And on the off-chance that my dad unknowingly comes across this page in his search for new tractors or irrigation parts - I know I don't tell you enough but I love you and respect the man that you are. :)
6.21.2009
Happy Father's Day!
While I know my dad doesn't actually read my blog (mostly because he thinks I'm a proper Midwest girl who happens to live in Seattle and reading this might actually give him a heart attack coupled with the fact that he just recently learned how to turn on a computer)-I'd still like to wish all the father's out there who do read a Happy Father's Day.
And on the off-chance that my dad unknowingly comes across this page in his search for new tractors or irrigation parts - I know I don't tell you enough but I love you and respect the man that you are. :)
And on the off-chance that my dad unknowingly comes across this page in his search for new tractors or irrigation parts - I know I don't tell you enough but I love you and respect the man that you are. :)
6.20.2009
Meet the Nation - Seattle Freeze
Make sure you check out my staff interview over at Morphine Nation. Basically, it's my introduction to the fans of MN (even though we all know I've been writing over there for weeks now)!
Enjoy!
Happily Ever After?
I ran across a photography project that I found fairly interesting and maybe mostly because I'm a girl but partly because I'm a girl with some seriously jaded tendencies. The project by Dina Goldstein is about princesses. No, not the real-life ones that owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to boutiques in Paris...but the fairy tale kind.
It seems, contrary to popular belief, that fairy tales don't end at '...and then they lived happily ever after.' Of course that's not real life! The problem is that kids think (because that's what the books we read them say) that as soon as the princess finds a prince charming-they ride off into the sunset and done. The End.
But...what really happens:
Snow White and her Prince Charming take some queues from the rabbits that helped her clean the dwarves house and fuck like it's going out of style. Their 'castle' is soon filled with a bunch of spoiled brats that have a sense of entitlement that would make Paris Hilton jealous.
Jasmine and Aladdin find themselves unhappily amid the war over oil. GWB makes sure that the beautiful castles in the sand are blown to bits in his search for WMD. Jasmine trains in only the best terrorist training camps and learns the correct way to wire a suicide bomb...but damn...she still looks good doing it.
Cinderella soon finds herself the 'trophy' wife of a very powerful prince...a prince, whose duties to his 'kingdom' keep him on the road for months at a time. Since her servants now do all the tedious jobs she used to, she finds herself only finding solace at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. She comtemplates a life of her past with a twist...sex slavery isn't so bad, is it?
Over the years Belle has discovered fine lines and graying roots...in her quest to keep the title 'Beauty' and also the beasts attention she spends most of her time under the knife. The Beast wants a house filled with hairy little feet but Belle, already discontent with her appearance, is unwilling to go through the pregnancy for fear of stretch marks. The Beast then finds a mistress on the side...rumors are that Ariel stops by to service his emotional and sexual needs on her way to visit her father, King Triton.
Aurora never ages a day as this Sleeping Beauty's prince soon finds out. Unable to keep her awake due to her addiction to prescription sleeping pills, he dutifully keeps his 'happily ever after' promise to her by not straying. Of course, 50 years later, he's moved into an old folks home because they were never able to have children (without the fear it would be considered rape because she wasn't ever conscious) and his nephew ended up taking over the throne.
In her hour of need, Rapunzel's prince left her for a woman with a short pixie cut (that bitch Tinkerbell, of course). Diagnosed early in their marriage with lymphoma, she now drives herself to her own chemo treatments and spends days at a time hooked up to IV's. Her only reprieve is the hope that soon they will pass a law in her country allowing assisted suicide.
Red Riding Hood was part of a class action lawsuit against McDonald's for 'making her fat'. She won over 250,000.00 and proceeded to spend it buying burgers under the pseudonym, Ms. Wolfe. Her saving grace is that she started a cause called PAP (People Against PETA) emphasizing that the organization's beliefs are extremist and is lobbying with officials to be able to use wolf meat in the nations fast food restaurants.
My point is that the story never really ends...there's always a detour, maybe a glimmer of light but mostly just real life. And we all know that real life doesn't always end at happily ever after.
The End...for now.
It seems, contrary to popular belief, that fairy tales don't end at '...and then they lived happily ever after.' Of course that's not real life! The problem is that kids think (because that's what the books we read them say) that as soon as the princess finds a prince charming-they ride off into the sunset and done. The End.
But...what really happens:
Snow White and her Prince Charming take some queues from the rabbits that helped her clean the dwarves house and fuck like it's going out of style. Their 'castle' is soon filled with a bunch of spoiled brats that have a sense of entitlement that would make Paris Hilton jealous.
Jasmine and Aladdin find themselves unhappily amid the war over oil. GWB makes sure that the beautiful castles in the sand are blown to bits in his search for WMD. Jasmine trains in only the best terrorist training camps and learns the correct way to wire a suicide bomb...but damn...she still looks good doing it.
Cinderella soon finds herself the 'trophy' wife of a very powerful prince...a prince, whose duties to his 'kingdom' keep him on the road for months at a time. Since her servants now do all the tedious jobs she used to, she finds herself only finding solace at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. She comtemplates a life of her past with a twist...sex slavery isn't so bad, is it?
Over the years Belle has discovered fine lines and graying roots...in her quest to keep the title 'Beauty' and also the beasts attention she spends most of her time under the knife. The Beast wants a house filled with hairy little feet but Belle, already discontent with her appearance, is unwilling to go through the pregnancy for fear of stretch marks. The Beast then finds a mistress on the side...rumors are that Ariel stops by to service his emotional and sexual needs on her way to visit her father, King Triton.
Aurora never ages a day as this Sleeping Beauty's prince soon finds out. Unable to keep her awake due to her addiction to prescription sleeping pills, he dutifully keeps his 'happily ever after' promise to her by not straying. Of course, 50 years later, he's moved into an old folks home because they were never able to have children (without the fear it would be considered rape because she wasn't ever conscious) and his nephew ended up taking over the throne.
In her hour of need, Rapunzel's prince left her for a woman with a short pixie cut (that bitch Tinkerbell, of course). Diagnosed early in their marriage with lymphoma, she now drives herself to her own chemo treatments and spends days at a time hooked up to IV's. Her only reprieve is the hope that soon they will pass a law in her country allowing assisted suicide.
Red Riding Hood was part of a class action lawsuit against McDonald's for 'making her fat'. She won over 250,000.00 and proceeded to spend it buying burgers under the pseudonym, Ms. Wolfe. Her saving grace is that she started a cause called PAP (People Against PETA) emphasizing that the organization's beliefs are extremist and is lobbying with officials to be able to use wolf meat in the nations fast food restaurants.
My point is that the story never really ends...there's always a detour, maybe a glimmer of light but mostly just real life. And we all know that real life doesn't always end at happily ever after.
The End...for now.
6.17.2009
Air Sex Championship?!? I WIN!
You're thinking, "this is a joke, right?" No and fortunately for you-it might be cumming to a city near you!
Air sex is not unlike it's counterpart, air guitar, only...more seductive and no colored buttons or strings. It's a 'theatrical sexual performance with an imaginary partner.' It was invented by, none other than a group of lonely, oversexed Japanese men.
Yes, you can chalk this one up to the somewhat odd trends created by our friends in the East but...you have to admit, this one has some entertainment value, at least.
I think we all can say that we've done this before...alone. But, can you do it on a stage...with props...in front of a large group of people...and possibly win more than just the obvious prize? The good news for the shy ones among us? You get to be fully clothed (if you want to)! Although this particular theatrical 'sport' isn't for the faint of heart, it should prove to be a lot of...information.
While most of the competitions on the East Coast are already over, this weekend the West Coast will get a piece of the action!
Now what we have to decide is: Stupid? or Erotically genius?
Source.
Source2.
Air sex is not unlike it's counterpart, air guitar, only...more seductive and no colored buttons or strings. It's a 'theatrical sexual performance with an imaginary partner.' It was invented by, none other than a group of lonely, oversexed Japanese men.
Yes, you can chalk this one up to the somewhat odd trends created by our friends in the East but...you have to admit, this one has some entertainment value, at least.
I think we all can say that we've done this before...alone. But, can you do it on a stage...with props...in front of a large group of people...and possibly win more than just the obvious prize? The good news for the shy ones among us? You get to be fully clothed (if you want to)! Although this particular theatrical 'sport' isn't for the faint of heart, it should prove to be a lot of...information.
While most of the competitions on the East Coast are already over, this weekend the West Coast will get a piece of the action!
Now what we have to decide is: Stupid? or Erotically genius?
Source.
Source2.
6.16.2009
The Ladder Theory - fails?
Maybe you've heard of the Ladder Theory, maybe you haven't.
The Ladder Theory is a 'scientific' explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. But...that's not necessarily correct either because the author of the theory doesn't stray from one single fact: how men and women can never be 'just friends' if the man is attracted to the woman because he'll always want to have sex with her.
He starts off with the basic rating systems that men and women do when they first meet someone: women having a fairly large percentage based on the guy's money/power status and men focusing mostly on looks.
The basic description of the theory is this:
A guy meets a girl and 'sizes her up' based on the above criteria and places her on his 'ladder'. He meets another girl...same thing and places her on the ladder also. The placings are based on his attraction to her and how much he'd like to 'hit it'. It's to be noted that all guys want to fuck all girls they are even slightly attracted to given the circumstances. The only difference lies in whether or not they'd admit to such after the fact (usually alcohol/drugs are a factor here).
Women's placings are similar except that they have 2 ladders. One ladder is her 'friends' ladder. This ladder is exclusively for guys she meets/knows that she'd NEVER sleep with. The higher on the friends ladder though, the more intimate you'll be able to be with said girl WITHOUT sex. The 'real' ladder is the one that matters (at least, to guys). It's the ladder in which she uses the pie chart (above) to rate the guys she'd like to fuck. The higher the placement on the real ladder, the more she'd be willing to let him take her at any given moment. The point is that it's every guy's wish to make it to the real ladder of a girl he's attracted to.
The problem arises when a guy is placed on the friends ladder (usually unknowingly) and tries to make the jump to the real ladder. The theory states that the woman can either let him onto the real ladder or kick him off both (theory has it that being let onto the real ladder has never really happened and, I assume, only happens in sappy romantic comedies such as 'Made of Honor').
The ladder-jumper usually falls into the 'abyss'...no guy wants to fall into the abyss with a girl he'd actively like to fuck.
Note that there are hidden variables in the theory such as religiosity, drunkenness, loyalty, desperation and sanity. Supposedly, they don't affect the rating systems, just the fundamentals of how we act in regard to the theory, itself. IE: religious people will still want to have sex with the other party but will deny said act.
I set out on a mission to debunk this theory written by what I (still) think is a guy who's probably been at the bottom of the women's friends ladder on many occasions. I read and reread the theory until I had it set in my mind that the author was probably drunk or stoned and probably a mutant basement-dweller that hates women. He makes a reference in the theory to 'female bitch'...which we all know is a derogatory term used against females and gay guys.
The fact that he specifically notes that ALL women give priority to guys that have fat wallets over the guys that are their 'cuddle-bitches' was enough to make me throw up. I mean, who the fuck does this guy think he is? Oh yeah...a guy living in his mom's basement.
His breakdown of the women's pie chart is absurd, right? I mean, don't normal guys have the same wants? Don't they want a woman who, at least, can take care of herself (meaning...have a job)? He assumes that all women are the same even stating in his theory that women will say "Well, I'm not the average woman because...blah...blah...not true...blah blah...my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor...blah...blah" but still be lying (even to themselves) about this fact.
I was all set to go out and date as many basement-dwelling mutants as possible until I read the theory yet again and then...set out to interview my male 'friends'.
I talked to 4 of my guy friends knowing full well that at least 2 of them would fail me. I didn't realize though that ALL of them would...
The 2 that failed were simple-"Yes, Seattle, I would like to fuck you, I thought you'd never ask-can we do this now?"
Another one gave me this-"You are NOT the one girl who is attractive that I WOULDN'T like to have sex with. There is one girl (a girl I've met btw) who's LIKE a sister to me that, given the chance, would NEVER happen because we've known each other too long and I don't think of her that way."
And the one guy who I thought would never let me down (at least with this debunking) had this to say-"We're both adults...you want to hump every once in a while and I have a hot tub." Wait...what?
But, he also helped me understand some basic points: "...just because someone finds the other person attractive, doesn't mean they CAN'T be friends. They might want more out of the relationship on some level, but just because of that, it doesn't always hinder them from being good friends. Here's my point-just because a guy wants to have sex with a woman, doesn't mean he can't separate that from his friendship or lack of friendship with her. That's why a guy can be friends with a girl he wants to have sex with." Needless to say, this made me feel better.
And...leads me to believe that I could possibly have a few more 'friends with benefits' that I never knew about. ;) (More info on bene-friends in a later post).
What I'm saying is that I can probably prove that the author of the Ladder Theory is probably an egotistical nightmare to be around and totally wrong on some very important levels of what attracts women to men but his theory is generally sound.
Care to try?
The Ladder Theory is a 'scientific' explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. But...that's not necessarily correct either because the author of the theory doesn't stray from one single fact: how men and women can never be 'just friends' if the man is attracted to the woman because he'll always want to have sex with her.
He starts off with the basic rating systems that men and women do when they first meet someone: women having a fairly large percentage based on the guy's money/power status and men focusing mostly on looks.
The basic description of the theory is this:
A guy meets a girl and 'sizes her up' based on the above criteria and places her on his 'ladder'. He meets another girl...same thing and places her on the ladder also. The placings are based on his attraction to her and how much he'd like to 'hit it'. It's to be noted that all guys want to fuck all girls they are even slightly attracted to given the circumstances. The only difference lies in whether or not they'd admit to such after the fact (usually alcohol/drugs are a factor here).
Women's placings are similar except that they have 2 ladders. One ladder is her 'friends' ladder. This ladder is exclusively for guys she meets/knows that she'd NEVER sleep with. The higher on the friends ladder though, the more intimate you'll be able to be with said girl WITHOUT sex. The 'real' ladder is the one that matters (at least, to guys). It's the ladder in which she uses the pie chart (above) to rate the guys she'd like to fuck. The higher the placement on the real ladder, the more she'd be willing to let him take her at any given moment. The point is that it's every guy's wish to make it to the real ladder of a girl he's attracted to.
The problem arises when a guy is placed on the friends ladder (usually unknowingly) and tries to make the jump to the real ladder. The theory states that the woman can either let him onto the real ladder or kick him off both (theory has it that being let onto the real ladder has never really happened and, I assume, only happens in sappy romantic comedies such as 'Made of Honor').
The ladder-jumper usually falls into the 'abyss'...no guy wants to fall into the abyss with a girl he'd actively like to fuck.
Note that there are hidden variables in the theory such as religiosity, drunkenness, loyalty, desperation and sanity. Supposedly, they don't affect the rating systems, just the fundamentals of how we act in regard to the theory, itself. IE: religious people will still want to have sex with the other party but will deny said act.
I set out on a mission to debunk this theory written by what I (still) think is a guy who's probably been at the bottom of the women's friends ladder on many occasions. I read and reread the theory until I had it set in my mind that the author was probably drunk or stoned and probably a mutant basement-dweller that hates women. He makes a reference in the theory to 'female bitch'...which we all know is a derogatory term used against females and gay guys.
The fact that he specifically notes that ALL women give priority to guys that have fat wallets over the guys that are their 'cuddle-bitches' was enough to make me throw up. I mean, who the fuck does this guy think he is? Oh yeah...a guy living in his mom's basement.
His breakdown of the women's pie chart is absurd, right? I mean, don't normal guys have the same wants? Don't they want a woman who, at least, can take care of herself (meaning...have a job)? He assumes that all women are the same even stating in his theory that women will say "Well, I'm not the average woman because...blah...blah...not true...blah blah...my boyfriend/lover/husband/masseuse was poor...blah...blah" but still be lying (even to themselves) about this fact.
I was all set to go out and date as many basement-dwelling mutants as possible until I read the theory yet again and then...set out to interview my male 'friends'.
I talked to 4 of my guy friends knowing full well that at least 2 of them would fail me. I didn't realize though that ALL of them would...
The 2 that failed were simple-"Yes, Seattle, I would like to fuck you, I thought you'd never ask-can we do this now?"
Another one gave me this-"You are NOT the one girl who is attractive that I WOULDN'T like to have sex with. There is one girl (a girl I've met btw) who's LIKE a sister to me that, given the chance, would NEVER happen because we've known each other too long and I don't think of her that way."
And the one guy who I thought would never let me down (at least with this debunking) had this to say-"We're both adults...you want to hump every once in a while and I have a hot tub." Wait...what?
But, he also helped me understand some basic points: "...just because someone finds the other person attractive, doesn't mean they CAN'T be friends. They might want more out of the relationship on some level, but just because of that, it doesn't always hinder them from being good friends. Here's my point-just because a guy wants to have sex with a woman, doesn't mean he can't separate that from his friendship or lack of friendship with her. That's why a guy can be friends with a girl he wants to have sex with." Needless to say, this made me feel better.
And...leads me to believe that I could possibly have a few more 'friends with benefits' that I never knew about. ;) (More info on bene-friends in a later post).
What I'm saying is that I can probably prove that the author of the Ladder Theory is probably an egotistical nightmare to be around and totally wrong on some very important levels of what attracts women to men but his theory is generally sound.
Care to try?
6.12.2009
PETA stinks up the fish market.
If you've ever been to Seattle, you know that there are a few places that are a 'must visit' before you leave: the Space Needle (duh.), the Fremont Troll (maybe just a personal favorite), various wine and beer tastings at the regions many wineries and breweries (we love our alcohol), Ride the Ducks (land to sea tour) and lastly, Pike Place Market.
Pike Place is basically a huge farmer's market that's open year round and houses small restaurants, comic book shops, one of the few remaining head shops in Seattle, fresh produce/flower stands, a palm reader, the best donut hole stand in the world (personal favorite) and the very first Starbucks...along with about 450 other vendors.
Pike Place is also very well known for its fish mongerers and fish 'tossing'. Yep, you heard it right. There's even a book about it!!!
When you buy fresh fish at certain stands in the market, they'll make a show of it, toss it around to each other and, eventually, TO YOU! It's fairly entertaining to watch actually.
To clarify though, the fish are dead so you're being tossed a dead fish that you intend to take home and eat. Got it?
Well...recently PETA has decided to focus on this petty activity by asking the American Veterinary Medical Association (that has a demonstration scheduled in Seattle's convention center next month) to show compassion and not use the fish throwers as their opening 'act' as a team-building experience for the convention. They stated that, "We think it sends a terrible message to the public when veterinarians call it fun to toss around the corpses of animals."
The letter also included a statement that "people who care about animals are appalled fish would be treated as toys."
Justin Hall, of the Pike Place Market had this to say about the fish toss: "workers there respect fish because it's their livelihood and they take pride in having the best seafood." SO BACK THE HELL OFF!
Here's the deal PETA...in case you hadn't noticed - THE FISH ARE FUCKING DEAD! Personally, being a resident here, I'm pretty pissed off that this is even an issue being that just a few months ago there were hundreds of puppies seized from puppy mills in the area and ... WHERE WERE YOU THEN?!? Almost 600 'designer dogs' were either taken to shelters (that were already overcrowded) or euthanized. That's not to mention the fact that because the dogs were part of ongoing investigation, they weren't even adoptable for months because they were considered 'evidence'.
Someone seriously needs to sit down with these people and help them figure out their fucking priorities.
Dead fish = not a priority.
Malnourished, abused puppies = a HUGE FUCKING PRIORITY.
Source.
Source2.
Pike Place is basically a huge farmer's market that's open year round and houses small restaurants, comic book shops, one of the few remaining head shops in Seattle, fresh produce/flower stands, a palm reader, the best donut hole stand in the world (personal favorite) and the very first Starbucks...along with about 450 other vendors.
Pike Place is also very well known for its fish mongerers and fish 'tossing'. Yep, you heard it right. There's even a book about it!!!
When you buy fresh fish at certain stands in the market, they'll make a show of it, toss it around to each other and, eventually, TO YOU! It's fairly entertaining to watch actually.
To clarify though, the fish are dead so you're being tossed a dead fish that you intend to take home and eat. Got it?
Well...recently PETA has decided to focus on this petty activity by asking the American Veterinary Medical Association (that has a demonstration scheduled in Seattle's convention center next month) to show compassion and not use the fish throwers as their opening 'act' as a team-building experience for the convention. They stated that, "We think it sends a terrible message to the public when veterinarians call it fun to toss around the corpses of animals."
The letter also included a statement that "people who care about animals are appalled fish would be treated as toys."
Justin Hall, of the Pike Place Market had this to say about the fish toss: "workers there respect fish because it's their livelihood and they take pride in having the best seafood." SO BACK THE HELL OFF!
Here's the deal PETA...in case you hadn't noticed - THE FISH ARE FUCKING DEAD! Personally, being a resident here, I'm pretty pissed off that this is even an issue being that just a few months ago there were hundreds of puppies seized from puppy mills in the area and ... WHERE WERE YOU THEN?!? Almost 600 'designer dogs' were either taken to shelters (that were already overcrowded) or euthanized. That's not to mention the fact that because the dogs were part of ongoing investigation, they weren't even adoptable for months because they were considered 'evidence'.
Someone seriously needs to sit down with these people and help them figure out their fucking priorities.
Dead fish = not a priority.
Malnourished, abused puppies = a HUGE FUCKING PRIORITY.
Source.
Source2.
6.10.2009
My Media Player, Vol IX
I'm late! Eeek!
Wow...that came out wrong...
Not my cycle, you crazies...I'm speaking of the Media Player. Wow...my followers suck. :P
Because I've been a slacker-whore lately, today's (late) Media Player is brought to you by my followers. Which, could be a happy reprieve for those of you who hate my music.
Mad Caddies - Keep It Going
Website.
This band leans heavily reggae so I know I have a few friends that would find it, at least, interesting. I played it for 2 days straight! Ok, that's because the volume was off but...I promise the actual sound is great too.
Radiohead - In Rainbows.
Website.
Who doesn't like Radiohead? I've been told this album is the best one yet...although they do have a newer one... Although, a 'Best of' album is always gonna win.
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead - The Century of Self
Website.
I don't love this band. I'm not even sure I like this band. It's here because it was either list this band or owe 'special favors' to a girl. I made the right choice.
There is a lot of pounding on what I can only imagine is a very sad-looking guitar. Poor guitar...
Wow...that came out wrong...
Not my cycle, you crazies...I'm speaking of the Media Player. Wow...my followers suck. :P
Because I've been a slacker-whore lately, today's (late) Media Player is brought to you by my followers. Which, could be a happy reprieve for those of you who hate my music.
Mad Caddies - Keep It Going
Website.
This band leans heavily reggae so I know I have a few friends that would find it, at least, interesting. I played it for 2 days straight! Ok, that's because the volume was off but...I promise the actual sound is great too.
Radiohead - In Rainbows.
Website.
Who doesn't like Radiohead? I've been told this album is the best one yet...although they do have a newer one... Although, a 'Best of' album is always gonna win.
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead - The Century of Self
Website.
I don't love this band. I'm not even sure I like this band. It's here because it was either list this band or owe 'special favors' to a girl. I made the right choice.
There is a lot of pounding on what I can only imagine is a very sad-looking guitar. Poor guitar...
Movie Review - Blindness
I've been pretty busy lately so here's a movie review done by one of my 'followers'. It's about the movie Blindness that came out last year. Reason for the late review? My protege recently watched it and it struck a nerve. Read more to find out more (Seattle Freeze comments in parenthesis):
Thanks Liverfire! Now put that stupid vampire book down and watch some more lame-ass movies to review for me! PS-we are now blacklisting Julianne Moore so keep it in mind when doing so.
Note to Julianne-*whisper* Find new manager! ASAP!
Synopsis, in case you couldn't read the whole review:
A random guy is sitting in his car blocking some people therefore, annoying other drivers (I hate it when random guys sit in cars). Someone goes up to the car to see what his problem is only to find that he’s blind and (apparently) this has left him unable to think or do anything anymore (interject sarcasm in previous sentence). Another guy says he will drive the poor dumb guy home. What a good Samaritan (well, fuck it...just assume the whole review is sarcastic)... He takes him home and the blind guy explains that it is like looking through milk so his view is white instead of black. So the good Samaritan leaves the poor confused bastard and takes his car. Blind guy doesn’t seem to notice (cuz blind guy is...also a moron? or does he just want to turn it into insurance and get a better car? ...that a blind guy could use...yes? yes?).To wrap up...Hollywood sometimes makes bad choices. As does Julianne Moore in choosing movie roles. The sad part...this movie won a few stupid awards...don't worry, they are nothing we've actually heard about and granted, it could have been up against some other equally stupid movies like Twilight, so can you say 'shoe in?'...I'm just sayin'...
Patient Zero’s (previously referred to as 'blind guy') wife takes him to an ophthalmologist. The doctor doesn’t know what the hell is going on...surprise, surprise. Then as you can imagine...more characters in the movie start going blind (delish! wonder what happens!? *sitting excitedly*). They soon figure out that maybe it’s an infection, like zombies, and decide to quarantine them. The actress, Julianne Moore, (god...I love her!) who plays the eye doctor's wife, decides to pretend to be blind to stay with him in quarantine (she hasn't been affected yet). So they get tossed (not unlike how I'm tossing chunks right now) in this hospital and have to figure out how to live without help from the outside. All they get from the outside is a bit of food (and smokes?).
More and more people get crowded in and they have to choose which ward they want to live in. BTW...after a while the place literally looks like shit. They have no clue how to survive, they can’t find the bathroom so people just shit and piss in the hall they are dirty, the one good thing about the movie was they actually looked gross and smelly (hmmm...I'm sorry, did you say 'good thing'?).
Anyway, while they are trying to figure out how to live, the wards become little countries with their leaders and of course, you have to have the evil ward that’s all men. Men are always the evil bastards...why is that exactly? (personally, evil women are much more threatening). Oh, and remember the good Samaritan and Patient Zero? Well Zero finally remembered his car was stolen, they recognized each others voices in the 'wards'. Zero was pissed about the car and the good Samaritan was pissed about catching the 'blindness' from Zero. So a scuffle ensued and the good Samaritan got his leg cut (I cut you, you thief, I cut you!). They tried to get the guards to give them medical supplies but the guards shot at them (yeah, that seems like the general response to a request for help). The guy later died dramatically (a good dramatic death scene is always key in these lame attempts at movies).
At some point the blind people were getting too close to the fence when new ones were being herded in and one of them wasn’t staying in line because they are just supposed to know where they’re going magically. (Magically! hahah Wait! This isn't Hogwart's!) The guards proceed to shoot them and several get killed (guards=love to shoot blind people).
We’re finally coming towards the end oh so slowly (too slowly if you ask me and I haven't even seen the movie) when their food begins to run low. They are trying to figure out how to ration when the evil ward, which has a gun now (by some magical, otherworldly means), decides to keep it and will ration it themselves.
Imagine idiot blind guy shooting, it’s quite funny (the most entertaining part?). Now we’re getting really dumb here, the evil ward wants “stuff” in exchange for food. What the hell do blind people locked in a hospital do with stuff exactly? (You know...stuff). Jewelry and other pointless crap? Then guess what?! They run out of crap to trade (previously referred to as 'stuff'), so what do they want now? A room full of horny gross blind guys? You guessed it! They want women. (To do 'stuff' with?) They are so hungry and stupid that some women decide to do it. Meanwhile, in one scene, Julianne Moore (eye doctor's wife) keeps eying a pair of sharp scissors. So they go to the evil blind guys and does Julianne Moore do anything to stop this? (because sex sells movies...duh). No, of course not why wouldn’t she want to go down on a extremely disgusting horrible little blind man (take back previous comment about loving Julianne Moore)? So they go through with the satisfying of the horny blind guys and one girl dies in the process (Wait...let me stop you here. I've never heard of death by blow job...not true). Then Julianne decides to do something about it and sneaks over there when another group of girls is doing their thing (ie...blow jobs?). She finally does something right (she swallowed?), then it’s war. A war between blind people! How hysterical!
Anyway, Julianne’s ward think they can finally overtake the one gun and the rest and gather a posse. Hehe, but someone else goes before them and sets the evil wards’ beds on fire. They all somehow get out of the hospital and find that no guards are there to stop them. BTW, she does finally tell her ward that she can see. So they go out in to the world in search of food (twinkies?).
And then the movie looks like “Dawn of the Dead” with people roaming around aimlessly and tripping over themselves with cars wrecked everywhere and the city looking totally trashed. Julianne and her husband leave their group to go find food. They find a supermarket and she goes in and finds the key to the storeroom and finds a crap load of food (is that the same as shit ton?). She loads up and heads back through the store. The crazed zombies/blind people smell the food and attack. But her blind husband saves her! Yay! Darn! So Julianne and the doctor invite their little band of freaks to live with them at their house and they get cleaned up and blah blah blah (the best part of the movie? blah, blah, blah?). One day Zero is sitting there and all of a sudden he can see! Yay! (insert unforeseen circumstances here). Maybe the rest will too now, magically (abracadabra! fuck...I think I just made a sequel). The last scene shows Julianne staring out at the city and looking up at the sky. It looks white and for a second thinks she’s going blind-she looks back down and oh, guess not… That was the end. (when? oh when can I have the last 8 minutes back???)
(Now the serious part. *giggle* Behave you stupid twits!) At first I thought, wow the people who made the movie really think the world would fall apart if everyone went blind. I find it hard to believe that could happen. But… maybe it would be the end. I guess it happened so fast that they couldn’t prepare people to survive. Julianne was actually feeding the doctor at one point-he gets frustrated and complains that she feeds, clothes and wipes his ass (Julianne Moore does this as a side job too). I found it amazing that he needed so much help. I mean haven’t you ever dressed in the dark? Plus since when do you need to actually look at your ass to wipe it? The people just behaved so stupidly in this movie that I found it irritating. Maybe if they hadn’t focused so much in the hospital and showed what was going on with the rest of the world it would have been better? (No). Maybe not. (Yes).
I guess if you think about it, our society depends on sight quite a bit. You have to see to drive, run a power plant, run a tractor to plow a field, walk in an unfamiliar place, shoot someone, fly a plane……(you don't need to see to shoot someone...just to shoot the person you intend to harm). It would put everyone on an even playing field too, you can’t really bomb someone if you can’t see them. I would feel sorry for the world if that happened, to a point. If you don’t have good enough instincts and common sense to survive then that’s your problem (and you're an idiot). I would be fine as I have a guide dog…(tis true...and he's a-fucking-dorable!) BTW I know plenty of blind people that can feed themselves, with forks even, (and sporks?), dress themselves and wipe their asses just fine.
Thanks Liverfire! Now put that stupid vampire book down and watch some more lame-ass movies to review for me! PS-we are now blacklisting Julianne Moore so keep it in mind when doing so.
Note to Julianne-*whisper* Find new manager! ASAP!
Synopsis, in case you couldn't read the whole review:
The dirt on Dubai.
When you think of Dubai, you think stunning skyscrapers, rich textiles, beautiful desert flora, flourishing economy, architectural innovation, a tax-free heaven and even majestic sandy beaches, right?
Well, why not? Magnificent buildings line the streets rising higher to the sky than any others in the world. Novel man-made residential islands sprout off the beaches adding to the idea that advancements in this part of the world hyper exceed that of even the most popular tourist traps. Included in the construction are a metro system and airport that will surpass even the largest in the world.
Certainly not a country in the world can argue that Dubai literally exploded in the past 20 years from a desert to a city made of gold and fortune.
Dubai’s emanating wealth is that of the surprising financial genius of the Sheikh Mohammed, the ruler of Dubai. With his ingenuity and capital from the oil boom, he offered a city of leisure and financial services, tax-free. They came by the millions causing a construction frenzy to keep four steps ahead of the world in modernism and splendor.
As of the moment, there are more construction workers in Dubai than actual citizens…how so, you ask?
Slave labor.
How did you think it was done? A stringent application process with a vengeful HR lady calling your references? Drug testing and probationary periods?
It’s not the term that is used, of course, in the ever prosperous state but facts are facts, right? The politically correct term (at least in affluent Dubai circles) would be the ‘foreign underclass’.
Remember that this isn’t a government with democratic law like ours. Or even a family-power that has the people’s welfare in their best interest…unless, of course, those people are spending hundreds and thousands of their earnings in Dubai’s vast malls, attractions, hotels and boutiques.
Hundreds of thousands of men who left their families in other countries came to Dubai with the promise of an earning potential that would keep their families at home off the streets only to find hell and entrapment.
Passports are taken from these men by the companies that hire them, only to be returned when the ‘fees’ for their travel to Dubai are paid off, which takes years because of the payout they receive. The payout? …is usually about less than a quarter of what was offered when they were safe at home in their own countries.
They live in squander: triple-decker bunk beds, no air conditioning, toilets that are nothing more than holes in the corner of the room of their concrete cells and that’s not even mentioning the ‘work’ they do!
Since the world’s economy has taken a turn for the worse, the electricity has been turned off in the camps they call ‘home’ and the workers haven’t been paid in months. Construction companies have disappeared along with the hope that they will ever be able to go home. How can you when you have nothing? Not even a passport. The only reprieve that these men seek now is sweet death. Suicides are common in the camps and construction sites but, according to human rights groups are widely accepted as ‘accidents’ among the construction community in Dubai.
They come to Dubai on the promise of wealth but are treated worse than a rancher here would treat his cattle. My question-how does this happen? How do we let this happen? Not as the U.S. but as human-kind? Is there really no regard for the life of another?
And...what can you do?
Source.
Source 2.
Well, why not? Magnificent buildings line the streets rising higher to the sky than any others in the world. Novel man-made residential islands sprout off the beaches adding to the idea that advancements in this part of the world hyper exceed that of even the most popular tourist traps. Included in the construction are a metro system and airport that will surpass even the largest in the world.
Certainly not a country in the world can argue that Dubai literally exploded in the past 20 years from a desert to a city made of gold and fortune.
Dubai’s emanating wealth is that of the surprising financial genius of the Sheikh Mohammed, the ruler of Dubai. With his ingenuity and capital from the oil boom, he offered a city of leisure and financial services, tax-free. They came by the millions causing a construction frenzy to keep four steps ahead of the world in modernism and splendor.
As of the moment, there are more construction workers in Dubai than actual citizens…how so, you ask?
Slave labor.
How did you think it was done? A stringent application process with a vengeful HR lady calling your references? Drug testing and probationary periods?
It’s not the term that is used, of course, in the ever prosperous state but facts are facts, right? The politically correct term (at least in affluent Dubai circles) would be the ‘foreign underclass’.
Remember that this isn’t a government with democratic law like ours. Or even a family-power that has the people’s welfare in their best interest…unless, of course, those people are spending hundreds and thousands of their earnings in Dubai’s vast malls, attractions, hotels and boutiques.
Hundreds of thousands of men who left their families in other countries came to Dubai with the promise of an earning potential that would keep their families at home off the streets only to find hell and entrapment.
Passports are taken from these men by the companies that hire them, only to be returned when the ‘fees’ for their travel to Dubai are paid off, which takes years because of the payout they receive. The payout? …is usually about less than a quarter of what was offered when they were safe at home in their own countries.
They live in squander: triple-decker bunk beds, no air conditioning, toilets that are nothing more than holes in the corner of the room of their concrete cells and that’s not even mentioning the ‘work’ they do!
Since the world’s economy has taken a turn for the worse, the electricity has been turned off in the camps they call ‘home’ and the workers haven’t been paid in months. Construction companies have disappeared along with the hope that they will ever be able to go home. How can you when you have nothing? Not even a passport. The only reprieve that these men seek now is sweet death. Suicides are common in the camps and construction sites but, according to human rights groups are widely accepted as ‘accidents’ among the construction community in Dubai.
They come to Dubai on the promise of wealth but are treated worse than a rancher here would treat his cattle. My question-how does this happen? How do we let this happen? Not as the U.S. but as human-kind? Is there really no regard for the life of another?
And...what can you do?
Source.
Source 2.
6.03.2009
My Media Player Vol IX
It's hump day all! And you know what that means, right?!? Uh...no, we're not all getting laid...sheesh! Get your mind out of the gutter...
It's the day you all get to be graced with my music post! Ok, so some of you may argue that the word 'music' should be used loosely when I'm picking the bands but (again), it's my blog!
I'll make you a deal...email/msg/comment me a band and I'll post in on an upcoming Media player! No, I'm not getting lazy...just tired of everyone giving their 'opinion' that my musical taste lacks...well...taste. :P
The Submarines - Honeysuckle Weeks
Website.
One of my friends told me to listen to the song '1940' quite a while go and I really liked them. Funny thing is I was shuffling through post-its on my desk the other day and ran across the name again so here you are! He especially enjoyed the first line of 1940: 'Somethings wrong when you regret things that haven't happened yet'...so f-ing true!
Cinder Road - Superhuman
Website.
Same post-it. Makes me think I should either clean my desk more at work...
I Hate Kate - Embrace the Curse
Myspace.
Ditto on the post-it. Also I'd like you to know that I've now retired the post it...there was a whole retirement party and shit for it-if you missed it, you were lucky. And...yes, I've had too much coffee today. :P
It's the day you all get to be graced with my music post! Ok, so some of you may argue that the word 'music' should be used loosely when I'm picking the bands but (again), it's my blog!
I'll make you a deal...email/msg/comment me a band and I'll post in on an upcoming Media player! No, I'm not getting lazy...just tired of everyone giving their 'opinion' that my musical taste lacks...well...taste. :P
The Submarines - Honeysuckle Weeks
Website.
One of my friends told me to listen to the song '1940' quite a while go and I really liked them. Funny thing is I was shuffling through post-its on my desk the other day and ran across the name again so here you are! He especially enjoyed the first line of 1940: 'Somethings wrong when you regret things that haven't happened yet'...so f-ing true!
Cinder Road - Superhuman
Website.
Same post-it. Makes me think I should either clean my desk more at work...
I Hate Kate - Embrace the Curse
Myspace.
Ditto on the post-it. Also I'd like you to know that I've now retired the post it...there was a whole retirement party and shit for it-if you missed it, you were lucky. And...yes, I've had too much coffee today. :P
6.02.2009
And baby makes 6!
As of last night there's another new addition to my family! No, not my IMMEDIATE family silly! Seriously...was I pregnant anytime recently? (watch your answers here slackers!)
For those of you that are slow-learners...it wasn't me. My oldest brother and his wife welcomed their 4th child into the world last night.
Welcome to the world Julianna Lois! So sorry that you'll be living in Montana though-don't you worry, I'll start sending you out-of-state college apps in about 15 years. ;)
Wow...there's a plethora of girls in the Focken clan! 5 to 3 = good odds!
For those of you that are slow-learners...it wasn't me. My oldest brother and his wife welcomed their 4th child into the world last night.
Welcome to the world Julianna Lois! So sorry that you'll be living in Montana though-don't you worry, I'll start sending you out-of-state college apps in about 15 years. ;)
Wow...there's a plethora of girls in the Focken clan! 5 to 3 = good odds!
1 vs. 100 - XBox style!
Ok say what you will about XBox or XBox Live but I'll be the first to admit that MS doesn't fuck up everything...just their operating systems, traffic in the good old town of Redmond, WA, thousands of people's lives from losing their jobs and, of course, the social lives of anyone still working there.
I will say though...they may have done something right with the designing of the 1 vs. 100 XBox Live Arcade game that was released to the American public in BETA form last night.
The game is based on the popular game show of the same name and works like this: One player is chosen at random to be "The One," and 100 more are selected for The MOB ("Mass of Bodies"). Everyone else is in the 'audience' but can still play along with the game.
Ok so, yeah, a lot of people were pissed that they set the cap at 50,000 people and remember IT'S STILL FUCKING BETA! There will be issues and I have no doubt that my good friend over at MS testing the game will be working late nights (unfortunately) blasting bugs so that YOU can experience the game in all it's glory.
Side note: the cap for participants will be removed for this Saturday's game...
It should count as something that people weren't ABLE to log on-the game obviously has enough hype to grasp interest. And who's going to complain that there's a possibility of winning tangible prizes!
So...unhook the IV, go get some sun this week and I'll see you on Saturday!
Personal note: the game test lead is a fuckin' uber pimp...not to mention hot & very smart...but the line forms behind me ladies. ;)
I will say though...they may have done something right with the designing of the 1 vs. 100 XBox Live Arcade game that was released to the American public in BETA form last night.
The game is based on the popular game show of the same name and works like this: One player is chosen at random to be "The One," and 100 more are selected for The MOB ("Mass of Bodies"). Everyone else is in the 'audience' but can still play along with the game.
Ok so, yeah, a lot of people were pissed that they set the cap at 50,000 people and remember IT'S STILL FUCKING BETA! There will be issues and I have no doubt that my good friend over at MS testing the game will be working late nights (unfortunately) blasting bugs so that YOU can experience the game in all it's glory.
Side note: the cap for participants will be removed for this Saturday's game...
It should count as something that people weren't ABLE to log on-the game obviously has enough hype to grasp interest. And who's going to complain that there's a possibility of winning tangible prizes!
So...unhook the IV, go get some sun this week and I'll see you on Saturday!
Personal note: the game test lead is a fuckin' uber pimp...not to mention hot & very smart...but the line forms behind me ladies. ;)
6.01.2009
Morphine ...and then some
Who woulda thunk someone would read my blog?? Well, someone other than the 5 people I pay (checks are in the mail, I promise). ;)
Well, I must've been doing something right because it caught the attention of a bigger blog! I've been asked to be a staff writer for Morphine Nation. There's been a link to them on My Reading Material for a while now-it's good reading if you like that sort of thing. I'm guessing if you're still here-YOU DO! ;)
My writers profile (in the staff section) should show up by tomorrow and I plan on posting something asap! You're probably thinking 'great...now she can slack off even MORE at work!' Don't you worry about me-I'm a pro at multi-tasking...as well as other things. ;)
Make sure you read both my blogs though as they will probably be different content...but still the same SF-style. :)
This is an exciting opportunity for me and I hope you all will check it out.
I'll be posting on MN as Seattle Freeze also...Anyway, if you didn't catch the link above, here it is again: http://www.morphinenation.com/
PS-MN is also a blog of randomness, politically incorrectness and a plethora of generally fucked topics...not unlike this blog but maybe with a little more male influence. Enjoy!
Well, I must've been doing something right because it caught the attention of a bigger blog! I've been asked to be a staff writer for Morphine Nation. There's been a link to them on My Reading Material for a while now-it's good reading if you like that sort of thing. I'm guessing if you're still here-YOU DO! ;)
My writers profile (in the staff section) should show up by tomorrow and I plan on posting something asap! You're probably thinking 'great...now she can slack off even MORE at work!' Don't you worry about me-I'm a pro at multi-tasking...as well as other things. ;)
Make sure you read both my blogs though as they will probably be different content...but still the same SF-style. :)
This is an exciting opportunity for me and I hope you all will check it out.
I'll be posting on MN as Seattle Freeze also...Anyway, if you didn't catch the link above, here it is again: http://www.morphinenation.com/
PS-MN is also a blog of randomness, politically incorrectness and a plethora of generally fucked topics...not unlike this blog but maybe with a little more male influence. Enjoy!
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