good thing...we didn't have to set up tents!

I'll go off on another tangent here so that you all understand something-my gf's have a 'quote book'...this is usually just a piece of paper that we write noteworthy sayings in that we usually vomit out while drinking then publish them later in the actual book that's floating around. I'll be using a few of the really good ones here. And just remember...things are funnier when you're drunk so...I guess I should have warned you to get sloshed prior to reading today's post!

"We need lots of wood. Do you need some wood? We're wood magnets."

The first night we ate ropa vieja (none of that shitty camping food for us Seattle women) and drank red wine thus coining the term 'glam'ping (glam camping for those of you without imaginations).

Washing the dishes after cooking is always the worst at least until SC quoted, "Naked shower time with the dishes! Time to do the dishes...everyone get naked!"

Sorry...no links to said 'dishes time' videos. ;)

"Looks like somebody just jizzed on my leg."

Saturday started out like any Saturday after drinking and campfires....slowly with mimosas.

We had tons of chips, beer, wine, cookies but...no 'real' food-we forgot the eggs for breakfast...we had priorities.

Saturday we ended up spending most of the day at the beach near DP campground and got sunburnt. I would have included a pic of mine but...I forgot to take it and now it's peeling so...NOT attractive.

"Any flat, white substance is pretty good." - in talking about crepes, lefse and pancakes. ;)

Washington has GREAT beaches! Forget San Diego and Florida! This is the 'real' stuff!

Have you ever noticed how campground toilets are sooo much higher than regular toilets?

If I'm swinging my feet, it's too high. Where the fuck do they get their stats on how high to set them? Isn't the average female like 5'5"? I'm almost 5'7" so it was pretty lame that I couldn't touch the ground.

Average toilet:

Campground toilet: Add 4 inches.

So...what do you do when there's a lag time between the beach and cooking dinner? Drinking games, of course.

Well honestly it didn't start out that way. It started out as a hike. I'll be the first to admit that the premeditated red keg cups filled with wine were the first indicator that this hike was NOT going to be the normal 'let's get some exercise, see nature, get our heart rate up' kind of thing...although 2 of our girls actually set out ahead of us to do just that.

This is the note they came back to:

After a few paces realizing that we couldn't walk and drink at the same time without spilling on ourselves, we decided that if anyone needed to take a drink, we'd all stop and drink at the same time.

Then after a while of watching cars go by and having to clear off the road (not actually having left the campground) we decided to drink when cars went by...then it escalated into drinking when we saw a green tent, then a dog, then a child with no bike helmet...needless to say, we were a bit trashed after the first lap of the campground. So...what do we do? We lap again! Of course!

"Let me put it between my legs and twist it."

By the end of the night we were all 'A.D. fucking Drunk'. We did real camp food (sausages and hamburgers) and crashed in our respective tents.

The next morning we realized we had about 1 magnum and about 2 bottles wine left and a mix of various cheap beer...but that was all! And best yet? No hangovers!

Are we pros or what?

So you might be saying to yourself 'When's the next trip? I'm in!'

September, of course. And better yet...it's Co-Ed! Bring your friends.... ;)

Now you all know that all my girlfriends are just as fucked as I am...doesn't this make you want to camp with us?

"China Wok in Burlington screams food poisoning to me."

Pics by SC, LJ and SF.

Today I realized that I'm a whore...

2009-08-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

...and not the kind that gets paid for her 'services' either.

But what makes me feel better is that YOU are too! I ran across a study recently (a study actually released in 2007) that notes the average number of sexual partners a man has is 7 and the average number for women is 4.

4!?!

You can imagine my surprise when I realized that my number is actually more than 4 x's that amount! And I don't live in New York where the median number is still only 9!

The moment of truth: I've had a few one night stands-one of which I had twice! I met a guy at a bar (ugh), went home with him and never called him. Four months later at the same bar we replayed the first night over again with me, knowing full well, that he didn't recognize me.

I slept with a guy who was a virgin and only remembered his name last winter when my sister and I were talking about old friends...he was her friend and she doesn't know I had sex with him. I was only 19 though and he was only my 2nd partner (I didn't start having sex til I was out of high school, at least).

I'm really not sure how it would go over if I told her-I assume it would be fine since she's married now with multiple kids and they were only friends anyway but...for now, I'll just keep this info to myself.

I've had many 'relationships' (be it a friend with benefits situation or actual boyfriend). And by many, I mean...MANY. Dating is a part of life-with every relationship you're supposed to learn something about yourself or about people. I've realized recently that these relationships have helped me gain an understanding about men that people, like my youngest sister-who will soon marry the only person she's ever been with-will never be able to comprehend.

While I envy the fact that she was able to find and marry the 'one' the first time out, I also wonder if I'd wonder 'what if'?

What if I missed out on opportunities sexually?

What if there is someone else out there that is just that much more 'in tune' with me?

What if my vision of 'romance' can be topped?

With all that said, I know for sure that I haven't missed out-which makes me understand that I could be ready for a stable relationship if one should catch my eye.'

But I digress...

I do have a list but not because I need to remember their names but because notches on my bedpost (of which actually has been the same since I started having sex) seemed a big callous. Although, I'll also admit that I have a 'name' or two on the list that include 'guy from fall 2007', 'bar guy' and, until recently, 'the virgin'.

I guess I take solace in the fact that "women with higher numbers tend to be more educated, have more liberal views and higher self-esteem."

But doesn't that sound just about opposite of what we've always been led to believe? If you sleep with too many people, don't you devalue sex in a way? Isn't sex supposed to be special?

Yes, yes it is! But sometimes, just sometimes...it's a means to an end. Please don't patronize me by saying 'I never just have sex because I'm horny. It's always special and loving and sensitive' because I know you're not being honest.

Once in a while, it's just sex. I'm not saying it should be unfeeling, just that sometimes-it's filling a need for the moment.

I'm also not saying that 'just sex' is the way you should always have sex. Everyone knows that the best sex is with someone you truly have feelings for...if you haven't, you are missing out-I PROMISE!

I know for a fact that I have a higher than normal sex drive-it's even been an 'issue' in a few relationships.

Yes, it is possible for a woman to want more sex than a guy can provide. I have a friend whom I think might be just as exuberant as me but maybe she's not as willing to be as daring.

The point? Go forward and have sex! Don't let your numbers worry you or lack of numbers keep you from being with the one that makes you happy. It's all relative, right?

Source.

Source2.

Advice!

2009-07-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

Someone should limit my alcohol intake...things like this happen more often when I'm not being supervised. What? ...you might ask.

I've created another blog...well, at least this time, I have help.

My friend, Alex, and I have created an advice column-style blog called Degrees of Crazy. Right now we're trolling the net looking for people to submit questions or requests for advice...a general 'peaking of interest', you might say.

Why ask us? Because we have an advice column, duh. And...you'll get a response-no matter what the question-within 48 hours...on the blog. It can be anonymous, just make sure you state as such in your email. Both of us have different areas of expertise and resources available...just remember-ANY QUESTION you want answered, will be. Remember...you must, MUST have a sense of humor-some replies may not be what you expect but will always be honest. :) We will NEVER include email addresses/phone numbers/Facebook pages, etc. So...no worries there. :)

And...everything is confidential if you want it anonymous. You have our word. Scouts honor.

With that said, just click on the link below to go to our blog and email us at degreesofcrazy@gmail.com.

Degrees of Crazy

Oh and ... I'll be writing as 'Eve' on Degrees of Crazy as opposed to Seattle Freeze on the other 2 blogs. :)

PS-We both also write for Morphine Nation! Check it out!

Zero Punctuation game reviews: Overlord 2

2009-07-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

Yes...this is funny even for non-gamers. ;)

Comic-Con - Not just for nerds anymore...

2009-07-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, it might still be for nerds but that's only you need to take into consideration their choice of movies/television. If eagerly awaiting the G.I. Joe movie or enjoying a few sparkling vampires here and there is nerdy, I don't want to be cool.

If anything, it's not just for comic book fans anymore as more and more movies are based on comic books and children's toys.

My point is Comic-Con = the epitome of coolness. My sister goes every year and she's...well...she's an orc and has a slight addiction to World of Warcraft and her husband actually owns a light saber and Stormtrooper costume. Ok, bad example but I promise, it's cool!

Let me count the ways that Comicon is cool this year:

G.I. Joe - Remember these toys?!? My brothers had 2 girl G.I. Joes - Lady Jayne and Baroness (Cobra). They let me play but only THESE 2 CHARACTERS. In no way, shape or form would my Barbie dolls suffice as female soldiers or I would be excommunicated from the room.

But, I digress...I cannot, CANNOT wait for this movie...if even just for nostalgia reasons. Plus...I'd totally let Channing Tatum destroy me. ;)
New Moon - Ok so no one reading Morphine Nation is going to think New Moon is cool but ... there are bad parents out there letting their 14 year old daughters post on Reddit so...this is for you girls!

Sparkly jealous vampires and manic depressive shapeshifters vying the attention of a klutzy clueless nobody. Sounds like my kind of movie. Futurama - ZOMG! It's back!!! It's back!!! Ok, so the new episodes won't air til mid-next year but...SQUEEL! It's back!

Check out the Futurama/Simpsons/24 panel at Comic-con! Alice in Wonderland - Yes, you read it right. Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland includes....*drumroll*.... JOHNNY DEPP! That pirate that we all adore puts on a top hat and renews the roll of the Mad Hatter in true Depp style. Toy Story 3 - "Son of a building block! It's Woody!" My favorite Pixar movie of all time was Toy Story, then they made a sequel. And....IT DIDN'T SUCK! It was, quite possibly, BETTER!

Now Pixar has again joined forces with Disney to create Toy Story 3!!! In 3D!!!

To infinity! And beyond! The Vampire Diaries - Another vampire series? Do we really need it? Well, vampires ARE hot right now so I guess...YES! The premiere of VD is in September and I'm fairly certain I'll be glued to the TV that night.

I know I'm not 14 but...I do enjoy a good vampire show. And better yet, THEY DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE! Dollhouse - I've probably only watched an episode or 2 of this show but for those of you who adored Elisha Dushku on Buffy or Angel, you can get your fix Friday nights this fall here.

Oh yeah, I think all those other people are in it too... This isn't to say that any or all of these actors will actually make appearances AT Comic-Con but, chances are you'll have sightings of celebrities that aren't scheduled to show. I have good information that notes 'CRAZIER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED!'

My point? If you like stuff...GO! Have fun!

Bring me pics!

A girls guide to being single...

2009-07-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Now don't get me wrong...I date. I date a few people exclusively. I sleep with only one person though...err...not sleep with one person (yeah, that's it).

How do I do it without the biological clock buzzing it's way through my forehead? I don't...I have internal bleeding and possibly brain damage.

How do I do it though without drugs or meds? How do I remain calm? Practice. Patience. And...the understanding that I'M REALLY OK BEING SINGLE! (drugs are for the weak)...

In talking with a friend yesterday, she was telling me about some other of her friends that just NEED to have a boyfriend-they feel like having a man in their lives completes them in a way.

And while I totally agree with having a steady as a good thing, I don't think that NOT having a boyfriend is a bad thing. There are just as much pressures being in a relationship as there are NOT being in a relationship.

Being single, I have my dad pressuring me to move home to the midwest and looking forward to hooking me up with a dairy farmer with the promise of never having to work again. While the not working bit is tempting, the having 5 kids and living a few hundred miles from a Macy's isn't. A girls gotta have her priorities, right?

I also have the friends' weddings to attend. Singly. Yeah, these are rough. Over the weekend I attended a girlfriend's wedding. It was nice, short and casual (the best type). The scary part-I wanted that. A year ago at my brother's wedding-I didn't (with that said, I don't actually want the 'wedding' part-too much work). The difference? I'm not settling.

It seems that people settle too much for people they don't connect with because they are either A. Afraid of being single or B. Stupid about love.

That being said, even I have dated people for long periods of time knowing the relationship had an expiration date. There's something to be said for 'filling a need' and convenience. My advice though? Don't get sucked in. Don't get in so deep that you lose yourself, your friends or your passions.

Being with right someone should ADD TO your life, not make it more difficult or bring you more stress. Relationships are work, I understand this. But, in no way should they hurt you (physically, emotionally or verbally). This goes for girls too. Believe you me...I know girls are horrible and just as 'at fault' for problems.

Now for a few tips from none other than the Seattle Freeze to help you in 'single-dom':

1. Hang out with your friends/family...ALOT. If you don't, you will be sad. You will be sad all the time. Even if you don't notice it, it will take you over. You WILL need meds to get out of it...and no one wants that. Note: hang out with people who are just as happy with being single as you are. There's no need to make yourself miserable by hearing everyone else complain about NOT having a boyfriend. Keep it clear with family though-YOU ARE IN NO HURRY TO SETTLE. Dads should especially understand this one...

2. Date. Date ALOT. You're thinking 'easier said than done', right? Nope...it's easy. I promise. It's called THE INTERNET. I'm not talking Craigslist...I'm talking actual dating sites. I know you've heard the horror stories, etc. but...personally, I'm on one. I've only had one bad experience. Otherwise, I've learned a lot about what I want, what I don't want and made a few really great friends. But also, if friends hook you up with someone, GO! Just get out. The point is...give it a chance, don't judge based on 3 or 4 bad dates. If you don't want to-stop bitching about being single. Suck it up, make your dog your beneficiary and stay in the basement for all I care...hey-less competition for me.

3. Keep busy. The more you get out, the more you are able to meet people. In meeting these said 'people', the more you get invited to do things (parties, hikes, boating, golf, etc.). The more you get invited to do things, the more people you meet. The more people you meet doing things you like, the better your chances are at meeting someone who likes doing things you like too. Bars don't count. Anyone can go to a bar, meet someone, spend a hot sweaty hour against a dumpster in an alley and think they've met the 'one' because you're the only one who's ever contracted this rare type of STD from him...it MUST be fate.

4. Take care of yourself. Go to the gym! Trust in hygiene...I promise good things will abound (guys-manscaping is a beautiful concept). Personally, I shave my legs EVERY DAY. Helps with the whole 'feeling good about myself thing'.Plus you never know, right? ;) The better care you take of yourself, the more people will notice that you care about things. If you care, it shows. Hell, recycle if that's what it takes. No one is going to judge you harshly for taking care of the planet.

5. Set the biological clock to 'snooze'. Let's talk babies... If you want kids that badly, you'll find a different way than to trap some poor schmuck into a relationship that neither of you will be happy in. With this said, do not, I repeat-DO NOT marry someone just because you are pregnant. It's just not worth it...I promise. You ARE strong enough to do it on your own if he's not 'the one'...again, I promise. I wear a ring every day that says 'all the strength you need is inside you.' DON'T FORGET THIS!

Plus, there are other options...but I'll leave that for another post (a more controversial, I assume, post).

There shouldn't be a time clock on relationships. You want to make sure you are with someone for the right reasons. Those reasons vary depending on the kind of person you are but basically, the right person will compliment you, as in how black clothing compliments most body types.

Do NOT pressure. Period. Guys HATE this. Girls hate this too but we have the worst habits of trying to rush things. My point is...there's no reason to be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of saying 'I have a boyfriend'. Being with someone shouldn't define you.

Someone recently told me this: I want to be with someone that I am trying to find reasons to leave rather than searching for reasons to stay in the relationship.

This is helpful if those reasons to leave are hard to find...but by all means, don't make up reasons to leave. Give things a chance (at least for a while). No rush, right?

Station Nation Eight - Hamsters & other scary things

2009-07-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

Remember how I told you guys I was going to do a podcast with a few other people from the Morphine Nation staff? Well...IT FINALLY GOT POSTED!

PS-NSFW ... probably...unless you work in an adult book store or the senate...then you're ok.

LINK!!!!!!

Also...more fun news coming next week!!!

Hairline fractures in the GIRL CODE

2009-07-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

You've heard it whispered among your girlfriends and sisters. You've probably felt some of the aftershocks when the trembling reverberations have lessened. You've even been the unwilling participant in some sort of 'lesson learned' regarding the code itself. What am I talking about? the much talked about but rarely written down: GIRL CODE.

It's a code that exists among girls to help us exist WITH other girls without fatally wounding each other with our sometimes Wolverine-esque fingernails and diva personalities.
The code is supposed to help us with a realm of things such as dating/relationships, fashion and social faux pauxs. It has helped many girls not be ostracized by her own gender for situations that are completely controlled within the code.

...and it has cracks.

With this said, I expect to have support from you guys because I'll be shunned and I'll be ousted and I'll be bullied and teased beyond what is clinically acceptable for normal behavior. But still I bring it to you today. The girl code...and how to crack it.

1) If you change boyfriends so fast they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to as "The boy" or "That guy". - Yes. For the love of God. Yes. This one is self explanatory. I'm sure guys have some sort of 'rule' against this also. Plus...it's just unnecessary to do so until you know that this person is A. worth keeping around or B. wants to stick around. I have made this mistake many times...it's just confusing, let alone embarrassing when your friends are always saying 'Wait...what happened to so-and-so? And who is this guy now?'
2) All girls must have a "Mr.Right Now". This is the guy friend who is always ready and available to hang out with you, and may or may not like you as more than a friend. He is always ready to party till dawn, and do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not “Mr. Right,” but he may be good enough to be “Mr. Right Now.” - Duh. But...to take advantage of this is just cruel. At least offer to give him a decent blow job once in a while.

3) If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy. (Ex. "The Camaro guy", "The Trainer dude", "The Four a.m. in the Taxi Guy") - Come on...you can't say that you guys haven't done this too. Girl with the really large tits and leopard thong. Girl with nose ring and strawberry tattoo on her inner thigh.
4) Every girl must wait at least a day and a half before calling a guy whose number she has retrieved. - Fuck this. Call him when you feel like it. Call him, find out sooner than later whether or not he's a douche bag-why waste time on guys who aren't worth it? If he is...then you've just saved a day and a half of stress.

5) You are never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into. Exception: If he's one of those guys who every girl likes. - This one is touchy. Very few have been able to cross this line. Personally, I wouldn't like this situation on either side (and I've been on the wrong side at least once.) I guess it can be done...you just need to make sure that the situation surrounding it is PERFECT. How do you get perfect? The ex needs to not be a 'fling' to you, but someone of genuine interest. The friend needs to be married or engaged to the 'man of her dreams'.
6) You are to never diss a friends boyfriend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he's being a asshole. In most cases it is easier to nod. Exception: If a guy cheated or dumped your friend is is exceptional for you to claim he isn't good enough, and that she deserves better as well as reminding her that he was an asshole anyway. - This is one reason I hate the girl code. I'm a huge advocate of being honest about guys. If he's a douche, tell her he's a douche. If he dumped her for good reason (ie. he wasn't 'into' the relationship, he wasn't in love with her, he isn't in the same place in life as she)-he's not an asshole, he's saving her the heartache of wasting her time and, in reality, she'll thank him later.
7) If you want to date a friend's brother it is required that you get said friends permission. - Not necessary. I have brothers. If my friends wanted to date them (before they were married, that is), I'd be ok with that. I don't 'own' my brothers. We're all adults here-we can get through this.

8) No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend present. If permission to do so is granted there should be at least 3 other people with you. - Who made up this fucking point? While I somewhat agree with the 'don't hang out with a friend's bf bit' (but only because it causes undue stress on your friend), why 3 other people? Girls make up shit. This is a prime example of said 'shit'...there's no reasoning.
9) No girl may have more than one 'Love of her Life' at one time, though having a boyfriend and a 'Love of her Life' is fine. - WTF? Isn't the 'love of your life' thing supposed to be sacred for, I don't know, the ACTUAL FUCKING LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? Sometimes I wonder if a 17 year old girl who's a week from her menstrual cycle and just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 weeks because he cheated on her with her best friend of the week (not by actual cheating BTW-by him buying her a frappaccino due to the fact that he works at the coffee stand and gets them free anyway and he was actually trying to make nice with her so that 17 year old menstruating girlfriend would be impressed) wrote this crap... Just do us all a favor, don't admit to 'love of your life' until you have a rock and a piece of paper to prove it.

10) No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend is if they will knowingly be in the same place. - This one = also crap. If I love my friend's perfumes, they're always game for telling me what it is, where to buy it, how much it is...short of driving me there themselves. I smell immaturity in this code.

11) No girl shall purchase a distinctive item of clothing which she is aware her friend owns without express permission from the friend. - See above comment and stop being such a whiney little bitch.

12) No girl shall borrow an item of clothing without asking the clothing owner's permission, unless both parties have made an official decision to waive this rule in the context of their friendship. - Ok this one is golden...plus who would do that anyway? I'd say if you had a friend that did this to you, she's inconsiderate and selfish and therefore, not really friendship material.

13) An eye for an eye and a foot for a foot. If a friend borrows an item of clothing and destroys it, said friend must re-pay it. - True. But a friend who wouldn't offer...isn't a friend.
14) The penalty for exposing a secret to an unauthorized party shall be exile from Girlville. - Fuck. Oh yeah...I don't care. Fuck Girlville anyway-your rules are f-ing crazy.
15) A girl who can substantially claim that she was not aware that a piece of information was a secret at the time she exposed it shall not be subject to punishment. - I'm screwed...will you at least use lube?

16) Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders. - Unless outsiders include the 2 'loves of your life', your really hot boss, the guy you flirted with at the car wash to get him to detail your car or your brother so that he's able to understand the girl he's trying to hook up with.

17) Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily. - And guys suffer from a cross between ADD and early onset Alzheimer's. But, definitely...leave them guessing...why take all the fun out of the game? ;)
18) If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, "I think she is more your type, you should call her". - This is a good one. Do this and save yourself the trouble.

19) Chicks before Dicks. Simple. - To a degree. You've heard the Bros before Hos thing, right? Same concept...the stipulation? Serious relationships. For example, if you are planning on marrying a guy or ARE married-you have a responsibility to that other person that even a girl code shouldn't interfere with. Make your decisions wisely.

20) In a case where a friend spreads a horrible rumor about a friend, and then apologizes they are to be given the cold-shoulder for at least 3 days. - Again...stupid rules of nonsense. Can we at least PRETEND we aren't all stark raving mad bitches with useless hoops to jump through? I mean...come on...
21) In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friends side. - Again...be honest. If your friend was in the wrong...tell her she was in the wrong. Didn't we all see 'Yes Man'? Didn't we learn a lesson that being so ALSO led to trouble? I promise you, if she's a mature and sane individual who plans on still being with her boyfriend, she'll appreciate your candor.

22) When dating-a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls. - At least in the beginning. We all know that as serious relationships progress, less time with the girls is bound to happen. This doesn't mean the girl wants to be less of a friend to other girls, it's just that she's moving forward with the natural progression in life...dating.marriage.babies.death. Leave her be and stop being so fucking jealous-green doesn't look good on you.
23) Never insult your friend but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look. - Nice. Please do this. Please do this to ME! I'd love if one of my friend was like 'SF-you look like you got run over by a train full of ducks that laid eggs on your head and feathered your shirt.' I would appreciate walking out the door not looking like a coke fiend living on the street. Help the less fortunate with their style faux pas.
24) When a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive or leave with a random guy. - Please, please, please do this for me too. Especially the last one...and even if 'random guy' is an ex boyfriend who has 'changed'...I'll be hating life tomorrow...my girlfriends, of all people, already know this (from previous experiences).

25) When a friend calls you up complaining about how she is drunk and can't go home you must allow her to stay at your house, without letting your parentals (if you live with them) find out. - What did I say earlier about who wrote the girl code? Score for Seattle on this one. I'd like to thank all those who believed in me.

26) When out with the ladies, if Girl #1 points out a guy that she is interested in, Girl #2 should avoid making a bee-line over to him to get his number for herself. Show some respect. - Wait...what? This bitch...IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. It's ok to shove her face into the next bar you see but be careful not to get blood on your Manolos.
27) When said evening is described as a "Girls’ Night Out" that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend. - Honor the code on this one girls. Plus...he needs a night without you and your fucking crazy code too.

28) Stop being the "Me too!" girl If your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder – and her story – by constantly trying to one-up her. - Hmmm...Is this a HUGE issue? Talk about petty. Are we now making up shit to fill up the pages in the girl code book?

29) Be a responsible friend and not a 'Yes-Girl'. If a friend is asking you if she should get back together with her ex who cheated on her, never wanted to hang out with her and than blamed her for them breaking up, and you say 'Yes', then you're a bad friend. Friends are supposed to protect and help friends. So say your part even if they don't like what you have to say. - Ah...yes and now we're repeating shit to fill up space.

30) Don't be a hater. If a girl walks in looking gorgeous, girls automatically try to find something bad about her. But who knows? She could have just lost a friend, or got dumped, etc. So be nice and stop hating. - Yeah bitches! Stop hating me! Maybe I'm just naturally beautiful and talented and can't really help that all guys flock to my grace and mystery! (as I stumble across the room and hit my head on a stool on my way to the floor because I've just tripped on my cherished platforms because I was flipping my hair so scandalously to grab attention)...

31) Don't go against the Girl Code. - OR BE SHUNNED!

Source.

Happy Independence Day!

2009-07-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Wishing everyone a happy 4th!!!

Drive safely and drink responsibly. :)

You know what sex leads to, right?

2009-06-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Well...preferably more sex but...more importantly (at least for this piece)...better sperm!

Having some trouble with your damaged sperm? Well, you're in luck! I have a solution!

Have more sex!

You don't have to explain the reasons to me but in case YOU wondered...

According to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Amsterdam, a new study shows that having more sex will reduce the amount of DNA-damaged sperm.

I love when things go my way... But, in reality, it's obvious. The more quickly you 'release' the damaged sperm, the more quickly better quality sperm can be produced.

To the infertile, this research is promising but still doesn't prove that men will be more fertile and result in more babies being born. Ongoing studies are researching the more sex vs. more babies issue.

Which, leads me to question...what? Do we seriously need a study for this? Ummm...yeah. More unprotected sex with undamaged = more children. Duh. And I don't even have a doctoral degree!

But I digress... I'll focus on this part of the article:

Bill Ledger (a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Sheffield) said instructing couples with infertility problems to have more sex could stress their relationship. "This may add even more anxiety and do more harm than good," he said.

And here I ask again-what? How do people come up with this stuff? Sex = more anxiety? I thought that one of the main reasons a guy 'needs' sex is the whole 'stress release' bit?

I wonder if these authority figures in our medical community even think about what they are saying before they open their mouths?

In fact, I found another article from MSNBC last year about a research study by James Coan, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, that shows the exact opposite! And!!! It can help with a bunch of other medical issues too such as a correlation to healing faster, getting sick less often and living longer.

Good relationships offset tension in daily life. Anxiety spikes blood pressure, which hobbles the immune system. But when you have sex, you release feel-good hormones, including oxytocin and endorphins. Eventually, you begin to associate your partner with those positive feelings, and he becomes someone you trust to be your soother during tough times.

Now, as your resident sexologist, I say...get to it! Spread the love! ;)

Source.

Source 2.

How not to pick a fugly hybrid.

2009-06-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

We're a long way from the GM EV1 nowadays, aren't we? But personally, even if I had the chance to buy one before GM 'crushed' my chances, I wouldn't have. It looked too much like the Geo Storm for me to appreciate.

I'm all about doing my part in minimizing my carbon footprint and reducing emissions but, now that I have options, I won't be buying a car with no resale value due to ugliness. And now you're lucky because I'm going to help YOU pick a car based sole-y on attractiveness (that's also good for the environment)! I'm also going to mention that all of the cars I'll list (fugly or not) are REASONABLY priced...nothing over 30K.

Everyone has felt the economic crunch in some way, shape or form lately (unless you live under a rock in a cave) so we're all budgeting a lot more consciously...but we're on an upswing and credit restrictions are loosening (so I hear). And do you know what that means?! Soon there will be a burst of money spent on luxury items that we've been contemplating these long months...including cars. What with gas prices and all (especially this time of year), lots more people will be looking to our choices in hybrids. Let me help you not make bad choices with this purchase (from a girl who knows nothing about cars but that it had better have a mirror in the sunshade on the passenger side).

First a few 'do not buy!'s:
Kia Soul

Don't do it. Even their website says 'Good cookie. Cutter, bad'. Shouldn't that say it all? It probably gives you good gas mileage (of course, it's a Kia right?) but unless you like to be ridiculed by your friends for being the schmuck that got talked into this car by the best salesman ever--don't do it. Personally, I point out to ugly cars and state out loud to any passengers I have "Damn, that's a fucking ugly car. I bet he/she never gets laid." You would be the person I am talking about. Scion XD

I fucking hate Scion. It's the car brand that took over Kia for being shitty. My best friend has a Scion and she regretted the decision almost immediately (for more than just because I made fun of her based on the looks-factor). As with the Scion XB, Kia Soul and Honda Element-if I wanted to drive around in a box , I'd apply to UPS and get paid for it! All of the above cars should be mocked at every chance you get. (Side note: they even NAMED one of their cars the eBox!). That should explain it all. Chevrolet Aveo

I'll give this one props for being, quite possibly, the cheapest car on the market and I'd have to also admit that my very sweet neighbors actually own one but...the car is fucking ugly. It's a Metro...remodeled. Enough said. Toyota Yaris

Really? Come on Toyota! You've done better... What the fuck is this? It's an oversized pug (and we all know that pugs are the ugliest dogs on the planet). The cool blue HID headlights don't even help the 'coolness' factor on this one. Of course, you'll be able to fit into small parking spots but, as I'll explain later in this post, you have other options that won't result in someone tagging your car 'POS'. *hides can of spray paint* Nissan Versa

If you're going to buy a car that looks like the above, just buy a Honda Fit instead. It's a much better brand and you won't have to put thousands of dollars into it to look cool. The Versa is just bland. I don't have much to say other than if you buy this car...you are vanilla. No one likes vanilla.

Ok, well I couldn't find any other hybrids that made me want to vomit uncontrollably (a few concepts...but we'll get to those later) so I'll move on to the sweet hybrids you could possibly get laid for owning! Mercury Milan or Ford Fusion

Who are we kidding, it's the same car. But...look at that! A car I would (and have) drive and not look like I was trying too hard to look cool! And I always drive it like I mean it. ;) Honda Fit

I have a friend who has one and it's freakin' awesome! It's amazing how many times you can use the phrase (when looking for a parking spot in Seattle) "No worries, it'll Fit" and still find it funny. Per my friend-"Who says you can't get pulled over in a Fit?!" 76 in a 60 and no ticket...Nice work! Mercury Mariner

I love this car. I'm fairly partial to it because my brother owns one and doesn't look like a douche doing so. It's got lots of room (for a smaller SUV) and does pretty decent mileage on the highway. If you're going the SUV route (even though it's domestic), I'd have to give this one a few upvotes. Mini Cooper

Who doesn't love the mini? I've been in love with these since I first saw The Italian Job. If you are thinking 'this car wouldn't be big enough'...I can guarantee-you are incorrect! I have a friend that is upwards of the 6' mark (ok, he's 7' tall) and he fits perfectly in this car! It's crazy cute and there's a huge 'community' of mini-lovers - you won't ever feel alone.

Now the fun part...bashing the concept cars:

Toyota A-BAT Concept Hybrid Pickup

It's a good thing that this is JUST A CONCEPT...so far. What the fuck? Is it an El Camino? Is it a truck? There's too much going on for this to even be considered a truck. Aren't trucks supposed to have a bed? Oh wait...is that what that 2.5 feet of dead space in the back is? Oh...dude...my bad. It totally....FUCKING SUCKS! Toyota Hybrid X

What did we do to the Japanese to piss them off? Oh yeah...the atomic bomb...right. Mercy! Mercy! We give! Seriously...make it stop! Volkswagen up!

I usually like VW...what the hell is happening here? Are they trying to compete with the SmartCar? If so...try again. But...you know what? I think the exclamation point in the name of the car is bringing me around....*sarcasm

Ok, that's enough for today boys and girls. If you need any more help, I'm always ready and willing. ;)

Happy shopping!

Women's rules for dating...are crap.

2009-06-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

I've been in conversations with guys before who are always surprised to hear that women have all these little 'rules' that we (supposedly) abide by when entering into a 'dating' relationship with them. It's true...if you're a girl and don't like it-you're in denial. If you're a guy and don't like it-you are part of the majority.

With that said, I'd personally like to think that my gender isn't as cold and callous (let alone stupid) as this website I found would like to think we are. Dating rules for women, right? Ok, well I agree that there should be some sort of 'rules' in a way (especially for first dates or meeting your kids/friends) but most of these 'rules' made me want to vomit.

* Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab. - What is this? The 50's? Since when do we need to be proven that we're worth it by buying us dinner?
* Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him. - Dump him? That's kinda fucking harsh don't you think? I've dating lots of great guys who didn't send me flowers (Oh...fuck...*light goes on).
* Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. - Psshht! How early is early? I mean first date can be considered early but...then again the standard 'third date' also seems a bit early too, doesn't it? I say just go for it if you feel it. If it doesn't pan out it may be because of 1. you lacked sexual prowess in bed (which, he would've found out anyway) or 2. you just weren't interesting enough in general to keep his attention (find a hobby).
* Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative. - What. The. Fuck? Are we seriously going to play this game? Be on time-save yourself the hassle of being considered a snobby 'princess'...plus you're giving all us normal girls a bad rep.
* Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. - Or...kiss him goodbye. Guys (I've learned) don't generally like to work too hard for something they are unsure of. Answer your fucking phone and say yes if he asks you out again. Fucking with the minds of guys is generally not a good idea unless you like being single.
* If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. - If you are available Tuesday - SEE HIM TUESDAY! Don't play with him...it's just not nice.
* Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates. - Ok, I'll give this one to us. If you've already made plans with your girlfriends - keep them. Girls also don't like to be ditched for guys...it might be worse than vice versa. Believe you me. Plus, having girlfriends is very, VERY important. Make sure you don't lose these friendships when you start seriously dating.
* Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly. - Don't do this. Unless you're willing to keep it up for the rest of your life (if need be). Otherwise, he'll find out that you're a fraud anyway and it's just too much work. Just be yourself and be honest.
* Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to. - A mirror? Are we in the 5th grade? Practice on real people...it works best. Plus, being a bad kisser won't always make them walk away...if you give a bad blow job or none at all-they're history. Try zucchini for practice (try not to peel the skin with your teeth).
* Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only. - This is KEY actually. Personally, I like to go into relationships just assuming that we are each other's first (the whole 'innocent til proven guilty' thing). And NOONE wants to hear about previous sexual experiences...good or bad.
* Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking. - Ditto for us guys.
* If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys. - This is a good point actually. At a certain age jealousy and insecurities are drama that we could live without.
* If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him. - Shoes? Really? What happened to 'Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better.' Didn't we just cover that? The hygiene thing I understand but...you should know that much, at least, before you go out with him.
* Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison. - HAHHAAHAH Has this ever turned out well? I mean...seriously? My dad is a stubborn old farmer...unless I'm dating his friends, I don't really see how there's even a comparison to base this on?
* Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing. - Ok, good point but I'm only keeping it because of the next one...
* If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else. - What happened to 'He is the one doing the chasing.' Can we BE more confusing? Oh wait...the whole 'changing landmarks' thing. I get it. Fuck...I'm a girl and I don't even blame you guys for dating us.
* You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on. - HA! This is great!
* If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates. - "...my biological clock says I need to stop having babies at 35 so I only have 4 more years to make the 2 children that US consensus states is typical. So, what do you think? This dating thing should take 6 months or so, right? Then the typical 1 year engagement. Then I wouldn't want to have babies in our first year of marriage. Then the pesky 'trying' period. Then 9 months afterwards. That's already 3 years so then we'd only have about 6 months or so until we'd need to produce another. Can I pencil you in or not?"

And just when you thought that we couldn't get more ridiculous-they added 'online' dating rules:

* Post the best and most vampish photo you can find. - Don't post pics that are more than 6 months old...no matter how 'vampish'. Plus the point is for them to see you as you, right? Post pics that are 'you'...in all your glory. The right guy will bite.
* Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines. - Always do this! ...otherwise, you'll get lost in the 'sea' of faces. Keep his interest. Show him how smart/witty/funny you actually are. Sheesh!
* Never provide your real email or phone details. - Not right away at least. Make sure you have a 'junk' email account that you give out to people until you render them safe.
* Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn. - Does this really need to be listed? No shit. Actually I thought I'd email the guy with no pic who listed 'gun-cleaning' on his hobbies list and give him my home address while mentioning that my roommate is gone for the weekend.
* Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic. - But don't, DON'T under any circumstances be clever in your opening lines of IM. I fucking hate contradiction.
* Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best. - Is there a reason for this? Who the fuck even cares? Maybe I just left my browser open...
* Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad. - Again with the 'do not assume'...this is VERY important. People have layers.
* Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday. - Why not? If I have a minute or 2 on a Saturday morning or Sunday night, I'm going to reply...unless you give me a GREAT reason as to why this would help my dating life.
* Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile. - Actually guys have a tendency to bring this one up too soon...we don't want to hear it right away UNLESS we've specifically stated that it is ALL we are looking for...then it's fair game for all.
* If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile. - Don't stray from it either. If a guy says 'I'm separated'...he's still fucking married. Don't do it unless you like hearing the 'I'm going to divorce my wife for you' bit and like to get your heart broken. This sucks...just don't.
* A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored. - What? The guy can't have a job? Go on vacation? Attend a funeral in a different state? What happened to 'don't assume'?
* Make sure your humor levels come across in text. - What? I thought I couldn't be clever? Fuck...now I'm confused again...
* Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off. - Disagreed! Hundreds=prob not a good idea but several-YES! Just don't rule out options until you know for sure you have a keeper.
* Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out. - HAHAHHAHA I've heard this so many times I feel sick thinking about it. If you're blonde (I mean haircolor), say 'blonde'. If you are 300 lbs, you aren't 'curvy'. If you truly want to meet someone, it's always best to be honest. "I'm a 31 year old woman with curly brunette hair, hazel/green eyes and am a size 36B." Happy?
* Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results. - Just fucking be yourself. If you're a slightly nerdy, balance challenged (klutzy) Midwest girl who knows way too much about computers or video games...be that girl for best results.

My Media Player, Vol X

2009-06-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

I want to start out by apologizing for no Media Player last week (which means, you can stop rejoicing now-I haven't decided to scrap the idea). I was busy...uber busy! And just so you all know - I am handling the start of my FREE summer just dandy, thank you.
And no, this is not the summer I admit to alcoholism.

Strung Out - Twisted by Design
Myspace.
Now you are all going to think I've lost it but I actually ran across this band on a motorcross video, On the Pipe 3. You all want to think I've lost it, right? While I've never actually ridden a dirt bike, I can appreciate the hype...especially to someone with a death wish. In any case, the music was awesome and pumped me up to the action in the film. It's definitely punk. Enjoy. Kate Voegele - A Fine Mess
Website.
Again with the One Tree Hill? Yes. You love it...STFU. Kate actually is a singer who turned actress for her part on OTH but hasn't let her singing suffer in the meantime. I've been waiting for the release of this album to show you. How nice am I? ;) Incubus - Monuments and Melodies
Website.
I realized recently that I've never included one of my favorite bands of ALL time! Incubus! They've recently released this 2 disc album of their greatest hits and, I gotta say, I almost orgasm-ed when I found out. Seriously, I did!

…and then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

2009-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

To start this piece, I should go ahead and admit that I’ve read all 4 Twilight books (the last book, being 700+ pages, in about 2.5 days). I’ll even admit that I liked the books enough…even though I’m not a 14 y.0. girl.

And, yes, I am intrigued by the idea of ‘vampires’ but no, I don’t think they actually exist. I plead the 5th for any other comments.

Watching the Twilight movie though…made me want to commit suicide by /facepalm.

So you can imagine that if the beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer came across the likes of Edward, it would, at least, be entertaining…

I came across this video remix of how it would be…I had to share:

Air Sex - Ham Grenade (Seattle competition)

2009-06-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

You all saw my post last week about the Air Sex competition going on throughout the West Coast this past weekend. It seems that one of my close friends found his way onto the stage with his own rendition of how he performs in the sack...

Now I'm not sure if I should be impressed that he even included the fact that he's a proponent of condom use or worried about his premature ejaculation issues but I can tell you one thing: there's no faking when Ham Grenade goes off...

PS...HG-I can attest...you always deliver. ;)

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

While I know my dad doesn't actually read my blog (mostly because he thinks I'm a proper Midwest girl who happens to live in Seattle and reading this might actually give him a heart attack coupled with the fact that he just recently learned how to turn on a computer)-I'd still like to wish all the father's out there who do read a Happy Father's Day.
And on the off-chance that my dad unknowingly comes across this page in his search for new tractors or irrigation parts - I know I don't tell you enough but I love you and respect the man that you are. :)

Meet the Nation - Seattle Freeze

2009-06-20T13:05:00.001-07:00

Make sure you check out my staff interview over at Morphine Nation. Basically, it's my introduction to the fans of MN (even though we all know I've been writing over there for weeks now)! Enjoy!

Happily Ever After?

2009-06-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

I ran across a photography project that I found fairly interesting and maybe mostly because I'm a girl but partly because I'm a girl with some seriously jaded tendencies. The project by Dina Goldstein is about princesses. No, not the real-life ones that owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to boutiques in Paris...but the fairy tale kind.

It seems, contrary to popular belief, that fairy tales don't end at '...and then they lived happily ever after.' Of course that's not real life! The problem is that kids think (because that's what the books we read them say) that as soon as the princess finds a prince charming-they ride off into the sunset and done. The End.

But...what really happens:

Snow White and her Prince Charming take some queues from the rabbits that helped her clean the dwarves house and fuck like it's going out of style. Their 'castle' is soon filled with a bunch of spoiled brats that have a sense of entitlement that would make Paris Hilton jealous. Jasmine and Aladdin find themselves unhappily amid the war over oil. GWB makes sure that the beautiful castles in the sand are blown to bits in his search for WMD. Jasmine trains in only the best terrorist training camps and learns the correct way to wire a suicide bomb...but damn...she still looks good doing it. Cinderella soon finds herself the 'trophy' wife of a very powerful prince...a prince, whose duties to his 'kingdom' keep him on the road for months at a time. Since her servants now do all the tedious jobs she used to, she finds herself only finding solace at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. She comtemplates a life of her past with a twist...sex slavery isn't so bad, is it? Over the years Belle has discovered fine lines and graying roots...in her quest to keep the title 'Beauty' and also the beasts attention she spends most of her time under the knife. The Beast wants a house filled with hairy little feet but Belle, already discontent with her appearance, is unwilling to go through the pregnancy for fear of stretch marks. The Beast then finds a mistress on the side...rumors are that Ariel stops by to service his emotional and sexual needs on her way to visit her father, King Triton. Aurora never ages a day as this Sleeping Beauty's prince soon finds out. Unable to keep her awake due to her addiction to prescription sleeping pills, he dutifully keeps his 'happily ever after' promise to her by not straying. Of course, 50 years later, he's moved into an old folks home because they were never able to have children (without the fear it would be considered rape because she wasn't ever conscious) and his nephew ended up taking over the throne. In her hour of need, Rapunzel's prince left her for a woman with a short pixie cut (that bitch Tinkerbell, of course). Diagnosed early in their marriage with lymphoma, she now drives herself to her own chemo treatments and spends days at a time hooked up to IV's. Her only reprieve is the hope that soon they will pass a law in her country allowing assisted suicide. Red Riding Hood was part of a class action lawsuit against McDonald's for 'making her fat'. She won over 250,000.00 and proceeded to spend it buying burgers under the pseudonym, Ms. Wolfe. Her saving grace is that she started a cause called PAP (People Against PETA) emphasizing that the organization's beliefs are extremist and is lobbying with officials to be able to use wolf meat in the nations fast food restaurants. My point is that the story never really ends...there's always a detour, maybe a glimmer of light but mostly just real life. And we all know that real life doesn't always end at happily ever after.

The End...for now.

Air Sex Championship?!? I WIN!

2009-06-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

You're thinking, "this is a joke, right?" No and fortunately for you-it might be cumming to a city near you!

Air sex is not unlike it's counterpart, air guitar, only...more seductive and no colored buttons or strings. It's a 'theatrical sexual performance with an imaginary partner.' It was invented by, none other than a group of lonely, oversexed Japanese men.

Yes, you can chalk this one up to the somewhat odd trends created by our friends in the East but...you have to admit, this one has some entertainment value, at least.

I think we all can say that we've done this before...alone. But, can you do it on a stage...with props...in front of a large group of people...and possibly win more than just the obvious prize?

VIMBY - Air Sex

The good news for the shy ones among us? You get to be fully clothed (if you want to)! Although this particular theatrical 'sport' isn't for the faint of heart, it should prove to be a lot of...information.

While most of the competitions on the East Coast are already over, this weekend the West Coast will get a piece of the action!

Now what we have to decide is: Stupid? or Erotically genius?

Source.

Source2.

The Ladder Theory - fails?

2009-06-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe you've heard of the Ladder Theory, maybe you haven't.

The Ladder Theory is a 'scientific' explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. But...that's not necessarily correct either because the author of the theory doesn't stray from one single fact: how men and women can never be 'just friends' if the man is attracted to the woman because he'll always want to have sex with her.

He starts off with the basic rating systems that men and women do when they first meet someone: women having a fairly large percentage based on the guy's money/power status and men focusing mostly on looks. The basic description of the theory is this:

A guy meets a girl and 'sizes her up' based on the above criteria and places her on his 'ladder'. He meets another girl...same thing and places her on the ladder also. The placings are based on his attraction to her and how much he'd like to 'hit it'. It's to be noted that all guys want to fuck all girls they are even slightly attracted to given the circumstances. The only difference lies in whether or not they'd admit to such after the fact (usually alcohol/drugs are a factor here). Women's placings are similar except that they have 2 ladders. One ladder is her 'friends' ladder. This ladder is exclusively for guys she meets/knows that she'd NEVER sleep with. The higher on the friends ladder though, the more intimate you'll be able to be with said girl WITHOUT sex. The 'real' ladder is the one that matters (at least, to guys). It's the ladder in which she uses the pie chart (above) to rate the guys she'd like to fuck. The higher the placement on the real ladder, the more she'd be willing to let him take her at any given moment. The point is that it's every guy's wish to make it to the real ladder of a girl he's attracted to.
The problem arises when a guy is placed on the friends ladder (usually unknowingly) and tries to make the jump to the real ladder. The theory states that the woman can either let him onto the real ladder or kick him off both (theory has it that being let onto the real ladder has never really happened and, I assume, only happens in sappy romantic comedies such as 'Made of Honor').
The ladder-jumper usually falls into the 'abyss'...no guy wants to fall into the abyss with a girl he'd actively like to fuck. Note that there are hidden variables in the theory such as religiosity, drunkenness, loyalty, desperation and sanity. Supposedly, they don't affect the rating systems, just the fundamentals of how we act in regard to the theory, itself. IE: religious people will still want to have sex with the other party but will deny said act.

I set out on a mission to debunk this theory written by what I (still) think is a guy who's probably been at the bottom of the women's friends ladder on many occasions. I read and reread the theory until I had it set in my mind that the author was probably drunk or stoned and probably a mutant basement-dweller that hates women. He makes a reference in the theory to 'female bitch'...which we all know is a derogatory term used against females and gay guys.
The fact that he specifically notes that ALL women give priority to guys that have fat wallets over the guys that are their 'cuddle-bitches' was enough to make me throw up. I mean, who the fuck does this guy think he is? Oh yeah...a guy living in his mom's basement.
His breakdown of the women's pie chart is absurd, right? I mean, don't normal guys have the same wants? Don't they want a woman who, at least, can take care of herself (meaning...have a job)? He assumes that all women are the same even stating in his theory that women will say "Well, I'm not the average woman because...blah...blah...not true...blah blah...my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor...blah...blah" but still be lying (even to themselves) about this fact.

I was all set to go out and date as many basement-dwelling mutants as possible until I read the theory yet again and then...set out to interview my male 'friends'.

I talked to 4 of my guy friends knowing full well that at least 2 of them would fail me. I didn't realize though that ALL of them would...

The 2 that failed were simple-"Yes, Seattle, I would like to fuck you, I thought you'd never ask-can we do this now?"

Another one gave me this-"You are NOT the one girl who is attractive that I WOULDN'T like to have sex with. There is one girl (a girl I've met btw) who's LIKE a sister to me that, given the chance, would NEVER happen because we've known each other too long and I don't think of her that way."

And the one guy who I thought would never let me down (at least with this debunking) had this to say-"We're both adults...you want to hump every once in a while and I have a hot tub." Wait...what?

But, he also helped me understand some basic points: "...just because someone finds the other person attractive, doesn't mean they CAN'T be friends. They might want more out of the relationship on some level, but just because of that, it doesn't always hinder them from being good friends. Here's my point-just because a guy wants to have sex with a woman, doesn't mean he can't separate that from his friendship or lack of friendship with her. That's why a guy can be friends with a girl he wants to have sex with." Needless to say, this made me feel better.

And...leads me to believe that I could possibly have a few more 'friends with benefits' that I never knew about. ;) (More info on bene-friends in a later post).

What I'm saying is that I can probably prove that the author of the Ladder Theory is probably an egotistical nightmare to be around and totally wrong on some very important levels of what attracts women to men but his theory is generally sound.

Care to try?

PETA stinks up the fish market.

2009-06-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

If you've ever been to Seattle, you know that there are a few places that are a 'must visit' before you leave: the Space Needle (duh.), the Fremont Troll (maybe just a personal favorite), various wine and beer tastings at the regions many wineries and breweries (we love our alcohol), Ride the Ducks (land to sea tour) and lastly, Pike Place Market. Pike Place is basically a huge farmer's market that's open year round and houses small restaurants, comic book shops, one of the few remaining head shops in Seattle, fresh produce/flower stands, a palm reader, the best donut hole stand in the world (personal favorite) and the very first Starbucks...along with about 450 other vendors.

Pike Place is also very well known for its fish mongerers and fish 'tossing'. Yep, you heard it right. There's even a book about it!!! When you buy fresh fish at certain stands in the market, they'll make a show of it, toss it around to each other and, eventually, TO YOU! It's fairly entertaining to watch actually.

To clarify though, the fish are dead so you're being tossed a dead fish that you intend to take home and eat. Got it?

Well...recently PETA has decided to focus on this petty activity by asking the American Veterinary Medical Association (that has a demonstration scheduled in Seattle's convention center next month) to show compassion and not use the fish throwers as their opening 'act' as a team-building experience for the convention. They stated that, "We think it sends a terrible message to the public when veterinarians call it fun to toss around the corpses of animals."

The letter also included a statement that "people who care about animals are appalled fish would be treated as toys."

Justin Hall, of the Pike Place Market had this to say about the fish toss: "workers there respect fish because it's their livelihood and they take pride in having the best seafood." SO BACK THE HELL OFF!

Here's the deal PETA...in case you hadn't noticed - THE FISH ARE FUCKING DEAD! Personally, being a resident here, I'm pretty pissed off that this is even an issue being that just a few months ago there were hundreds of puppies seized from puppy mills in the area and ... WHERE WERE YOU THEN?!? Almost 600 'designer dogs' were either taken to shelters (that were already overcrowded) or euthanized. That's not to mention the fact that because the dogs were part of ongoing investigation, they weren't even adoptable for months because they were considered 'evidence'.

Someone seriously needs to sit down with these people and help them figure out their fucking priorities.

Dead fish = not a priority.

Malnourished, abused puppies = a HUGE FUCKING PRIORITY.

Source.

Source2.

My Media Player, Vol IX

2009-06-10T13:34:00.001-07:00

I'm late! Eeek!

Wow...that came out wrong...

Not my cycle, you crazies...I'm speaking of the Media Player. Wow...my followers suck. :P
Because I've been a slacker-whore lately, today's (late) Media Player is brought to you by my followers. Which, could be a happy reprieve for those of you who hate my music.

Mad Caddies - Keep It Going
Website.
This band leans heavily reggae so I know I have a few friends that would find it, at least, interesting. I played it for 2 days straight! Ok, that's because the volume was off but...I promise the actual sound is great too. Radiohead - In Rainbows.
Website.
Who doesn't like Radiohead? I've been told this album is the best one yet...although they do have a newer one... Although, a 'Best of' album is always gonna win. ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead - The Century of Self
Website.
I don't love this band. I'm not even sure I like this band. It's here because it was either list this band or owe 'special favors' to a girl. I made the right choice.
There is a lot of pounding on what I can only imagine is a very sad-looking guitar. Poor guitar...

Movie Review - Blindness

2009-06-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy lately so here's a movie review done by one of my 'followers'. It's about the movie Blindness that came out last year. Reason for the late review? My protege recently watched it and it struck a nerve. Read more to find out more (Seattle Freeze comments in parenthesis):

A random guy is sitting in his car blocking some people therefore, annoying other drivers (I hate it when random guys sit in cars). Someone goes up to the car to see what his problem is only to find that he’s blind and (apparently) this has left him unable to think or do anything anymore (interject sarcasm in previous sentence). Another guy says he will drive the poor dumb guy home. What a good Samaritan (well, fuck it...just assume the whole review is sarcastic)... He takes him home and the blind guy explains that it is like looking through milk so his view is white instead of black. So the good Samaritan leaves the poor confused bastard and takes his car. Blind guy doesn’t seem to notice (cuz blind guy is...also a moron? or does he just want to turn it into insurance and get a better car? ...that a blind guy could use...yes? yes?).

Patient Zero’s (previously referred to as 'blind guy') wife takes him to an ophthalmologist. The doctor doesn’t know what the hell is going on...surprise, surprise. Then as you can imagine...more characters in the movie start going blind (delish! wonder what happens!? *sitting excitedly*). They soon figure out that maybe it’s an infection, like zombies, and decide to quarantine them. The actress, Julianne Moore, (god...I love her!) who plays the eye doctor's wife, decides to pretend to be blind to stay with him in quarantine (she hasn't been affected yet). So they get tossed (not unlike how I'm tossing chunks right now) in this hospital and have to figure out how to live without help from the outside. All they get from the outside is a bit of food (and smokes?).

More and more people get crowded in and they have to choose which ward they want to live in. BTW...after a while the place literally looks like shit. They have no clue how to survive, they can’t find the bathroom so people just shit and piss in the hall they are dirty, the one good thing about the movie was they actually looked gross and smelly (hmmm...I'm sorry, did you say 'good thing'?).

Anyway, while they are trying to figure out how to live, the wards become little countries with their leaders and of course, you have to have the evil ward that’s all men. Men are always the evil bastards...why is that exactly? (personally, evil women are much more threatening). Oh, and remember the good Samaritan and Patient Zero? Well Zero finally remembered his car was stolen, they recognized each others voices in the 'wards'. Zero was pissed about the car and the good Samaritan was pissed about catching the 'blindness' from Zero. So a scuffle ensued and the good Samaritan got his leg cut (I cut you, you thief, I cut you!). They tried to get the guards to give them medical supplies but the guards shot at them (yeah, that seems like the general response to a request for help). The guy later died dramatically (a good dramatic death scene is always key in these lame attempts at movies).

At some point the blind people were getting too close to the fence when new ones were being herded in and one of them wasn’t staying in line because they are just supposed to know where they’re going magically. (Magically! hahah Wait! This isn't Hogwart's!) The guards proceed to shoot them and several get killed (guards=love to shoot blind people).

We’re finally coming towards the end oh so slowly (too slowly if you ask me and I haven't even seen the movie) when their food begins to run low. They are trying to figure out how to ration when the evil ward, which has a gun now (by some magical, otherworldly means), decides to keep it and will ration it themselves.
Imagine idiot blind guy shooting, it’s quite funny (the most entertaining part?). Now we’re getting really dumb here, the evil ward wants “stuff” in exchange for food. What the hell do blind people locked in a hospital do with stuff exactly? (You know...stuff). Jewelry and other pointless crap? Then guess what?! They run out of crap to trade (previously referred to as 'stuff'), so what do they want now? A room full of horny gross blind guys? You guessed it! They want women. (To do 'stuff' with?) They are so hungry and stupid that some women decide to do it. Meanwhile, in one scene, Julianne Moore (eye doctor's wife) keeps eying a pair of sharp scissors. So they go to the evil blind guys and does Julianne Moore do anything to stop this? (because sex sells movies...duh). No, of course not why wouldn’t she want to go down on a extremely disgusting horrible little blind man (take back previous comment about loving Julianne Moore)? So they go through with the satisfying of the horny blind guys and one girl dies in the process (Wait...let me stop you here. I've never heard of death by blow job...not true). Then Julianne decides to do something about it and sneaks over there when another group of girls is doing their thing (ie...blow jobs?). She finally does something right (she swallowed?), then it’s war. A war between blind people! How hysterical!

Anyway, Julianne’s ward think they can finally overtake the one gun and the rest and gather a posse. Hehe, but someone else goes before them and sets the evil wards’ beds on fire. They all somehow get out of the hospital and find that no guards are there to stop them. BTW, she does finally tell her ward that she can see. So they go out in to the world in search of food (twinkies?).

And then the movie looks like “Dawn of the Dead” with people roaming around aimlessly and tripping over themselves with cars wrecked everywhere and the city looking totally trashed. Julianne and her husband leave their group to go find food. They find a supermarket and she goes in and finds the key to the storeroom and finds a crap load of food (is that the same as shit ton?). She loads up and heads back through the store. The crazed zombies/blind people smell the food and attack. But her blind husband saves her! Yay! Darn! So Julianne and the doctor invite their little band of freaks to live with them at their house and they get cleaned up and blah blah blah (the best part of the movie? blah, blah, blah?). One day Zero is sitting there and all of a sudden he can see! Yay! (insert unforeseen circumstances here). Maybe the rest will too now, magically (abracadabra! fuck...I think I just made a sequel). The last scene shows Julianne staring out at the city and looking up at the sky. It looks white and for a second thinks she’s going blind-she looks back down and oh, guess not… That was the end. (when? oh when can I have the last 8 minutes back???)

(Now the serious part. *giggle* Behave you stupid twits!) At first I thought, wow the people who made the movie really think the world would fall apart if everyone went blind. I find it hard to believe that could happen. But… maybe it would be the end. I guess it happened so fast that they couldn’t prepare people to survive. Julianne was actually feeding the doctor at one point-he gets frustrated and complains that she feeds, clothes and wipes his ass (Julianne Moore does this as a side job too). I found it amazing that he needed so much help. I mean haven’t you ever dressed in the dark? Plus since when do you need to actually look at your ass to wipe it? The people just behaved so stupidly in this movie that I found it irritating. Maybe if they hadn’t focused so much in the hospital and showed what was going on with the rest of the world it would have been better? (No). Maybe not. (Yes).
I guess if you think about it, our society depends on sight quite a bit. You have to see to drive, run a power plant, run a tractor to plow a field, walk in an unfamiliar place, shoot someone, fly a plane……(you don't need to see to shoot someone...just to shoot the person you intend to harm). It would put everyone on an even playing field too, you can’t really bomb someone if you can’t see them. I would feel sorry for the world if that happened, to a point. If you don’t have good enough instincts and common sense to survive then that’s your problem (and you're an idiot). I would be fine as I have a guide dog…(tis true...and he's a-fucking-dorable!) BTW I know plenty of blind people that can feed themselves, with forks even, (and sporks?), dress themselves and wipe their asses just fine.

To wrap up...Hollywood sometimes makes bad choices. As does Julianne Moore in choosing movie roles. The sad part...this movie won a few stupid awards...don't worry, they are nothing we've actually heard about and granted, it could have been up against some other equally stupid movies like Twilight, so can you say 'shoe in?'...I'm just sayin'...

Thanks Liverfire! Now put that stupid vampire book down and watch some more lame-ass movies to review for me! PS-we are now blacklisting Julianne Moore so keep it in mind when doing so.

Note to Julianne-*whisper* Find new manager! ASAP!

Synopsis, in case you couldn't read the whole review:

The dirt on Dubai.

2009-06-10T09:06:00.001-07:00

When you think of Dubai, you think stunning skyscrapers, rich textiles, beautiful desert flora, flourishing economy, architectural innovation, a tax-free heaven and even majestic sandy beaches, right?

Well, why not? Magnificent buildings line the streets rising higher to the sky than any others in the world. Novel man-made residential islands sprout off the beaches adding to the idea that advancements in this part of the world hyper exceed that of even the most popular tourist traps. Included in the construction are a metro system and airport that will surpass even the largest in the world. Certainly not a country in the world can argue that Dubai literally exploded in the past 20 years from a desert to a city made of gold and fortune.

Dubai’s emanating wealth is that of the surprising financial genius of the Sheikh Mohammed, the ruler of Dubai. With his ingenuity and capital from the oil boom, he offered a city of leisure and financial services, tax-free. They came by the millions causing a construction frenzy to keep four steps ahead of the world in modernism and splendor.

As of the moment, there are more construction workers in Dubai than actual citizens…how so, you ask?

Slave labor. How did you think it was done? A stringent application process with a vengeful HR lady calling your references? Drug testing and probationary periods?

It’s not the term that is used, of course, in the ever prosperous state but facts are facts, right? The politically correct term (at least in affluent Dubai circles) would be the ‘foreign underclass’.

Remember that this isn’t a government with democratic law like ours. Or even a family-power that has the people’s welfare in their best interest…unless, of course, those people are spending hundreds and thousands of their earnings in Dubai’s vast malls, attractions, hotels and boutiques.

Hundreds of thousands of men who left their families in other countries came to Dubai with the promise of an earning potential that would keep their families at home off the streets only to find hell and entrapment.

Passports are taken from these men by the companies that hire them, only to be returned when the ‘fees’ for their travel to Dubai are paid off, which takes years because of the payout they receive. The payout? …is usually about less than a quarter of what was offered when they were safe at home in their own countries.

They live in squander: triple-decker bunk beds, no air conditioning, toilets that are nothing more than holes in the corner of the room of their concrete cells and that’s not even mentioning the ‘work’ they do!

Since the world’s economy has taken a turn for the worse, the electricity has been turned off in the camps they call ‘home’ and the workers haven’t been paid in months. Construction companies have disappeared along with the hope that they will ever be able to go home. How can you when you have nothing? Not even a passport. The only reprieve that these men seek now is sweet death. Suicides are common in the camps and construction sites but, according to human rights groups are widely accepted as ‘accidents’ among the construction community in Dubai.

They come to Dubai on the promise of wealth but are treated worse than a rancher here would treat his cattle. My question-how does this happen? How do we let this happen? Not as the U.S. but as human-kind? Is there really no regard for the life of another?

And...what can you do?

Source.

Source 2.

My Media Player Vol IX

2009-06-03T10:06:00.001-07:00

It's hump day all! And you know what that means, right?!? Uh...no, we're not all getting laid...sheesh! Get your mind out of the gutter...
It's the day you all get to be graced with my music post! Ok, so some of you may argue that the word 'music' should be used loosely when I'm picking the bands but (again), it's my blog!
I'll make you a deal...email/msg/comment me a band and I'll post in on an upcoming Media player! No, I'm not getting lazy...just tired of everyone giving their 'opinion' that my musical taste lacks...well...taste. :P

The Submarines - Honeysuckle Weeks
Website.
One of my friends told me to listen to the song '1940' quite a while go and I really liked them. Funny thing is I was shuffling through post-its on my desk the other day and ran across the name again so here you are! He especially enjoyed the first line of 1940: 'Somethings wrong when you regret things that haven't happened yet'...so f-ing true! Cinder Road - Superhuman
Website.
Same post-it. Makes me think I should either clean my desk more at work... I Hate Kate - Embrace the Curse
Myspace.
Ditto on the post-it. Also I'd like you to know that I've now retired the post it...there was a whole retirement party and shit for it-if you missed it, you were lucky. And...yes, I've had too much coffee today. :P

And baby makes 6!

2009-06-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

As of last night there's another new addition to my family! No, not my IMMEDIATE family silly! Seriously...was I pregnant anytime recently? (watch your answers here slackers!)

For those of you that are slow-learners...it wasn't me. My oldest brother and his wife welcomed their 4th child into the world last night.

Welcome to the world Julianna Lois! So sorry that you'll be living in Montana though-don't you worry, I'll start sending you out-of-state college apps in about 15 years. ;)

Wow...there's a plethora of girls in the Focken clan! 5 to 3 = good odds!

1 vs. 100 - XBox style!

2009-06-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

Ok say what you will about XBox or XBox Live but I'll be the first to admit that MS doesn't fuck up everything...just their operating systems, traffic in the good old town of Redmond, WA, thousands of people's lives from losing their jobs and, of course, the social lives of anyone still working there.

I will say though...they may have done something right with the designing of the 1 vs. 100 XBox Live Arcade game that was released to the American public in BETA form last night. The game is based on the popular game show of the same name and works like this: One player is chosen at random to be "The One," and 100 more are selected for The MOB ("Mass of Bodies"). Everyone else is in the 'audience' but can still play along with the game.

Ok so, yeah, a lot of people were pissed that they set the cap at 50,000 people and remember IT'S STILL FUCKING BETA! There will be issues and I have no doubt that my good friend over at MS testing the game will be working late nights (unfortunately) blasting bugs so that YOU can experience the game in all it's glory.

Side note: the cap for participants will be removed for this Saturday's game...

It should count as something that people weren't ABLE to log on-the game obviously has enough hype to grasp interest. And who's going to complain that there's a possibility of winning tangible prizes!
So...unhook the IV, go get some sun this week and I'll see you on Saturday!

Personal note: the game test lead is a fuckin' uber pimp...not to mention hot & very smart...but the line forms behind me ladies. ;)

Morphine ...and then some

2009-06-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

Who woulda thunk someone would read my blog?? Well, someone other than the 5 people I pay (checks are in the mail, I promise). ;)

Well, I must've been doing something right because it caught the attention of a bigger blog! I've been asked to be a staff writer for Morphine Nation. There's been a link to them on My Reading Material for a while now-it's good reading if you like that sort of thing. I'm guessing if you're still here-YOU DO! ;)

My writers profile (in the staff section) should show up by tomorrow and I plan on posting something asap! You're probably thinking 'great...now she can slack off even MORE at work!' Don't you worry about me-I'm a pro at multi-tasking...as well as other things. ;)

Make sure you read both my blogs though as they will probably be different content...but still the same SF-style. :)

This is an exciting opportunity for me and I hope you all will check it out.

I'll be posting on MN as Seattle Freeze also...Anyway, if you didn't catch the link above, here it is again: http://www.morphinenation.com/

PS-MN is also a blog of randomness, politically incorrectness and a plethora of generally fucked topics...not unlike this blog but maybe with a little more male influence. Enjoy!

Writers Block...

2009-06-01T08:23:00.001-07:00

This counts as a blog...because I said so.

Dear Facebook whore,

2009-05-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

Your time is up. Yup...up.
Go away.

I'm not even sure why I have a Facebook profile anymore, do you? No, seriously...do you know why I have a Facebook? It's an actual question...

I ran across this article today and just had to post it for all to see!!!!

These are the reasons...all 1 through 15...that I've entertained the thought of quitting the worldwide addiction known as Facebook.

15 Reasons To Quit Facebook.

I especially like the one about people posting unflattering pics of you (and then tagging you!)...I hate those...
'But, I DID just drink 7 vodka Redbulls, threw up in my best friend's lap, then fell asleep on the pitbull with vomit on my chin. I PROMISE that's not how I normally look!'

If any of my relatives saw some of these pics or notes, I'd have a lot of explaining to do to my dad...ugh...and NO ONE wants that.
'Seriously dad, I promise I didn't have sex with that guy in the Penney's dressing room-he was mistaken...it was Macy's.'

What about potential employers?!?
'Yes, I am willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead in this company...although I'm a little concerned with where you heard I'm good at giving head?'

The friend requests from people you NEVER talk to or used to hate in High School.
'Yeah, I guess 15 years is a good time to start up a new friendship between us. How about we become Facebook 'friends', then go right ahead and ignore each other? It'll look like we're friends because of our Facebook...when actually I can't remember your last name. Sound good? Good.'

Or the invitations! I got an invite to a wedding in Montana this week for a girl I haven't spoken to in 16 years! Not only that but...I didn't really talk to her in High School either!

One of my friends tries really hard to actually 'connect' with people when they request to be HER friend. They never respond to her messages after she's 'accepted'...pretty lame if you ask me.
'LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! I HATE 7,568 FRIENDS!' ...even though I couldn't care less about them to even respond to their sincere message asking how I've been for the past 20 years...

Don't get me started on Twitter...
Your thoughts?

My Media Player, VIII

2009-05-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Massive Attack - Collected
Myspace.
A friend of mine told me about this band and, although one of their songs is the theme song to my favorite TV show (House), I didn't know the band! Listen to 'Teardrop', the song from House! 30 Seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Website.
I've liked 30 Seconds for quite a while now, well...at least since I found out that the lead singer is Jared Leto-you know, this guy. He played Jordan Catalano on 'My So-Called Life' with Claire Danes? Also saw his hot bod in Fight Club and Alexander? Yeah, him....remember?
You know...that pic is so good, I think I've found new wallpaper. ;) Lady Antebellum - Lady Antebellum
Website.
Ok, you're probably just as shocked as I am about this submission and please forgive me for breaking out of the 'box' I've packaged myself in.
Yes, it's a country album. Yes, there's a bit of 'twang'. Yes, there's a reason I'm requesting you listen.
LA partnered with Brita, the water filtration company, to encourage people to drink filtered water and reduce bottled water waste-which is a great, great, great cause! I won't go into it here but, please read more. The campaign is called Filter For Good.
Not only that, but their single on this album, 'Run To You' has the underlying message of 'paying it forward'-something I feel we all lack.

Cut to the Chase....

2009-05-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm so clever with titles. :)
As many of you know, the banking giant, Chase, bought out Washington Mutual a while back.
Over the weekend, the acquisition was completed with the merging of the online system. So, while I hadn't had any issues with it yet, I found a major one today...and I feel the need to rant.
I expected the merge to be annoying so a few months ago, I switched my checking account to Navy Federal Credit Union because I've always heard that credit unions are more stable than banks for these reasons:

-Credit Unions generally don't get caught up in risky investments as banks or S&L's do. They look out for the interests of their members which is not usually the case with huge banks.

-Credit unions are owned by their members, while banks are owned by their shareholders. If you have an account, you're required to keep a small amount in a savings account, representing your share of ownership.

-You get to vote for the board of directors.

This doesn't mean that credit unions can't still 'go under', they can. But, it's much less likely from my understanding.

With that said, I admit that I still have a savings account through WaMu and my auto loan through Chase. Like I said, WaMu made the final switch to Chase this weekend, which means that my savings account is now a Chase account.

I logged on this morning because I pay my Chase auto account (on the 25th) from my WaMu savings account. It's not set up on auto-pay and it's a good thing it's not (based on the info I rec'd this morning) because I could have gone weeks without noticing that it wasn't paying.
I tried to make the payment transfer from Chase savings to Chase auto loan. Nada. I always get irritated when simple things take a lot longer than either anticipated or have in the past.
I had to make the call to Chase to see what was going on...it should be an easy fix, right? They should be able to just click a button and I can move on with my life... Not gonna happen...apparently.
So, the new rule is that I can't transfer from a savings account to a loan account with Chase. I'd have to open a checking account or use an external account.
My question? I was able to do it with WaMu all the time...why not now?
The answer-WaMu had different rules than Chase does. LAME!
WTF? After all the hype about how they'd try to make the merge seamless, you'd think that something this trivial could be part of that!
Fuck that! I'm not opening a Chase checking account. In fact, I'm closing my savings account altogether because the only reason I had it open was because part of my paycheck goes into it to make the car payment (I've just been putting off making it auto pay until the switchover to Chase, thinking it'd be smooth).
Now I have to set up an external account with my NFCU account (which could take days to 'verify'), transfer money from Chase savings to NFCU for the payment (which takes 4-5 business days) and then pay my car payment (which will take 2-3 days to show up).

We're here for you....my ass!

From those of us who live in freedom...

2009-05-25T05:45:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to honor our troops, families and friends today by acknowledging the REAL reason for Memorial Day.

Dust storms don't hinder progress.

2009-05-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

When I first started research for this post, I was in awe-complete amazement of the beauty that I found in the buildings and landmarks that grace the desert we refer to as the United Arab Estates.

In the past 20+ years Dubai has emerged as a state of great wealth due to some very financially savvy sheiks. Revenues from the discovery of oil was used to make the desert boom. A city was built in less than 3 decades that is considered a center of tourism and financial services, hoovering up cash and talent from around the world.

What I'm going to show you here is to what degree Dubai, one of seven emirates in the UAE, has blown up.

Dubai in 1990: Dubai 2007: Crazy, right?

Now take that construction whirlwind (random fact: Dubai is said to have up to 25% of all the world's cranes) and step it up a notch. Dubai is known for it's extreme 'firsts' in the world of architecture.

The world's first underwater hotel, Hydropolis: The world's tallest hotel, Rose Tower. The world's 3rd tallest hotel, The Burj al-Arab. It is considered the only ‘7 star’ hotel-the most luxurious hotel in the world. It stands on an artificial island in the sea. Speaking of islands: The World Islands off the coast of Dubai. 300 artificially created islands in the shape of the world. When finished, each island will have an estimated cost of $25-30 million. Picture shown is an image of what it should look like when completed. Ski Dubai, the world's largest indoor skiing facility...in the middle of a desert. Wow. Dubailand. Currently, the largest amusement park collection in the world is Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando , which is also the largest single-site employer in the United states with 58,000 employees. Dubailand will be twice the size. There are many, many others. Read on for more.

But, remember, with massive efforts to top the world's 'firsts' list, comes great hardship. Tune in next week for more...

a. Pill, b. Depo, c. IUD, d. None of the above.

2009-05-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

I choose d. None of the above.
"Me? On the pill? No, I figure my boyfriend will take care of things." Sounds weird when the roles are reversed, right? But soon, women will be able to pawn off the contraceptive burdens onto their men! That's right...you read it here! Male contraception.

It has a nice ring, don't you think? It's about time that we were able to rely on our guys for more than just opening doors, lukewarm orgasms and twisting off caps from jars. Ok, you're right, touche'...I can give myself a lukewarm orgasm-I don't have to rely on a man. ;)

But...I digress. Dr. Yi-Qun Gu, MD, of the National Research Institute for Family Planning in Beijing, China, is among the researchers that are helping develop an injectable contraception for males. In this study, a guy is injected monthly with 500 mg of a formulation of testosterone undecanoate in tea seed oil for thirty months. So far, this contraception has found to be reversible and without serious short-term adverse effects on participants.

Currently, studies are being performed at 10 research locations throughout the world, including the University of Washington in Seattle. You can learn more about the study here.

I know what you guys are going to say...'what about the side effects? Health issues in correlation with taking testosterone (ultimately, a steroid)? So far...a little weight gain. Just jump on a treadmill 3 times a week, you'll be fine. :)

Have you guys ever wondered what's in the female versions of our birth control?
Progestin is in the 'pill'. Wanna hear some of the side effects?
Weight gain, nausea, breast tenderness, headaches, mood changes, and blood clots...not to mention the annoyance of having to remember actually 'taking' the pill.
The Depo shot?
Some side effects are headaches, dizziness, nervousness, some loss of scalp hair, some increase in body hair, loss of bone density and risk of osteoporosis, delayed fertility, decreased sex drive, weight gain, leg cramps, and bloating. Fun, huh?
The IUD?
This is probably the least annoying method and the most effective but the side effects can still be maddening: cramping, mood changes, acne, headaches, pelvic pain and nausea. And that's not to mention having to keep tabs on the 'string'. Sheesh!

So the next time you wonder why we're so bitchy, read these again then bring us ice cream.
Until then...ask your doctor how you can help take some of that burden from your girl without being a douche and offering the 'pull and pray' method.

Reference here.

You give me the ammo, I'll blog about it.

2009-05-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

It seems that there's been a run on gun ammo in the state of Montana lately. While this doesn't surprise me, it still strikes me as funny. Montana, a conservative state (for the most part) with a tendency of right wing, gun-toting hunters, has seen an extravagant increase in the sales of guns & ammunition due to the fear of a 'potential' tightening of gun control laws by the Obama administration.
My question here is (as it was during the Clinton administration too)...Why?!?

I think these people don't really understand the meaning of 'gun control' and the need for it. Gun control is based on the 2nd Amendment that allows us the 'right to keep and bear arms' but, people forget that owning a gun does NOT guarantee freedom. Sure it keeps the conspiracy theorists among them in sound mind but let me ask you this... Does owning a gun REALLY keep you safe?

Timothy McVeigh didn't commit his crimes with a gun, yet he killed 168 people!
The Unibomber, Theodore Kaczynski, also killed several people without the use of a firearm...and he could have gotten one fairly easily by living in Montana:

Montana is a “will-issue” state for concealed weapons permits. Any law-abiding citizen who fills out the application and can show they've completed some form of firearm safety course can obtain a permit.

Side note: I owned a 9MM several years ago that I got a permit for in Montana and I didn't even have to take the firearm safety course. See? They'll give guns to anyone!!! ;)

With this said, I do admit that the total confiscation of firearms could lead to...issues.

“We are being asked what would be the stance of local law enforcement if the federal government calls for the confiscation of firearms,” Ravalli County Sheriff Chris Hoffman said. “That's a very real concern for people.”

But I see it as a concern for the community around someone who is disgruntled about losing their rights to use their firearm at will. What's wrong with a few more restrictions on the sales/ownership of firearms?
I say...just chill...in about 8 years we'll do something stupid like put another Republican in office and he'll give you back the extension to your manhood. Sheesh.

An upside to the nature of the influx of gun enthusiasts? It's creating jobs in the manufacturing facilities that make guns and ammo. What comes around, right?

Full story here.

I'm assuming I'll have comments on this one...bring it boys-I like a challenge. ;)

Live Long & Prosper

2009-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Dude! Go see this...if not because you like Star Trek but for Captain Kirk...seriously-you will NOT regret it...

My Media Player, VII

2009-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

I realized yesterday that I never gave my readers a very important link! I know that you won't be running to the music store to buy any of the Media Player submissions that I post (or pirating them instantly...you know who you are!)-you probably want to check the music out FREE first, right?!

In that case, feel free to check out most all of my contributions on IMEEM before you trip over yourself getting to the door.
You have to sign up (just email/password stuff) and they will send you a confirmation email, click it.
At the top R hand corner, click 'skip and add friends' then 'skip to favorite artists' then 'complete signup', then 'no thanks, go to home'. I promise (PROMISE) that you won't get spam email from this (but...if you're worried, just use a junk email account-you know you have one!).

Now you're ready to stream my favs!!! For FREE!!! Check it out!

Emerson Hart - Cigarettes and Gasoline
Website.
I ran across this guy in my search for artists this week and he sort of reminds me of the country band, Emerson Drive (even more cool that they have similar names). Even though I don't like country, I like ED specifically because of a song on their first album called 'Fall Into Me'. Emerson Hart is not considered 'country' (in case you were worried) but check out the song 'If You're Gonna Leave'...it's a good sound. Dropping Daylight - Brace Yourself
Website.
I was looking for a band with a similar sound to Thriving Ivory (one of my new favorites) and heard the title song on this album...not only do I love the tunes but the words were exactly what I needed at that precise moment (plus who doesn't like lyrics that say 'go fuck yourself, I'm breaking out'?). I promise there's more to it than that though...it hit home for me.
Check out the full lyrics here! One Less Reason - A Lifetime Burning
Myspace.
This is similar to the above artist but with more of a 'garage' feel.

At least we're not at risk for another baby boom this way...

2009-05-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Trojan stock rises 182 points!

Now that I have your attention...that's not actually true but, I'm hoping to buy some stock so I'm trying to create buzz. And, those of you who know me wouldn't be surprised that this is what I chose. ;) And...NO, not because I sink my life savings into them...shame on you! I'm a huge advocate, that's all.

But, what is true (at least according to USA Today), is that condom sales rose 5% in the last quarter of 2008!

Well, of course! Even more so nowadays do people want to prevent the risk of an unwanted pregnancy (unless, of course, you are a certain single, crazy California woman who uses children to fill her emotional voids).
It's much cheaper buy a 12$ box of condoms once a week than spending the 340,000$ from birth to college (not including college expenses). Ok, and some (lame people) might even admit that a box of condoms a week is a bit liberal...but I pretend that those people don't exist.

Yes, people that's 11232$ for 18 years vs. upwards of 340,000$-I can even do that math.

Plus...no one has any money!!! What else can they do?

Random fact: There are more birthdays in the fall than any other time of year. Why? Because during the winter, how else do you keep warm?
Fact: I'm an October baby.

Now...moral of this post?
Suit up & remember, practice makes perfect. ;)

Recession puts people in the mood.

It's ok to ask 'wtf?' here...

2009-05-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

Some days are like this...

At least I have a job, right?

2009-05-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

I told you I'd actually post a blog of substance today so here goes...

Yesterday I 'expressed interest' in a position that will soon be open at my place of employment. I haven't gone into detail much about what I do or my employer so maybe I'll give you a rough detail about it:
I work for a manufacturing company that builds custom wine cellars, saunas and steam baths (yeah, I know, steam baths?). We sell/build/install every detail of our products (ie: murals, tables, racking, cooling systems, glasses, buckets/ladles, rocks, etc.). We do NOT sell wine though and ARE NOT connected to the winery with the same name...so, don't ask. ;) We've installed cellars for quite a few famous people too!

Well, right now our cooling department is blowing up (in a good way) and we actually build our own systems, do installations, repairs, etc. The manager of that department (the Sales and Service Manager) is taking a different position in the company so...I gave it some thought and took the chance.
Now, I don't have the exact experience they are looking for (but...neither did he when he started) but, since I've proven my 'worth' over the past several years, I'm being considered. And...they know I can do it.

The issue here is that my boss (and owner) whom I talked to about it, wants me to expand elsewhere into the other part of the company that they are pushing right now (which, actually, would be more my 'style') and could possibly lead to a sales/marketing/traveling position. There's a guy who already does it but they want him to have help. I'm leary about this because I don't want them to think it's ok to push me into an administrative assistant position (which would be a step down from what I'm doing right now) so...I have to make sure (when the time comes) that I'm being considered his equal and not his bitch (meaning...make your own fscking travel arrangements!).

My dilemma? There's always a lot of talk...but rarely...action. I know I've seen the Cooling department and even the Signature department (the one my boss was referring to) expand in the past year beyond what was expected but...should I be willing to wait? Again? Especially knowing that it would indefinitely be 'on hold' til the economy picked back up. I say this because...there has also been 'talk' of me getting an office for my current job (accounting) for a while but...nothing. Ok so...most of this is rhetorical and I don't know that answers would help but...again, this is my blog. :P
It could turn into nothing but...I'm excited to have let them know that I'm ready for something...more.

Anyway...as for substance-you be the judge...

How am I?

2009-05-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted anything of substance in a while so I'll apologize if I'm leaving my readers hanging. Maybe this will explain my mood lately: So, the moral to this story is...LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT IT ALREADY! I'll come back around soon, I promise. ;) Ok...TOMORROW! Watch for a post tomorrow! :P

My Media Player VI

2009-05-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

I usually don't like female music artists much but the first 2 albums are by bands with female leads that I've liked for years...what do you think?

The Veronicas - Hook Me Up
Website.
They have a distinct 'pop' sound...works well for me when I'm working out. :D Saving Jane - Supergirl
Website.
I have to admit that I haven't actually heard this new album yet but I LOVE the first 2 (Girl Next Door & One Girl Revolution) so I assume this one is awesome too. :) Silversun Pickups - Swoon
Website.
This is the newest album for SP and, truthfully, I think I like the last one (Carnavas) better. The newer album has several instrumental songs, which is cool-I think it's just 'different', which is why I'm having trouble with it. But, seriously...check out Carnavas! ...I have to say though-whoever designs their album covers-AWESOME!

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

2009-05-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

I realize that I may not have shared this rare gem with the world (the 'world' being my 5 readers). NPH rulz!!!!!!!!

Gift Certificates up to 70% off!

2009-05-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

We've all been feeling the economic credit crunch lately so I thought I'd post something a couple friends told me about recently that might help ease the social suffering that might be resulting.

Even though we are all hoarding our money, we still like to go out once in a while, right?

Here's a way to do that and still be frugal!

Restaurant.com

Look for restaurant gift certificates up to 70% off! For example, there are 10$ certs for only 3$!!!!!

Check it out!
(Be aware of the 'minimums' and alcohol restrictions though.)

Today's 'WTH' moment...already.

2009-05-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

A woman I work with told me about this today and I just have to say "wth"?!

A Salem, OR man was arrested Tuesday for putting an electric dog collar on each of his four children and shocking them.

Todd Marcum, 41, said he did it "because he thought it was funny," Salem Police Lt. Dave Okada said.
Marcum told police that he would chase the 3-year-old boy around with the collar, making him cry at the thought of being shocked. Okada said that because of the boy's behavior, it is likely that the children were shocked more than once.
Marcum was taken into custody on four charges of first-degree criminal mistreatment. He is in the Marion County jail.
"Regardless of what your kids are like, it's sure not going to cure any behavioral problems," he said. "Bottom line is, what he did was dead wrong."

And now for a little SF opinion...

Cruelty to kids, to me, is the WORST offense someone can make. Kids, generally, can't defend themselves or are afraid to because of the consequences they are feared to suffer.
Anyone, like this guy, who mistreats them should have their kids taken away (at the VERY least). Jail-time is tempting as is castration (so he can't bring any more innocents into the world to abuse) but...I know the jails are full and the other is well...controversial.

Read the whole story here.

My Media Player V

2009-05-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

So, maybe you can tell by now that much of my musical inspirations come from the TV show 'One Tree Hill'-it's the only TV 'drama' that I regularly watch...and probably because of the music (but mostly for Chad Michael Murray and James Lafferty).
Ok...the actresses are alright too...

But...anyway, this week's Media Player submissions aren't exceptions to the rule and the first 2 albums I'm suggesting you check out are because of this show...

Carolina Liar - Coming to Terms
Website. Matthew Perryman Jones - Swallow the Sea
Myspace. Seether - Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
Website.
My brother has had a lot of influence on me when it comes to music (except Green Day, I hate Green Day)...I remember him blasting a Seether CD in the truck one day (several years back) and I was hooked. And...for fun, I'll quiz you here: the 4th song on the album is titled 'FMLYHM'-what does it stand for? Kinda hardcore... ;)

How far is too far?

2009-05-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

I came across an article today as I'm researching another blog I intend to write that made me ponder my title question.

A court in Dubai found a 27 year old Lebanese woman at fault when she found herself in a traffic collision resulting in the loss of her unborn child. (As a side note, I've found that Dubai is notorious for fatal road accidents because of their lack of traffic enforcement).

The stunner in the story is, though, the verdict is that she has to pay 5,450.00 (in American dollars) in 'blood money' to the unborn baby's next of kin.

What? Wouldn't the next of kin be ... her? Possibly the woman's husband? Or another of her children (if she has any)? So...she has to pay her husband or kid for the loss of her baby...?

And we thought we had stupid laws.

See the full story here.

Space Invaders

2009-05-01T09:41:00.001-07:00

This goes perfectly with the feelings you probably got from my first post today. ;)

Because it's my blog-that's why!

2009-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

I realize that recently I've thrown a lot of 'serious' issues at my blog readers but please stay with me! ...crazy girl questions below...

A few months ago, I broached the subject of bene-friends and the logistics of such. I did so because it hits a bit close to home regarding a situation I'm in...well, I guess it's not really a situation but more like the normal 'bene-friend' arrangement.
The arrangement goes like this: if neither of us are in relationships, we have sex. Easy enough explanation, right?

The conundrum I'm having though, is that there's a relationship I'm working on outside of this (for the past few months) and am not sure where one begins and the other one ends. ...I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense yet but ... wait.

For the record (because I know some of you have questions)-I haven't been having sex with my 'bene-friend' since I met the 'new guy' (nor do I want to). Happy? :P

A side note (that tangles things a bit) is that my bene-friend is an ex-boyfriend (who hasn't dated or been with anyone but me in 2 years). And, as I said in a previous blog, this is an acceptable bene-friend arrangement if both parties are on the same page about things. Ours being, that neither of us have actually wanted more from the relationship since we split 2 years ago.
But another problem is...I've been able to be the most 'needy' in my life with this ex. And...I'm not a needy person but am wondering if I should be more so? Independence is one thing but...what about when I just need to say:
'I'm tired of being alone. I'm sick of sleeping alone. And why can't I be needy sometimes? What's wrong with that?'
By 'needy' with him, I don't mean calling him, wanting things from him, etc, etc...I mean...emotionally. Although I know he's not the only guy in my life that I feel won't judge me, he's the closest.

Let me try to make more sense. Examples!

He comes over late last night because he's in the area and slightly drunkish (this is how it normally goes...fyi). I'm not going to turn him away because I wouldn't do that to ANY of my friends (I'd rather they be safe with me).
We talk for a while (ok...we talk til about 1:30 a.m. because I actually haven't seen him in 3 months).
I ask him this: 'What about me keeps you coming back around?'
Because, in the overall realm of things-this answer could be the key to the disappearance of my single days!
He says, 'You don't need me.'
(then he told me I should move into his apartment building in Seattle, even offering to let me bring my 'boyfriend' by to play Rock Band anytime I wanted)

But wait...now I'm confused. I don't need him?!? Apparently, I do, right? Otherwise, I wouldn't have let this 'arrangement' go on for so long? Otherwise, I wouldn't spill my emotional guts to him every time he's within 15 feet! Otherwise, I'd be able to sleep while he was there! Or otherwise, I'd have said 'Nah, don't come over to my house. How about we go to a movie this weekend or something?'

My question: Why do I feel bad? Me and the new guy haven't had the 'conversation' yet... Am I doing something wrong by even letting this 'bene-friend' stay knowing our history? Knowing that he'll try to crawl into bed with me at 2:30 a.m.? (which he did) Giving him information about me and my life that I should be divulging to a new relationship if I really want it to work?

But why am I so scared of new relationships??? Isn't that what I want? If it were, why do I still have so many past relationships in my life? What about connections? How do I know if they are real or not?

And the 10 million dollar question...how do I know if I'm a commitment-phobe or not?

I really don't want to be!!! But I'm worried that maybe I'm damaging new relationships without even knowing what I'm doing!

Oh and ... by 'emotionally spilling my guts', I mean...I asked him all these questions. Who does that? And what guy sits through it? (knowing full well he's not getting laid) And STILL comes back???

His response, 'You meet tons of guys SF. You don't need to worry about being alone for long. You just haven't met the 'right' guy yet. Talk to the new guy...be proactive about it. It's me who's afraid of commitment, remember?'

And he's right...unfortunately, he knows me that well.

I replied, 'I'm sick of meeting guys. I want to meet just one guy. I don't need the fairy tale, I just want the best-friend/he will always be there for me/sex whenever I want/tell me about your mundane day-thing.'
(seriously...how does he get to be the one that I can be so 'me' with?)

Then I left him on the couch and went to bed. (yes...I went bed alone)

Ok...now that I've been extremely open with you all, I'm going to post something funny and stop THINKING!! (it's overrated)

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

2009-04-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

...is the month of April. But...since I, personally, think that we need to be aware during ALL months-I still feel the need to blog about this on the last day of April.

Last night I attended a sexual assault awareness demonstration with several friends. The event was hosted by Take Back the Night, an organization that is canvassing to help communities create safe environments, respectful relationships and empowering survivors of sexual assault.

The event, itself, was very educational, enlightening and very emotional.

But also...scary.
Scary partly because many of these women didn't (and still don't) have people they feel they can trust enough to speak to. There were several women to 'speak out' whom have never talked about their experiences before! Not being a survivor (victim) of sexual assault myself, I can't (in the least) pretend to understand what these women have gone through and the shame that they feel because of it. What a lot of women don't understand is that-it's NOT their fault! No one DESERVES to be raped/molested/attacked. And, as one of my friends spoke out about, our language with one another doesn't help the problem.

Now for my confession (which isn't really a confession because I've actually told several people-although not in depth)... Even though I was never sexually assaulted, I am a survivor of physical, verbal and emotional domestic abuse (according to court records). It ended about 10 years ago but I let the relationship go on for 4 years too many. But I have 1 slight scar as a reminder to me that I am worth SO much more than what I was being given.
I've always chalked it up to 'I was young' but I think I always knew that I just wasn't sure of who I was and was looking for a place to fit in. I still haven't told my siblings or parents about it...although I'm not sure why... I guess I just didn't want pressure from them to make decisions I wasn't ready to make at the time. Since then, though, I've told boyfriends and friends so I know I'm capable of having that conversation with people.

I can safely say that I've never been in an abusive situation since-I'm a smart cookie and am pretty quick nowadays to notice the signs of 'control'. I also don't want my daughter to think that it's 'ok' to let someone treat you that way.

But because of last night, I know that I want to be the person that any of my friends/family/acquaintances can come to if they ever need to talk, help or just a shoulder to cry on.

Although...this did bring up a whole new realm of things I didn't want to think about and I couldn't sleep last night because all this was jumbling around in my head (about my own daughter):

What happens when she goes to college?
Her first frat party?
What about clubs? What's she going to wear?
What kind of friends will she be drawn to?
How can I instill in her that she deserves better than what 'society' says she should be allowed?
What about high school? Peer pressure to have sex/do drugs/smoke/drink?
What does she ACTUALLY think of me as a parental figure?
Am I doing a good job? Does she know she can talk to me about ANYTHING?
Does she actually think about/miss her dad?
Can I really do this alone? (the next 10 years, if needed)

Everyone needs reassurance...how can I help you? :)

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Regrets

2009-04-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine was prodding me as to why I haven't blogged much lately and I told her I didn't have any inspiration to bitch much in the recent past. She shot back an idea that I thought I'd run with...Regrets.

I'd like to make this somewhat interactive though. I want to know what other people regret too. What decisions or lack of decisions have you made (or not made) that you regret? What would you do differently? And, lastly, how are you going to go about rectifying the situations?

My regrets:
1. 4 whole years (but not the outcome).
2. Not finishing college the first time around.
3. Wasting too much time on friendships that aren't truly friendships and giving too much but getting too little in certain relationships.
4. 3 sexual encounters (done willingly, albeit probably drunkenly).
5. Not speaking up about how I felt or what was on my mind.
6. Buying a Plymouth Neon. (don't ask)
7. Not talking to my mom as much as I should.

But what about what you DON'T regret...that people would think that you did.

1. Having my daughter as a single mother.
2. Moving to New Mexico.
3. Cutting my hair short and dying it to my 'natural' color.
4. Not getting a tattoo.
5. Going to the grocery store in my pajamas (seriously...who cares?).
6. Eating carbs (pasta...yum!).
7. Blogging. ;)

Now you...spill...

I stumbled upon HELL on the internet...

2009-04-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

...and now I'm sharing it with you.

Can you even imagine saving up your tooth fairy money to get breast implants? An 11 year old who won't eat bread because carbs make you fat? (Don't they live on peanut butter & jelly sandwiches?) Or a 10 year old that owns more lip gloss than me (at 31) has ever owned?
Ok...the last part might be an exaggeration...I have actually counted 10 lip glosses in one purse alone. And, NO! It's not an addiction! I just like the sticky, wet stuff on my lips. (I'm talking about lip gloss you perverts! Although...).

I digress...

I read an article (which I've hyper-linked below) about tween girls who act more like 20-somethings than their 10 year old bodies actually are. And more disturbing is the fact that a large percentage of girls start puberty before they are even 10!

I know I've touched on this before but-what the hell? It's funny because, as I read the article, all I could think was 'STUPID PARENTS!' You are enabling your kids to be this way and not reassuring them that it IS ok to be a kid.
It's ok to have dirt on your face (under your nails, in between your toes...etc).
It's ok to eat ice cream sandwiches (they're SUPPOSED to have the metabolisms to work it off running later).
It's ok to let your hair dry naturally (the last time I used a blow dryer-probably the year 2002).
It's ok to not match your clothing (although, still a pet peeve of mine-ask Lex, she hates me for it. No, just because it's also a pink color does NOT mean it matches).
It's ok to want a water gun instead of the newest Cosmo girl magazine at the store.
It's ok to not wait the exact 2 minutes before rinsing out your conditioner in the shower.
It's ok to play.
It's ok to want to visit Build A Bear and not the Aldo store in the mall.

As my 9 year old rushes upon puberty age, I've been thinking more often about what I have in store for me. At the beginning of her 4th grade year, I noticed some 5th graders wearing eyeshadow and eyeliner (badly, I might add). I freaked just a little.
I guess my only reprieve is that I actually CAN apply makeup fairly well and I'll make sure that Lex knows the correct technique, colors and amounts to wear if and when she starts doing so.

But even just last night she said to me 'Mom, you're more of a girly-girl and I'm not. Can you paint my fingernails blue?'
*hoping the blue polish means she's not quite mature enough to understand that she's 'primping'*

Rise of the Child Women.

My Media Player, Vol. IV

2009-04-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

My first selection in this week's Media Player is a group that I found because of a car commercial. Shiny Toy Guns.

Here's the commercial. (Vimeo won't let me embed it).

The song that 'hooked' me is a remix of the classic "Major Tom" by David Bowie. Unfortunately, the full version of the Shiny Toy Guns remix isn't out yet but in the meantime, I'll be listening to this album in my new Lincoln MKZ. ;)

Shiny Toy Guns - Season of Poison
Website. Tyrone Wells - Remain
Website.
Heard the song 'All Broken Hearts' on the show One Tree Hill this week so I looked him up...great album! Nico Vega - Nico Vega
Website.
Also heard on One Tree Hill...what can I say? The show's got good music. :)

My Media Player, Vol III

2009-04-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

All 3 albums I'm recommending today are just random ones I found online and LOVE!

Safety Suit - Life Left To Go
Website
Uh Huh Her - Common Reaction
Website
Secondhand Serenade - A Twist In My Story
Website

This guy had guts...

2009-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

...to try to jack my car when I was less than a 100 feet away from it.

Yesterday, Lex and I went to Play It Again Sports (to look for quad skates and a small tennis racket for her) and parked in the almost-empty lot. As I got out, I noticed a guy walking through the lot but didn't really pay attention.
Walking away from the car, I hit the 'LOCK' button once on the key fob (if you hit it twice, it makes that annoying locking 'beep' so I usually don't).

I was about 100 feet way from it when I turn around to glance at it (not sure why I did this but...I did) and, at the same time, the guy who was walking through the parking lot casually tried to lift the handle as he passed by only to find it locked. I stopped...and I was a bit freaked out at this point.
It's like he didn't notice that I had JUST gotten out of it! Plus...he JUST KEPT WALKING! He didn't look around to see if someone had seen him or anything...apparently also not noticing me standing there dumbstruck by the fact that I just WATCHED a failed attempt at either the theft of my car or the precious 6 CD's I have inside! (I should probably start putting the sunroof down...just in case)...

Hmmm...I think there might also be a 2$ bill and about 3 $'s worth of pennies in there too...

But...he's lucky though but not because I would have run to the car screaming at him (and possibly ninja-kick him in the face) if it had, in fact, not been locked but because he would not have liked my car...at all.
First, it smells like a girl. For some reason, some days it smells really strongly like my perfume/lotion. Does this mean I wear too much?
Second, it hates.hates.hates cheap gas so you'll always be having to buy premium. She's a finicky V6...what can I say?
And third, it is probably the WORST car to drive in the snow that I've EVER had the opportunity to drive. So, let's just say, you'd probably have to leave it sit somewhere (flat) the whole time it snows (which, this past winter, was ALOT).

But, if you're going to be casing cars, I'd go somewhere nice to do that anyway. I hear Los Angeles has a lot of high end sports cars...you don't need my Mitsu...I promise.

Man...people are getting gutsy in this recession...

Worthless parents and their spawn

2009-04-20T11:15:00.001-07:00

Have you ever known people who just don't give a fuck and it rubs off on their kids or...people who should have been sterilized at birth so that they couldn't reproduce, thus creating little tiny devil-like brats? Now...before you get me wrong-I completely understand that not ALL kids are this way (I'm pretty partial to my little Lex Luthor, knowing full well that she's not perfect). And, yes, I 100% agree that parents create these little beings of terror based on their actions and genes. But...seriously? I hate.hate.hate when people are so stupid that they don't see and can't understand that their kids might be evil (especially since it's most likely a failure on the parents' part).

I have always fully accepted that my kid isn't perfect, never will be and shouldn't ever be expected to be (no matter how hard I try). I understand that she's going to have moments of temper, moments of bad decision-making and moments of selfishness...she's a kid, it's expected. But I do have to admit that (now that she's older), it's easier to fix. And, the most important thing is...I don't put up with it. She doesn't talk to me like she runs the household...it doesn't fly. She's not as rude and she's definitely not rude or disrespectful to other adults...and she truly cares about others.

Ok...I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. This rant isn't really about my kid though, it's about the neighborhood bully-a year younger than Lex who has targeted her as his 'victim'. Unfortunately for Lex, this has been going on for several years now. What I don't understand is how someone so young (in his case) knows how precisely to fuck with another person? Why do you think you can blatantly lie about things and, just because you're a kid, think you can get away with it? How does he know what to say to hurt someone so deeply? How does he know about so many inappropriate things to say to spout off at opportune moments? And why is he so horribly disrespectful of another human being?

What it comes down to is...his parents. I'll give you a bit of back story here... His parents consist of an alcoholic (recovering or not, I'm not sure) and a woman who suffers from chronic depression. How do I know this? The mother, of course. I'm sure it's all in an attempt at attention but when you ever get the 'opportunity' to talk to her, she doesn't shut up. I've gone over there to complain about the way her kid treats my kid several times only to end up hearing about her life story including the sob story of her husband's alcoholism, the reasons she left him in the first place, his coming back and her bragging rights to being on meds to control her depression along with using it as an excuse to not be able to work. Uh...maybe you'd be less depressed if you had not let your alcoholic husband come back and treat you and your kid like crap. Plus...your kid treats you like crap because his dad makes it seem like it's something that should be accepted.

What brought on this rant? My weekend drama:

Lex had a friend spend the night on Friday night and Saturday morning they went outside to play. Amid their playing, the little girl broke something in the complex (doing something Lex told her they weren't supposed to do). So...yeah, I was ticked...obviously...but I called and left a message for the manager letting him know and asking him to call me.

He didn't call. I assumed either he was busy or...it wasn't a big deal since the object that got broken was already broken (the girl just made it worse).

8:00 pm...a knock at my door. It was the evil spawn's alcoholic father.

Him: I just need to talk to Alexa.

Me: Oookaaayyy. (leary of the situation but Lex is right next to me)

Him: Alexa I just wanted to tell you that you can't blame the broken railing on (insert his kid's name). He gets blamed for everything and I wanted you to know that he's not going to get blamed for this because you broke it. (PS-the kid gets blamed for things because he's usually the one I WATCH actually causing the destruction, you jackass! Oh...and then lying to you about it...nice touch).

Me: (extremely pissed at his outburst towards my child) Excuse me? You can't talk to her that way! I don't know what you're talking about but she has a father and it's NOT YOU (granted she has no contact with her dad but...he doesn't know that)! We didn't blame him for anything, I'll have you know. I called the manager and he has yet to call me back. I'll take it up with (insert manager's name), it has nothing to do with you.

Him: (to me...finally) grumble, grumble (something incomprehensible...maybe because he was drunk...I don't know) Well, I just want to make sure...

Me: Slamming door in his face, picking up phone and dialing the manager's number (yet again) to complain about this guy.

I was assured by the manager's wife that they would talk to him but that doesn't stop me from being freaked out. Forgive me for being dramatic but...what if this guy goes on a bender and decides to take out his aggression on me...or worse, Lex? And...since I already mentioned that the kid is horrible, you can bet he's already told Lex that his dad has a gun...fuck.

Have you ever known someone who just gave you the willies? Someone who, you would swear, was a pedophile, rapist or peeping tom? This guy has always made me feel uncomfortable in a leering, sex offender sort of way. And...what the fuck? Would you ever, EVER go about the situation like he did? Who the fuck does he think he is talking to my kid that way?? My own brother wouldn't talk to her that way and he certainly (as her uncle) has every right to reprimand her. Plus...I WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE! I would never dream about doing that to another kid that I wasn't responsible for and who's parent is RIGHT FUCKING THERE! And was he feeling a bit defensive because he knows his kid is the next Timothy McVeigh and possibly was the one who broke the railing in the first place? Destructive little jerk that he is? Oh yeah...and...are you fucking kidding? What the hell do you care? No one even mentioned it to you! Plus...it's not your responsibility asshole!

So...since this has gone on for way too long, I feel the only thing I can do is move my daughter out of the situation. So yeah, since they're already closing her school at the end of the year (due to budget cuts in the district) she'll be switching schools anyway...and I'll be looking to move. Eastside maybe? Seattle? Just somewhere else...hopefully.

Until then, Lex is stuck playing extremely close to my apartment and forbidden to talk to the other kid (although the kid makes this hard because he incessantly taunts her and calls her names).

So...I know it's a controversial topic but...thoughts on sterilizing people who would make 'unfit' parents? And...maybe your definition of 'unfit'? Plus...now what do I do???? :)

My Media Player, Vol II

2009-04-15T14:38:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I've decided to do this every week! Lucky you!

Thriving Ivory - Thriving Ivory
Website
Saw them on Rachel Ray yesterday and I LOVE their sound!
Matthew Ryan - Some Streets Lead Nowhere
Website
I was surfing for music and came across this the other day...I cannot tell you how many times I've listened to this album so far. :)
Angels & Airwaves - I-Empire
Website
I heard a song as background on the CW show 'One Tree Hill' one night and fell in love with it! Since then, I've downloaded all the albums...

Archbishop's views on condoms...made me hot.

2009-04-15T13:04:00.001-07:00

Is that wrong? Or is it because I'm at my 'peak' and am almost constantly 'excitable' that the following statement by the incoming (*snicker*) Archbishop of Westminster, The Most Rev Vincent Nichols, touched me:

"Existing condom advertisements "demean" young people by promoting "drunken fuckery" and "casual anal sex on the street corner."

and...

"At the end of most modern-day sexual encounters, the man will finish by removing the condom and ejaculating over his lover’s face, buttocks or breasts… There is little point in even using a condom anymore, and it is no longer compatible with contemporary sexual practices."

Now, while I have limited experience with 'drunken fuckery on street corners' (limited, as in...none at all), I do have to say that this guy knows a lot more about sexual practices than I would like to admit.

But I guess my point it, WTF is he thinking? And what, exactly, is the other option if condoms aren't 'suitable' for 21st century sex? They've worked at a 100% level for me for the past 10 years. Should I be standing up as proof that they work as advertised? STD free and baby-free (no babies in 10 years=awesome!) should be good PR, right?

Read on for more info on his somewhat biased views of sex in the 21st century.

More.

Where do your taxes go?

2009-04-15T11:27:00.001-07:00

Click here, this is interesting. Use your mouse to zoom.

Tax Day Stuff!

2009-04-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Of course you've heard that many businesses are offering free stuff for people today (today, being tax day) but did you hear of this one?

The sex shop, Babeland, is offering free 'Gold Digger' vibrators to the first 100 people who come in and say that their taxes are done (can also be done with an online order). Of course the stores are in New York but, with further research, found that the only other store in the country is in Seattle! Score!

More Info.

Website.

Of course for those of you who already have a rockin' vibe, here are some more tax day freebies:

--->Cinnabon is offering free Bites treats, while they last, today. It's a promotion the company calls Tax Day Bites.

--->McCormick and Schmick's will have drink specials and it will hand over a $10.40 certificate for a future meal.
Seattle locations: 722 4th Ave., 1103 1st Ave. and 1200 Westlake Ave. N.

--->Come in Wednesday and P.F. Chang's will take 15 percent off your bill.
Seattle location: 400 Pine St.

--->Spend $15 to $25 at T.G.I. Friday's on Wednesday to get a $5 discount card; purchases over $25 earn a $10 discount.

--->Kidd Valley locations will take 15 percent off your order.
Seattle locations: Queen Anne, University District, etc.

--->15 percent slash off your total bill at Boom Noodle or Blue C Sushi (not including alcohol).
Seattle locations:
Boom Noodle - 1121 E. Pike St.
Blue C Sushi - University Village, Fremont, Alderwood mall

--->"Taxes Suck. Tacos Don't!" proclaims Seattle-based Taco Del Mar on a Web page announcing its Tax Day deal: Hand over your email address and they'll send you a coupon good for one free taco. Just print it out and take it in.

A 'fix' for the economy?

2009-04-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

Why wouldn't this work? I've thought about it for a few days and I can't come up with any reason why we shouldn't implement this tactic to fix the economic situation in the US:

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them each $1 million dollars tax free severance with the following stipulations:
1. They retire immediately. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2. They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3. They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their constituents pay their taxes.

If you do the math, it only comes out to about 40 trillion (I think my reference may have the incorrect numbers) dollars (chump change compared to the debt we've recently acquired; including monies paid to help out banks, the auto industry, the Tax Stimulus Bill 2009, etc.). Anyone care to expand?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge advocate of Obama and most of the changes he has decided to make but this would be cheaper...

PS-I know not everyone loves American cars (even me) but...it's just a car, right? And, at least a new one still has a warranty.

Reference here.

Time Machine Instructions

2009-04-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just in case any of my readers finally defy the laws of physics and invent an actual working time machine, make sure you post this inside it before you go.
Click to make it bigger (don't you wish you could do that with ALL things?). ;) Oh and...TAKE ME WITH YOU!

STFU skinny bitch

2009-04-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

Many of you have noticed that I am a woman and with my womanhood comes a love of shoes, clothes, hair, all things glitter, things that sparkle, Mark Wahlberg and basically, shopping in general.

As far as shopping goes, I go it alone. I actually prefer it this way because I don't like to be rushed, I'm kinda picky and I don't want to have to go look at baby clothes (if I go with a new mother), tools (if I go with a guy), toys (if I go with a kid), etc... Shopping is a very 'me' sport. I know what I want, I get it (on my terms) and I get out. End of story.

I also don't like to talk when I'm shopping. Now, I love helping friends/family with THEIR shopping and I'm very good at giving opinions on THEIR purchases, etc. and if it's mutual stuff-I can handle that too but when it comes to me-type things, I'll be left alone thank you (guys-read that as: I'll never ask you to go bra shopping with me).

With that said, my biggest pet peeve is when another shopper (a stranger) tries to have a conversation with me (with the exception of old ladies or men who need help, of course). I'm always willing to help out the elderly (someday I'll be there).

And I'm not outright rude to people, I just don't make eye contact. It helps me keep to myself (unless it's a hot guy...then all bets are off).

So, yes, there is a point to this post...basically I need to vent.

The other day I walked into a clothing store after having spent 2 hours washing my car (picture-ratty ponytail, dirt under my nails, maybe car wax on my shirt and possibly running mascara-I was HOT *sarcasm). BTW...my car is gorgeous! I'm in the store for an exact 13 seconds when this lady (older than me but prob only 40ish), comes up to me and asks me if I work there:

Lady: Do you work here?

Me: (looking around to make sure she's talking to me-as I mentioned I look a bit unkempt if I were to be at work) Ummm...No.

Lady: Oh, well I'm just trying to find the clearance racks.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry.

Lady: I need to buy a whole new wardrobe and this stuff is too big.

Me: (getting irritated) Hmm...

Lady: My boyfriend said I could buy new clothes if I lost weight and I just lost a ton of it! It just shed off like it was nothing-now I'm a size 2.

Me: (in my head) wtf?

Lady: (she kept talking but her words started to drown out as my head filled with ways I could blast her for all the stupid things she just said on my blog...this went on for probably 10 mins)

I just stopped responding and she eventually floated away and found an actual employee. I know this because she is also one of those people who need everything they say to be heard by everyone else.

So, I'll dissect what irritated me (up until I stopped listening):

Boyfriend SAID she could buy new clothes? Now, I'm not a feminist or anything but WHAT? Seriously...it's like this woman I work with who said she doesn't believe in global warming because her husband says there's no such thing. ...idiot.

Wait! She has a boyfriend? Fuck.

The weight just shed off? Size 2? Fuck you. As much as I'd like to think I'm a nice enough person, I can't handle it when people blatantly brag about things (especially weight-that one irks me for personal reasons). I guess I completely understand it if it's one of my friends or family though but-if I don't know you...you should shut up before I rip off one of your skinny arms and beat you with it.

And...the fact she actually tried to have an ongoing conversation all about herself with a complete stranger? By the end of it, I was under the assumption she was a tad bit crazy. Too bad I'll never know!

Ok...venting done for the day. :)

Finger Me

2009-04-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ok...maybe I should go into detail before you all flip out over the title....

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for you, it's pretty accurate though. But I'm not specifically talking about a type of foreplay, I'm referring to meditation...of sorts.

Orgasmic meditation, to be exact.

The focus for advocates of orgasmic meditation is specifically about 'touching a woman', nothing else.
The OneTaste organization has made news recently for conducting this up and coming new spiritual wellness program (puns intended).

OneTaste is an organization founded in 2004, with the goal of fusing spirituality and sexuality, and orgasmic meditation -- something of a signature practice -- is seen as a way of directly accessing spiritual energy and of breaking through the barriers around sexual contact.

The key to this type of meditation is that the participants experience it together. And, although orgasm isn't the 'goal', the effects of OM-ing, if done correctly, is similar:

It's a heady buzz, mixed with equal parts wooziness and intensity of focus paired with shaking like I just touched a live wire.

Finger movements that will make me forget my problems? Sign me up!
So...my only question now is-WHEN IS IT COMING TO SEATTLE?!? As you all know, I'd be game for that. ;)

Full Story Here.

And guys, they didn't forget about you...there are 'advanced' classes that shift the focus to you. I wonder how I can be trained to teach that???....

But remember...climax isn't the goal (but probably more like a pleasant surprise).

Another plastic bag bites the dust!

2009-04-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

Will Edmonds bypass Seattle in being 'ahead of the curve' (as CM would put it)?

Local legislation is pushing for the ban of plastic bags in retail outlets in Edmonds!

Story here.

This follows suit of Seattle and their recent ruling to charge people 20 cents for each plastic bag they use when at the checkout counter in hopes to get more people to choose paper or reusable bags.

Edmonds wants to ban plastic bags completely! And I agree! Although some would argue that the 'fad' of the reusable bags is very trendy-it also is very, VERY green-friendly!

Good job Edmonds!

My Media Player, Vol. I

2009-04-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

I realized recently that I rarely ever talk music on my blog! But that's probably because most of you know I have horrible taste in music (or so you say).

So I've decided to hook you up with some of my current 'fav' albums (which, doesn't mean they are NEW albums, just my favorites at the moment!

Augustana-Can't Love, Can't Hurt
Website
I can't seem to get enough of their new CD! Ian McFeron Band-Fistfight With Father Time
Website
This is probably my favorite band for sentimental reasons (because I know them and they are all extremely talented). This is not the newest album-just my favorite one! They are also currently on tour all over the western states! Check out the website! Fireflight-Unbreakable
Website
Until very recently, I didn't know this was a christian rock band...you'd never guess it! Stanfour-Wildlife
Website
Plus...let's just say I wouldn't kick any of these guys out of bed either. ;) Our Lady Peace-A Decade
Website
Gotta have a staple, right? Hinder-Take It To The Limit
Website
Hey...a girl's gotta rock. Blue October-Approaching Normal
Website
You can thank my brother for this obsession...

Smart Guys & Me

2009-04-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

People have questioned my adoration of the male species with an IQ higher than mine and why it matters if they are smart as long as they are freakin' hot. So girls and boys-if you've been reading my blog at all, you'll understand my answer:

SEX

Yes, there it is.

Let's take it up a notch though and explain. In my quest for love (or something like it), I've dated a vast array of men...

The Cowboy (Spare me your ego trip the size of your belt buckle please...)
The Toker (I'm being nice. The thing is-drugs aren't ok, grow up for your daughter's sake.)
The Hunter (There is only so much talk of shooting that perfect 8 point elk that a girl can take)
The Musician (While extremely hot and 'talented', lacks...substance)
The Hippie (Make a decision already!)
The Single Dad (I can relate but...you need a life outside of your kid, for you...otherwise, it's unhealthy. Trust me.)

But, what it always comes back to is that I have the most enjoyable relationships with the Engineers/Accountants/Computer Programmers of the pool.

And do you know why?

Because these guys want to know how you 'work'. How it all fits together. They take the time to figure out what works and they usually find it! It's in their personalities-they usually don't have a choice but to just be inquisitive of the outcome.

Physicists, for example, have the ability to project one's internal visualization and experiences onto the external environment. They, then, apply the ideas of physics to reality.

Computer Programmers intensely concentrate on building instructions to coax a computer to do what it's built to do. He can concentrate for hours, often losing track of time to realize what he believes is an artistic creation.

Engineers are energetic and advocates of the direct approach. They are also usually free of neurotic and psychosomatic symptoms (which, in this city, is RARE).

Doctors are conscientiousness, creative, communicative and have a level of commitment that is rarely found in other professions. (that's 4 C's!!! can't argue with that, can you?)

Now think of all those personalities I just listed and bring it to the bedroom.

Got it?

Fantasy-land, right?

Of course, I know that there is more to a relationship than sex but, here's the deal:

If you're a girl who is independent, non-needy, enjoys other friendships and likes to have time to yourself also, it works out great because usually men with these personalities have very busy work lives too.
But...when you do come together you, at least, can have a better conversation than about what you saw on Fox News that day.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone care about what makes you tick instead of how quickly they can get to the end result all the while throwing out some typical bedroom talk trash.
Whisper your explanation of the Quantum Entanglement to me and I'll offer to help you produce our own experimental predictions. ;)

Math and Sex Appeal

2009-04-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

Some of you have wondered why I love smart guys so much-the answer is easy. THEY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE DOING!

Oh and not just under the covers either. Have you ever sat across from someone while they recited the Pythagorean theorem? Or explained the mechanics of an elevator? Or the detailed account of what goes into developing computer programs/games? Well, I have...and boy does it make me hot!

Ok, to start I'll delve into a bit of math (stay with me here) and explain the concept the 'Golden Ratio'.

In mathematics and the arts, two quantities are in the golden ratio if the ratio between the sum of those quantities and the larger one is the same as the ratio between the larger one and the smaller. The golden ratio is an irrational mathematical constant, approximately 1.6180339887. Ancient Greek mathematicians first studied what we now call the golden ratio because of its frequent appearance in geometry.

The Golden Ratio has been widely advocated that it yields pleasing, harmonious proportions in art such as the Ritratto di Frà Luca Pacioli (painted by an unknown) or the Parthenon (below). Attractiveness has always been associated with an aesthetically appealing face. According to Luca Pacioli and Da Vinci, the more closely one’s face adheres to proportions dictated by the Golden Ratio, the more aesthetically appealing a person is therefore, exuding more sex appeal.

I bring this up mostly because I was watching the Discovery channel this weekend during late night hours and saw a video on sex appeal that I recommend everyone watching.

It's not like you can actually 'change' the aesthetic proportions of your face without many thousands of dollars worth of cosmetic surgery but it will have you searching for a ruler and awkwardly measuring your face. I did this in hopes to find another explanation as to why my dating life has been so turbulent. Maybe my face isn't 'proportioned' pleasingly enough.
I'll spare you my 'findings' but recommend you figure out the 'math' for yourself!

There are several videos so I'll just post the link to find them:

Click Here!!! Discovery Channel: The Science of Sex Appeal.

Best Condom Ad EVER!

2009-04-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

I'll write more later but I just needed to share this. It was too good to keep to myself.

Way to go Iowa!

2009-04-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Wow...how is it that a state in the Midwest can legalize gay marriage but the 'liberal' states have issues with it (*cough* Washington.)?

Full story here.

What if?

2009-04-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm getting kind of sick and tired of being the 'what if' girl.

(from his point of view):
What if I made a mistake and she's 'the one'?
What if I had just given it a few more months, maybe my feelings would be different?
What if I had given her a little more time from my day?
What if we lived closer together?
What if I wanted her because she wants me and not because she's unavailable?

Seriously guys...wtf?

Have you ever been faced with a 'what if' situation? Maybe a 'what if I do this and it falls apart...again'?

Yes, again. And that brings up another question for you; would you give an ex another chance? (to the people that know me-don't worry)

Would it depend on the situation? The reason for the relationship ending the first time? The time that had passed? And...distance?
What if they were dangling this 'thing' in front of you-something that you have wanted for so long but couldn't quite get a grasp of? Would it be considered 'settling'? What if the person had changed? (I know...maybe I'm kidding myself here)

And another scary realization: Do we, as secure women, secretly love the drama and find ourselves in these situations because we crave some sort of attention (no matter how fucked it may be)? And how does this always seem to happen...to me?

In the end...my answer is what it always is-the safe one. Details, details.

If my post made no sense to you either...then I achieved what I wanted-confused you. Now you know how I feel. :)

No worries, I'll expand on it later when I get a grasp of reality.

April Fool's

2009-04-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

For lack of witty-ness today I won't be posting a blog that is April Fool's minded. Those of you that know me may realize that this is odd...I'm having an 'off' day, deal with it!

Instead, I'm going to post a list of things about me-only 1 of which isn't true. You tell me which one it is and you'll win...my devoted friendship for as long as I can stand you. :)

Enjoy!

1. I worked at Quizno's in my early 20's.
2. I lost my virginity at age 18.
3. I've had sex in a Macy's mens dressing room.
4. I originally went to college on a scholarship for music.
5. I crashed my dad's truck the very first time I drove after I got my license at age 16.
6. I wore braces (teeth) in my mid 20's.
7. I've never cheated on anyone.
8. I had sex in the stockroom at KMart.
9. I played with Barbie dolls til I was 15.
10. I legally have 2 brothers and 3 sisters.

You'll be surprised...maybe. ;)

The anniversary of a disaster

2009-03-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

Fortunately for my readers, I'm not talking about my personal life.

Last week was the 20th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill on the Prince William Sound in Alaska. The spill devastated sea life, wildlife, the environment and the economy spanning all the way to Seattle.

"The massive spill stretched 1,200 miles from the accident site, and covered 3,200 miles of shoreline and an incredible 10,000 square miles overall."

Ok...so, yes, Exxon spent billions of dollars cleaning up the 'accident' (accident allegedly caused by a drunk employee) and plaintiffs were awarded millions of dollars in damages but...that doesn't mean that Exxon has actually PAID!

"This economic disruption is one basis of legal action against ExxonMobil, the biggest oil corporation in the world. Complex litigation has dragged on for two decades, and ExxonMobil is winning. There are 22,000 plaintiffs suing ExxonMobil. A jury awarded the plaintiffs $5 billion in damages, equal to what was, at the time, a year's worth of Exxon profits. This was cut by half by a U.S. appeals court, then finally lowered to just over $500 million by the Supreme Court. During the 20 years of court battles, 6,000 of the original plaintiffs have died. ExxonMobil, with its billions in annual profits and armies of lawyers, can tie up the Valdez case in the courts for decades, while the injured commercial fishers slowly die off."

So, now that the plaintiffs are dying off and Exxon Mobil still has funds to appeal (obviously...because of our current need for oil)-who do you think will win this battle in the end?

I'd bet my money on Exxon.

Do you know how they're 'able' to do it though? It's because, according to a 19th century Supreme Court decision, corporations have the same rights as individuals. Yet...none of the consequences. Do you ever see corporations going to jail? No...just (and not often) monetary fines (which they can write off on their taxes). But not often will they be expected to pay because they can afford to fight their battles in court without worrying about the cost of attorneys (unlike most citizens). So...how do we fix this? We make it known to our senators, our representatives and community organizers that this is NOT ok!

Maybe the current fallout from the AIG 'scandal' would be something we'd look forward to if corporations were responsible for their actions...just like we are.

My reference here.

Rant, Volume...(lost count)

2009-03-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

My ranting mood hasn't diminished yet today so I just wanted to say this:

Why the fuck do I even try?

Do you know how much time I've ALREADY spent on your account? I think if my boss knew the exact amount of time I've spent fixing the problems on YOUR end, he'd probably ask YOU to pay me!

I'm sorry that your staff is incompetent but...how, exactly, does that become my problem? Maybe you should start looking for people with (at least) a sense of organization.

My excuses aren't excuses-I really DON'T have time to train your people on basic accounting. And just because that's how you've been doing it for years, doesn't mean you've been doing it correctly...thus the reason we have this mess...again.

I know that the new girl (new like 8 months ago) didn't CAUSE the problems but why, again, do I need to prove that it's fucked on your end, not ours? Funny thing is that technology rocks and I keep my emails (organized!)-you'll be seeing those.

And another thing...they are not telling you the truth (my emails will prove this). Plus...I might have a little more pull than you think-I'm considered 'senority'...crazily enough. :)

AND!!! We get better customer service from your competitor's reps...which means a lot. Negotiating prices is pretty easy. ;) Oops! That's it...I'm done. I hope I have a better weekend. :(

Update!
HAHAHA Didn't realize he'd have my back, did you? See? It's the 'trust' thing I mentioned before...I PWN it!

The office gossip

2009-03-26T13:00:00.001-07:00

I'm not talking about the TV show either...unfortunately. If I were, this post wouldn't irritate me so much.

I don't like to bring up work in my blog because (as you can imagine), it might come back to haunt me. I'll be careful then and speak...generally.

Think about it-everyone has an 'office gossip'. Someone who can't let a day go by that they're not sticking their fat head into others' business. One person who, above all, could cause drama where there was none to begin with. There's one in my office...within close proximity. And no...it's not me. If you know me at all, you'll know I don't give a fuck. Well...I care but I also learn from the mistakes of others. I know the way to gain trust is to be trustworthy. Which, in the office world, means...STAY AWAY FROM OFFICE GOSSIP!

I do this pretty well, I have to admit.

The bad thing about office gossip is...it is rarely ever repeated in true form and could hurt your chances at promotions, salary increases, reputations, trust and the general 'being liked by others'.

Now, I don't care about 'being liked' but I have learned that the more you are 'liked', the more info you receive on a 'this stays within this office'-type situations. ;)

Yes, I play the game very well. I keep my nose clean, don't repeat stuff that could hurt others and I see right through the crap that the 'office gossip'-y types try to pull off as fact.

So this is what I have to say to MY 'office gossip':
I'm a woman too, I've played the game for a while, I know the rules (I helped make them) and I will always be one step ahead of you, in particular, because I know what a guy (ie: the boss) wants and doesn't want. Even though it's our boss, he's still a guy and he still expects the same general thing as your husband or boyfriend. Trust and follow through.
No one likes someone who's overly suspicious-it's not attractive.

PS...I know why the doors are closed but...what fun is the game if I told you straight out? It's much more fun to watch you make a fool of yourself. :)

Rez...it's how gamer girls get off

2009-03-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

Guys-what's better to you than playing video games for hours nonstop without your girlfriend bitching at you? All girls KNOW the answer but few guys ever really have the guts to say it out loud...it's playing video games for hours nonstop while getting a blow job by said girlfriend. Tell me that that wouldn't be in your top 5 fantasies...?
But, in reality, how do you keep your girl involved? It's always been an enigma because 2 things that guys love most are games and sex. Rarely ever do you get the chance to mesh the 2.

Over the weekend I personally experienced something that would give the girl a reason to sit next to you for those hours on end and actually beg you to play more (all the while making her happy too)!
The game is called Rez HD.

The technical explanation of the game isn't as fun as the actual experience:

Carrying the slogan "Rez will open your senses...let's go to synaesthesia" the dynamic, total integration of visual presentation, sound and player's input provided a rich aesthetic experience that was difficult to describe in words. While the basic gameplay was simple, critics called Rez "the ultimate audiovisual experience" and emphasized that "it must be seen and heard to be fully understood." The old-school vector style graphics, sensory response and beat synchronization presented by the game set aside the title apart from the rest of the games that were released during that time.

The story of Rez takes players deep into the world's computer network called Project-K. Here, the data flow is controlled by "Eden," who has become overwhelmed with the amount of information gathered on the network, causing it to doubt its existence and purpose. Eden finally shuts down, leaving the world in danger of catastrophic problems. As the hacker, the player must destroy the virus and firewalls that are obstructing the progress and restore Eden.

While Rez was originally released as a PS2 game, you can now find it via the Xbox LIVE Arcade in full HD quality.

Like I said before...the game, itself, isn't the reason I'm blogging about this. It's the umm...er...experience sitting next to the guy who's playing the game...with a second controller in my lap...vibrating to my hearts content.

Let me explain...the original game was released with a trance vibrator complete with a 'washable' cover. And please don't make me explain why it would have a washable cover...I'm sure you could figure it out. ;)

My 'experience' with Rez didn't include the actual trance vibrator but an additional regular wireless Xbox controller, which isn't shaped in a way that would be convenient to slip down my pants but...still serves it's purpose quite well. Although, I'm partially tempted to sweet talk my way into the 'real thing'.

This game is already visually stunning but then...the thumping started. First it was 'bump, bump, bump' in time with the music but as you progress through the level, the music gets more...ummm...intense. I'm sure you all could figure out what happens next. ;) Yep! The controller starts going crazy! The vibrations and thumps started to give me goose bumps and producing the synesthesia the creators were hoping for...as it should. ;)

Let's just say that I wasn't about to say 'Oh God, stop playing! Let's do something else!'...well, unless that something else involved a lot less clothing.

I know this wasn't the main reason for the trance vibrator but...Damn the Japanese gaming industry is on to something!

Now my only problem is...when do I get to play again?!?!

How to get your girl to love video games. Wow. And you wonder why I love smart guys.

Side note-there are even ways to mod your Xbox controller with an actual vibrator! Only a nerd like me would have done the research to find out how it's actually done though... ;)

Out of the mouths of babes...

2009-03-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

Some of you have never had the opportunity at a personal encounter with Lex Luthor but I can tell you you'll never be able to categorize her within 'kids will be kids' in your mental file. Not that she's not a kid or that she's perfect (if you think your kid is perfect-you're deluded and need therapy) but she's ... unique.
And, yes, I could be biased but...what 9 year olds do you know that pass up watching cartoons in the morning to watch NWCN? Or canvassed to get Obama elected? Or names her hamster after the country it originates from (even though she can barely say it) and not Fluffy?

A excerpt from a recent conversation with one of my friends went like this:

Sara: So...tell me what you do after you wake up in the morning?

Lex: I get up, call my mom, sometimes I sleep a little bit longer, change my clothes, brush my hair and teeth, feed my hamster, get my cereal and turn on the TV. Then I eat my cereal, hold Syria (the hamster), play my Nintendo and watch the news (her multitasking methods came from me).

Me: Yeah, she opts to watch the news instead of the morning cartoons. She loves NWCN (Northwest Cable News).

She, then, proceeded to tell us about the upcoming weather, the names of the newscasters on NWCN with alarming accuracy, that the Sounders first game was last night and a few other random tidbits of info I didn't know.

Sure...she may only have learned recently about the life cycle of a butterfly in her 4th grade class but ask her about the tax stimulus bill-you might be surprised what she can tell you.
But other than being a bit 'different' than the other tween girls in her school, she's freakin' funny too.

Things you may not know:

-She has lovingly adopted one of my girlfriends as one of her 'peeps' and throws gang signs out to her (made up gang signs that mean 'i love you', mind you) saying "Protect and Preserve Seattle Washington-where you from?".
-Plays video games fiercely (little boys her age might have a hard time competing with her skills at Sonic Rush).
-Nixed the idea of 'dance' as an extra curricular activity and PWNS karate instead.
-Sincerely misses my friends if she hasn't seen them in a long while (even asks to make them cards for holidays that are long past and she missed seeing them on that particular holiday).
-Asked for a Seahawks jersey on her last birthday instead of whatever girls these days want (now THAT'S dedication to a struggling team).
-Has spent the past 5 summers helping my dad on his farm in Nebraska (even learned how to drive a tractor last summer) and probably knows more about cows, tractors, irrigation and agriculture in general than you or I. She's already asking when she'll be leaving this year (the weekend school's out honey!!! I'm counting the days.) ;)
-Named all of my dad's baby calves and was upset when he had to sell them (RIP Max). She even named a blind one 'Lucky' (she has a sick sense of humor like me).
-Wants to be the female lead singer in the band Nickelback (I'm hoping that she'll be able to make them a better band).
-Hates Hannah Montana and the Green Bay Packers with a passion (that I'm not sure where it stems from).
-She acts like she's too cool to accept gifts or compliments (but will talk about it FOREVER afterwards).

I also realized last night that Lex knows about S.E.X. (yes, she spells it). Well...somewhat. It hasn't really materialized as a question to me yet but we chatted last night about what SHE thought it was.
She told Sara and I that 'making out' was 2 people kissing for a long time. Ok, that's pretty accurate.
She said that 2 of her classmates got married at recess last year and then 'did it' in the big tire. Hmmm...ok, we needed an explanation. Supposedly they went into the tire and took their clothes off after a makeshift 'ceremony' using some sort of book as the Bible.
But, no, I don't think she knows the complete details of how S.E.X. works.
What I was pretty proud of, though, is that she comes from a 1 parent family, knowing full well that I wasn't married to her dad, and still assumes that the 'right' way to do things is to be married first (not that I'm going to try to enforce that but...it was just refreshing).

And after all that, she fell asleep in the car.

Comic Relief

2009-03-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

I ran across this comic archive yesterday called Cyanide and Happiness and, although most of the strips are crude humor about diseases and killing people, I've found a few that are actually pretty funny.

This one in particular: It hit a bit close to home...maybe I should change my tactics. *thinking*

In any case...this sounds pretty normal to me...and a pretty good description of my dating life. (this is the point where you feel sorry for me) :(

Thanks Pedro!

2009-03-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

Wow...you get 3 posts in one day! My blog-readers are so lucky. ;)

I've been meaning to do this for a long time and keep forgetting. I just wanted to recognize a guy in the shop who goes above and beyond his job by making sure that I'm happy.

Haha...I know what you're thinking...and it's NOT that.

For about 2 months now he's been bringing me food and drinks regularly. It's always some random new drink or some awesome Mexican food (authentic tamales...yum). Today it was Rockstar Pomegranate (and, if you know me well enough, you'll know I heart Rockstar)....yesterday was some random Chinese tea (it was good).

Anyway, it's the least I can do. Thanks Pedro!!!!

Mmmm.....

Sex and Fairies - the Disney way

2009-03-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

We're going to talk about one of my favorite things here: sex. Surprise, surprise, right?

Well...what is surprising to me is how Disney has gotten away with selling sex to kids for so long. I'll specifically talk about provocative characters in a current Disney cartoon that I watch. Wait...I can't say that I actually watch it-I've noticed it on the TV early Saturday mornings while I'm cursed with some reason to be awake at that point.

What I did notice though was the scantily-clad fairies that make up the cast of this cartoon. I'm talking about the Winx Club. Enter Bloom, Flora, Layla, Musa, Stella and Tecna.

I don't get the names and I don't care but I have to admit I did quite a bit of research on them specifically for this blog (time that I will never get back). What I want to point out, other than the fact that they are most obviously teenage fairies, is that this cartoon is supposed to be geared towards 4-14 year old girls. Hmmm...ok-a fairy cartoon...awww...cute.

Scratch the 'cute' thing. Hot, Sexy, Lithe, Victoria Secret Catalog and Maxim-cover worthy, Vixens.

Another day at Disney.

That's gotta be a shock to anyone's ego-aren't they impossibly beautiful and skinny? Yeah, it's Barbie...only more seductive.

Hey....is that ink stain giving me bedroom eyes?

Do you know what's more disturbing than the fact that these are the role models of our young girls? THEY HAVE BOYFRIENDS!!! And, yes, this irks me to no end because their guys are unbelievably, Abercrombie and Fitch, Dr. McDreamy STEAMY! And me, being human...doesn't have one. Psh...

Meet Sky. And Brandon.

Now that I feel like crap about Disney, my love life, my self image, my wardrobe and my job (come on-you know being a fairy has got to be awesome)...I'll just go cry...to my girlfriends.

Notice any convenient hand-placements in this pic? Yeah, me neither. ;)

Ok, I'm done with this post....sorry for making you suffer. It'll probably happen again though. Sorry. :(

Girl Power!

2009-03-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I had drinks with 4 of my close girlfriends-we talked about jobs/the economy, recycling, travel/vacation ideas, boys/dating, friends, family and houses/living situations all in the matter of about 2 hours
Now that we're all up to speed on each others lives again, I have to say this: WE NEED MORE GIRL-TIME! I guess I didn't realize how much I truly missed them (it's been a few months since we've all had time in our busy lives to schedule something).

Let me say before I go on...I love having boy-time too (it's one of my favorite things) but, sometimes I need to see my girlfriends to 'ground' me. They make me realize that I'm not alone in this. By 'this', I mean this dating thing, this LIFE thing. These girls are other people of similar demeanor and gender as me that are going through the same stuff as I do on a daily basis such as: bad hair days, PMS days, feeling like crap about boys days, needing to be catty days and days that I just feel like crying for any reason. Try doing that with your guy friends or boyfriends. It usually doesn't fly that well. This is the reason for girlfriends.

I also realized this weekend that guys envy us. Not because we tend to smell better or have the opportunity to dance and not look stupid but because of our relationships with other girls.
No, I'm not making this up-someone of the male persuasion actually told me this. :) Think about it-girls can talk. They can open up to each other and let our guard down amongst other girls even if we look weak. It's a sign of being sure of our surroundings and knowing full well that we are understood even if we don't make any sense. We're able to talk about things in more depth than this:

Boy #1: 'Hey dude.'
Boy #2: 'S'up.'
Boy #1: 'What's happening?'
Boy #2: 'You know, the usual...work, girl problems, stayed up all night playing Left4Dead.'
Boy #1: 'Yeah, I hear you.'
Boy #2: 'Word.'
Boy #1: 'Beer me.'
Boy #2: 'No problem.'
...add a few grunts and the sound of a bottle being opened and I'm sure you get the gist of it. :)

So, to this I say-you go girl!

PS-Recognize the cartoon above? Maybe you don't but I do and I specifically picked it as a lead-in to my next blog: How Disney is currently eliciting sex through cartoon fairies.

St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

So here we are...celebrating another religious holiday under the guise of a day where frat boys and borderline alcoholics can test their limits at drinking massive amounts of Irish whiskey.

St. Patrick's Day (per Wikipedia), is a national holiday in Ireland where they celebrate St. Patrick, a patron saint of Ireland.

Bet you didn't know my blog was going to be so educational, huh?

The US celebrates the day because, in recent history (only since 1970), it has meant crowding into nearby Irish pubs to guzzle Guinness and scorge corned beef and cabbage...and still go to work half-toast the next morning.

Have you ever noticed how we Americans make every holiday into a reason to be thrashed?
Christmas-eggnog. Check
New Year's Eve-champagne. Check
This year's Presidential inauguration-excessive amounts of beer in celebration. Check
Valentine's Day-2 bottles wine (to keep from remembering I'm single). Check
St. Patty's Day-anything with an alcohol content and green food dye. (bring on the cough syrup!) Double Check
Easter-shots of wine. (and tiny pieces of bread to go with) Check

I could go on and on...Don't even get me started on the 4th of July!

Well, I started out the day with an Irish coffee but I'm sure I'll be ending it in the corner of the Blarney Stone Pub just 2 Irish car bombs short of a coma.

Hope yours goes just as well. Happy St. Patty's Day! Here's to you...

Run Forest Run

2009-03-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

I've been toying with the idea lately of learning how to run. Before you chide me, I'll explain that I actually do know the basics of running (you know...how it works...I've seen it in action).

I used to run in middle school and high school (in track, of course). I remember running my senior year around this big triangle shaped field almost every day after school-it was probably only 1.5 miles though (maybe 2) but I don't know how I lost it. The drive, that is. The initiative. The need to just...go.

I'll also include that I hate working out. No, it's not that I can't or don't do it-I just hate it. I hate gyms, I hate communal water spickets, I hate people who don't clean off their machines when their sweaty asses are done, I hate membership fees, I hate elliptical machines, I hate being confined.
I used to love to run...and I was good at it (or so I remember).

I digress, I want to start running. I found a great website recently that might help me - coolrunning.com. I'm not trying for a marathon-I just know I can't handle the wretched smell of any more gyms and I've been feeling a bit lazy. I've got to fix that little problem and soon.

I guess as soon as the weather clears, it'll be easier to go hike but...I think this will help the 'in the meantime' thing I'm having trouble with. Plus!!! I'll still get to be outside!

After I get into it a bit...it's a free for all! Join me! But, I'm not sure when or if I'll ever be able to run around Greenlake. But...here's to hoping!

Lex

2009-03-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

I realized recently that I never really introduced you all to the most important person in my life whom I have fondly referred to as Lex Luthor (because sometimes she's evil). But seriously, she's a-freakin-dorable. I guess that's a given though, as she's purely mine. ;)

Excuse the camera phone pic and large glasses (on our way to see Coraline 3D):

I know many of my readers (ok...all 4 of you) don't have kids but, when you do I promise you these 3 things:

1. Everything is funnier.
2. Everything is more annoying.
3. You will always know that someone loves you. (even if you ground them from their Nintendo DS for a week)

If you have a girl, add these:

1. Hormones are a bitch.
2. You will never hear her shut up. (mine even talks in her sleep)
3. She will always, always cuddle/hug/kiss you and tell you that you're beautiful. (return the compliment)

If you have a girl who's also a tomboy:

1. You'll never have to buy Barbies. (but invest in soap)
2. Sarcasm isn't lost on her.
3. No glitter...enough said.

Although you may still have to deal with Troy (from HSM) and the Jonas Brothers. ;)

Paraskevidekatriaphobics

2009-03-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

- are people afflicted with a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th. It is probably the most widespread superstition in America.

You thought it was just a bunch of random letters, huh?

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 both have scary reputations dating back to ancient times. What is truly amazing is that 2009 has 3 Friday the 13th's!!

Some arbitrary facts about Friday and 13:

Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden on a Friday.

Noah's flood started on a Friday.

In pagan Rome, Friday was execution day.

It is also noted that twelve witches plus one devil are present at Satanic ceremonies so Friday and 13 make a deadly combination.

Twelve gods were invited to a banquet at Valhalla. Loki, the Evil One, god of mischief, had been left off the guest list but crashed the party, bringing the total number of attendees to 13. True to character, Loki raised hell by inciting Hod, the blind god of winter, to attack Balder the Good, who was a favorite of the gods. Hod took a spear of mistletoe offered by Loki and obediently hurled it at Balder, killing him instantly. (The complete nerd in me recognizes many words in this fable as names in a Marvel comic book or XBox game...random thoughts...)

Hindus in the East believed that it is always unlucky for 13 people to gather in one place. (especially dinner parties)

The Bible tells us there were exactly 13 present at the Last Supper. One of the dinner guests betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion.

Christ was crucified on a Friday.

It's amazing how much religion I found was tied to this day...crazy.

To help you get through the day here are a few things that may offset the bad luck:

* Spilling wine while proposing a toast
* Looking at the new moon over your right shoulder
* Finding 9 peas in a pea pod
* Picking up a pencil in the street
* Finding a ladybug on you
* Carrying an acorn with you will bring good luck
* Finding and keeping a four leaf clover will bring you tremendous good luck
* Dolphins swimming near a ship
* A spider spinning in the morning

I assume that if you are anywhere near where you would see a dolphin swimming near a ship, you're already having good luck (presumably, you're somewhere much more exotic than the Pacific NW).

Happy Friday (the 13th)!!

Sex Chips

2009-03-11T10:06:00.001-07:00

No, this is not some new kind of freaky new food-it's a freaky new kind of way to be sexually stimulated. Which, by the way, could be the one scientific invention I keep my eye on (can anyone say 'research study participant'?).

"Scientists in the UK are working on methods to stimulate the brain, specifically in the orbitofrontal cortex, the part of the brain that feels pleasure from eating and sex. According to The Telegraph, implantation of a chip into that area of the brain is expected to result in increased sexual pleasure. Previous studies in one woman with very low sex drive becoming one with a very active sexual appetite.
Using this chip technology, deep brain stimulation may be used to revive or enhance areas of the brain that are lacking. It works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain. This is already done for Parkinson's disease, and it would appear now that researchers are looking to do the same for pleasure enhancement. Even better, scientists believe it may be able to work on an electric switch to be used as needed."

Full story here.

Not that I need any help...but that would be TMI, right? ;)

Hey! Watch it!

2009-03-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

I've been having a hard time lately finding topics to blog about which means 1 of 2 things:
My life is extremely lame.
or
I've been content lately.

But...yesterday I did almost get run off the road so I'll tell you about a few of my pet peeves (lucky you). :P

First things first-I will never say that I'm a 'good' driver. I love to drive, I love to drive fast but I try to abide by most of the traffic laws....mostly. Yesterday I was driving on I5 at about 60 mph (the speed limit) and following this lady who was having a hard time staying in her lane. I assumed she was texting or on the phone or something.
Well, she eventually merged into the right lane and I ended up beside her. She, then, proceeded to NOT drive in her own lane and swerved (yes, swerved) towards me quickly at one point. I swerved the other way so she wouldn't hit me and you know that feeling when you try to correct yourself and over-correct therefore seeming to lose control of your car? Well, it was pretty scary as I was trying to restore control of my car (realizing that she wasn't even on the phone or texting but just talking to her passenger), trying to be aware of the other cars behind and to the other side of me and cursing at her loudly. She knew what had happened too (she threw up her left arm in a semi-shrug). It's not even like this lady was really young or too old (although she was prob about 10 years older than me). Here's your chance guys...(in unison) WOMEN CAN'T DRIVE!
I'll refer to my statement above-I don't drive well but I can mostly stay in my lane and not kill other motorists.
I was really shaken up after this-I took the first ramp I saw and parked in a lot waiting to stop shaking. I was also PISSED!
I called Victoria and vented then walked around Target a bit while my homicidal rage wore off (only slightly kidding at this point). I made it home fine with my car in one piece.
Anyway, another one of my pet peeves are people who DON'T drive the speed limits. I work on Woodinville-Redmond Rd and the speed limit is 45 mph...people rarely go 45 mph. I get so irritated at this when I'm following someone going 25 and running late for work (not that I don't make my own schedule really but...I also like to leave as early as possible).

Other traffic related pet peeves:

People who don't use their blinkers.
People who still have McCain stickers on their cars.
People who don't turn right on red when it's open.
People who don't watch the lights at all!
People who can't merge for the life of them.
People who drive with their blinkers on.
People who have their speakers too loud that you can hear them through closed windows.

Ok...I could go on for hours...I should stop now.

Twilight

2009-03-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

I fought it...for a long time...but I read the book 'Twilight'. I know, I know...I caved. Sadly it only took me about 2 days to read...yeah, I actually enjoyed it. But also, since I have a sick aversion as of late to guys who like mind games, I realized that the lead female character was very much getting mind-fucked. Albeit she was only 17 so let me say this-at 17 you generally don't know what you're doing! For example, at 17 I met my daughter's father. Enough said. Ok, I'm kidding. I thought I was in love with him until I was 21-thought I couldn't breathe if he didn't give me affirmation that he was with me (which, most times, only included coming home at night). After a while of not being in the relationship or meeting someone who actually treated me decently, I realized that I deserve more. Another example-I didn't have my first orgasm til I was probably about 24 years old because I found someone who cared about what I needed and wanted. Small things matter.

Back from my tangent after that moment of TMI...Bella (the name of the lead female character in the book and the same name as a very cool dog I know) falls in love with a vampire (Edward) just 2 days after hanging out with him. Hmmm...now I know I've said this to people before but-really? Maybe I'm not the one to be judging because it takes a lot for me to fall for someone (maybe I just haven't met the right vampire lately).

The story goes on with its plot but the general idea I got was that Bella didn't care about her own life after meeting Edward and was only concerned about the safety and well-being of her vampire boyfriend (who, btw, would be very hard to actually harm). She also decides at some point that she 'can't live without him' and both would take their own lives if something happened to the other. He also has A LOT of control over her, watches her from the shadows constantly and even while she sleeps. He confuses the hell out of her by saying things like 'you shouldn't love me, I'm dangerous' then automatically switching to 'you are my life now. you are exactly my brand of heroin'. Wow. All I can say is - would you really want your daughters thinking that this is acceptable?

But-I did like the book enough and plan on seeing the movie but not because of the hype around it. Because I love a good vampire flick and the idea of 'good vampires' intrigues me.

An excerpt that genuinely portrays some of what annoyed me:

"And for all that," he continued, "I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here--with no witnesses and nothing to stop me--I were to hurt you."

I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"

"Isabella." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold . . . to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses . . . it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

My head was spinning at the rapid change in direction our conversation had taken. From the cheerful topic of my impending demise, we were suddenly declaring ourselves. He waited, and even though I looked down to study our hands between us, I knew his golden eyes were on me.

"You already know how I feel, of course," I finally said, "I'm here . . . which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb . . ." he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.

"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.

"What a sick masochistic lion."

--Twilight, Chapter 13, "Confessions", pages 273-274

To sum up-it is NEVER ok to let someone control so much of your life that you would forget your own personal well-being. Of course, parenting is excluded-obviously I would do anything and everything to make sure my daughter was safe, even at the risk of losing myself.

Let's get one thing straight though-I don't actually believe in vampires and, unless you can really prove the existence of such, I'll go along thinking that they are fictional characters of books and great movies.

I've started reading the second book in the series now, I'll let you know if it's any less absurd.

Ian McFeron CD Release

2009-03-05T07:18:00.001-08:00

My friend, Ian, and his band (The Ian McFeron Band) are releasing a new CD this month!

The release party will be at the Tractor Tavern in Ballard on March 21, 2009. Tickets are 10$ (they always sell out for CD releases so please get your tickets @ Ticketweb or at Sonic Boom Records).

In case you were wondering what type of music they play-my friend Sara gave the best description:

Genre - most generally described as Roots Rock/Americana, with a little blues, a little jazz, and a little folk and a little alt-country. The Seattle P-I compares Ian's voice to that of Bob Dylan and Ryan Adams.

More info:

http://www.ianmcferon.com/index.php

www.myspace.com/ianmcferonband

My letter to the Senator

2009-03-04T06:51:00.001-08:00

Recently I wrote to our Senator because I felt compelled to speak my mind about the tax stimulus bill that Obama passed. First things first, I heart Obama. I agree with almost everything he's done and plans to do. I do believe that he's already changed things for the better and will continue to do so. I also know he's spent some money but if you try to understand economics at all, it mostly makes sense.

I digress...I emailed Senator Cantwell because I wanted to vent...mostly. I don't agree with the changes in the welfare part of the stimulus package. For me, it's completely personal. For years now, I've made too much money as a single parent to qualify for Earned Income Credit, the additional tax credit or any state-funded programs for that matter. The difference between me and what seems like the majority of single parents is that I actually revel in the fact that I don't get help! I rose above the 'single mother' excuse and made a way to assure that I could provide for my child. Yes, just one child. My problem with the welfare situation (as is the problem for many people) is that it enables too many people to keep having kids they can't afford.
The tax stimulus bill adjusts these credits so that low-income households get more money back at tax time plus makes additions to the welfare programs adjusting for more food stamps. I guess my personal issue is 'what's in it for me'? Yeah, I can be petty for a minute-I've earned it. And if you're thinking 'what about the Making Work Pay credit'? You know, the one that will allow you to receive an additional 400.00 per year back in your paycheck? Here's what H&R Block has to say about that one:
"Because reduced withholding could result in a balance due on your tax return, it appears that you would, in effect, be required to pay back any excess benefit that you received during the year."
Oh...so, that doesn't exactly help me either. Figures.
So, what we have here is me-working as a single mother and supporting the likes of Nadya Suleman. Don't get me started on her...Ugh, I'm already irritated.

Anyway-here's the generic response I got from the Senator-although, I'm glad I received a response and at least it explains the reasons for the bill.

Dear Ms. Focken,
Thank you for contacting me regarding the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (H.R. 1). I appreciate hearing from you on this important issue.

I understand that American families are struggling as the economic situation continues to deteriorate. These are extraordinarily challenging times. Bold action is needed to restore confidence in our country's economy and financial markets, and to get people back to work. The recovery bill that passed the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate is designed to provide immediate help for those struggling to weather the crisis, and to begin the long-term process of rebuilding our economy and creating needed jobs. It's a plan to provide hope and opportunity for all hardworking Americans.

As a member of the U.S. Senate Finance Committee, I continue to pursue policies that promote growth in the economy and increase standards of living for Washingtonians. We do that though turning our economy in a new direction. And we transform our economy by investing in clean energy and creating high-paying jobs in the United States to support those new industries. Our country can reduce its dependence on foreign oil, and protect American consumers from a repeat of the dramatic spike in oil prices that devastated your budgets in 2007 and 2008, if we make these investments now.

I supported the bill that passed the U.S. Congress on February 13, 2009, in part because it put a down payment on our economic transition to a clean energy future and will create tens of thousands of green jobs. The bill provides $11 billion investment in smart grid technology and infrastructure based on language I authored in the 2007 Energy bill. This money will create 73,500 jobs nationwide to make the use of our energy more efficient. This bill also extends tax credits for investments in wind and solar energy by 3 years, doubles Clean Renewable Energy Bonds (CREBs) to finance facilities that generate electricity from wind, geothermal, hydropower and other renewable energy sources, and provides a $2,500 tax credit for consumers who purchase plug-in electric vehicles.

In addition to creating a new green economy, this bill also strengthens our focus on education, health care, and infrastructure, and provides the necessary resources in these areas to ensure a strong future for our children. In Washington state alone, this bill will create or save an estimated 75,000 jobs over the next two years. In addition, more than 2.45 million workers and their families will benefit from the "Making Work Pay" tax cut of up to $1,000 per couple, and for many workers who have lost their jobs, the plan allows an additional $100 per month and an additional 33 weeks of unemployment benefits. For small businesses, the bill provides increased access to credit. The bill also will increase private capital in order to continue plans for affordable housing developments across our state.

Other important elements in the Senate-passed legislation include: an extension of existing Trade Adjustment Assistance (TAA) programs, giving extended income support and training benefits for workers who lose their jobs because of increased imports or factory shifts to certain countries; an additional $2.06 billion in Medicaid relief for Washington families; a new American Opportunity Tax Credit that will make college more affordable for 67,000 families; and an expansion of the Earned Income Tax and Child Tax Credits for low-income working families.

Rebuilding our economy is an ongoing process, and is not something that can be fixed overnight. It is important that as we work to craft effective economic recovery legislation we strike an appropriate balance among our nation's priorities. Please be assured that I will keep your ideas in mind as the Senate moves forward in addressing these critical issues.

Thank you so much for contacting me to share your thoughts on this matter. Finally, I would like to keep you informed of what is happening in D.C. Every Monday, I provide a brief outline about my work in the Senate and issues of importance to Washington state. If you are interested in getting this update, please visit my website at http://cantwell.senate.gov. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,
Maria Cantwell
United States Senator

My main problem was that I wouldn't really be seeing the benefits of the bill because I don't really fit the categories. The fact that this letter didn't cater to me, as a single working mother who didn't qualify for any of the 'benefits' (as I explained in my letter to her) kind of irked me. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Also some important sites you should use to help you understand:
Recovery.gov - learn where your tax dollars are going!
American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 - Key Provisions

Hamster warranties

2009-03-03T13:51:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago I purchased our first 'real' pet. Well, I can't say that is true-we had fish several years ago until Lex fed them...bread.

Just in case you didn't know-fish don't eat bread. It's all good, I hated maintaining the fish tank anyway.

Back to my point-hamster warranties. Did you know that when you buy a small critter from Petco they give you a 15 day warranty? Yep. How morbid is that?

Me (at the checkout counter to Lex): I think we have all we need.

Checker: Ok, thank you Ms. Focker.

Me: Focken.

Checker: Oh, sorry. And here's your receipt and warranty.

Me: Warranty?

Checker: Yes, you have a 15 day warranty in case you have any issues.

Me: Like death? (audible gasp from Lex...of course)

Checker: Yes, if anything happens, just bring your receipt back.

Me: Wow...hamster warranties...crazy. So, I have 2 weeks to screw this up. Great.

In case you wondered-she has outlived her 'warranty' and is doing well (the hamster, not Lex).
But...for some reason, the hamster hates me. Kinda wish I would've been able to take advantage of the warranty... Ok, I'm kidding. ...somewhat.

Cement shoes

2009-03-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking about the ones that mob bosses use on unfortunate people who don't pay their debts. I'm talking about the pair I now wear at work.

In the past week or so we've done layoffs that included my boss and a coworker that was an integral part of the shipping department. And just today, my coworker and friend, gave her notice after being offered a job she couldn't turn down. Being only 1 of 2 people (of 4 a week ago) in our department now, I've now taken on some major responsibilities.

Let me say this first-I love my job. I really like the company, we have a great product and last but not least, the economy sucks!

Starting tomorrow I not only do my accounting functions here that include accounts payable but start training to be the purchasing agent. No, not just purchasing office supplies...that's lame! Purchasing does everything from lumber to sauna heaters to company vehicles to wine cabinets to nuts and bolts.

I'm excited at the new opportunities! But...I'll still be doing my main accounting duties too. It's still a little nerve-wracking though and I'll miss my friend. :(

How weird is it that a week ago I was worried about losing my job and now...I'm pretty firmly rooted in the same company?

Watchmen

2009-03-02T14:18:00.001-08:00

I can't wait to see this movie!! Call me a dork or a nerd or whatever, I've accepted it.

But mostly, I'm intrigued by the use of the Walmart logo on the poster.

The logistics of a bene-friendship

2009-03-02T07:05:00.000-08:00

Yeah, you read that right. Let's delve into the realm of this somewhat tricky situation a bit...

I was having a conversation with a guy this weekend and he wondered why it would be impossible to have a FWB situation with a girl who was an ex or who cared about him.
Well, here's what we came up with:

You CAN be bene-friends with an ex...IF the breakup was mutual, IF it has been a period of time since the breakup, IF the duration of the relationship was short and/or IF you are both on the same page about the relationship as it stands now.
And I know what you're thinking-just like a girl, changing her mind. My defense-give me an educated reason as to why I should and I'll be willing to see the other side.
Plus, I think I came to realize that I was suppressing the reality that I have or have had a FWB situation with an ex (while I wasn't in a 'relationship') that actually worked out well for both parties involved. Sometimes it's nice to just have that person that knows you (more than just intimately), knows what you like and who, you know, will not pressure you for more.

But, I stand by my opinion that you CANNOT be bene-friends with an ex that still has feelings for you or just a friend that cares too much about you.
The guy I was talking to was confused as to why because he thought 'why not? you'd both be reaping the benefits of such.' I explained to him in hypothetical terms...
Say there is this girl that really likes you and wants to cross that friendship line with you. You, on the other hand, are NOT into her in that way. To sleep with her would just be using her. She would, of course, be game for this just as a reason to get close to you...maybe hoping that by having sex with her would convince you that you were missing out on something and you'd change your mind. In reality, you were using her as a means to an end.
This goes for girls too-I'm not being prejudice here.

So the important lesson here people is...be clear. Be VERY clear as to what you want and don't want of your friends of differing genders.

If you like them but don't want to be 'with' them, make sure you are both on the same page. Sometimes friendships get muddy if both people have feelings-wouldn't it just be easier to talk about it? Clear the air and hook up for God's sake!

If you want more from that person, you also owe them the chance to reject you, therefore changing the relationship, by telling them. This would constitute an honest friendship.

If you are confused about your feelings-don't go with the option that could possibly hurt the other person in the end. Telling someone that wants more than a friendship from you that you MIGHT have more feelings for them when, in case you actually don't, will only lead them to believe that there is a chance, when there may not be.

In the case that you have more feelings for someone on the friendship level-figure it out!!! Decide which relationship from them is most important to you and go with that one.

And, yes, it is possible to just have a nice friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I have a couple guy friends who are pretty great-that I don't sleep with. And...in some ways, I appreciate it more because things are uncomplicated. And I love uncomplicated. :)