Today I realized that I'm a whore...

...and not the kind that gets paid for her 'services' either.

But what makes me feel better is that YOU are too! I ran across a study recently (a study actually released in 2007) that notes the average number of sexual partners a man has is 7 and the average number for women is 4.

4!?!

You can imagine my surprise when I realized that my number is actually more than 4 x's that amount! And I don't live in New York where the median number is still only 9!

The moment of truth: I've had a few one night stands-one of which I had twice! I met a guy at a bar (ugh), went home with him and never called him. Four months later at the same bar we replayed the first night over again with me, knowing full well, that he didn't recognize me.

I slept with a guy who was a virgin and only remembered his name last winter when my sister and I were talking about old friends...he was her friend and she doesn't know I had sex with him. I was only 19 though and he was only my 2nd partner (I didn't start having sex til I was out of high school, at least).

I'm really not sure how it would go over if I told her-I assume it would be fine since she's married now with multiple kids and they were only friends anyway but...for now, I'll just keep this info to myself.

I've had many 'relationships' (be it a friend with benefits situation or actual boyfriend). And by many, I mean...MANY. Dating is a part of life-with every relationship you're supposed to learn something about yourself or about people. I've realized recently that these relationships have helped me gain an understanding about men that people, like my youngest sister-who will soon marry the only person she's ever been with-will never be able to comprehend.

While I envy the fact that she was able to find and marry the 'one' the first time out, I also wonder if I'd wonder 'what if'?

What if I missed out on opportunities sexually?

What if there is someone else out there that is just that much more 'in tune' with me?

What if my vision of 'romance' can be topped?

With all that said, I know for sure that I haven't missed out-which makes me understand that I could be ready for a stable relationship if one should catch my eye.'

But I digress...

I do have a list but not because I need to remember their names but because notches on my bedpost (of which actually has been the same since I started having sex) seemed a big callous. Although, I'll also admit that I have a 'name' or two on the list that include 'guy from fall 2007', 'bar guy' and, until recently, 'the virgin'.

I guess I take solace in the fact that "women with higher numbers tend to be more educated, have more liberal views and higher self-esteem."

But doesn't that sound just about opposite of what we've always been led to believe? If you sleep with too many people, don't you devalue sex in a way? Isn't sex supposed to be special?

Yes, yes it is! But sometimes, just sometimes...it's a means to an end. Please don't patronize me by saying 'I never just have sex because I'm horny. It's always special and loving and sensitive' because I know you're not being honest.

Once in a while, it's just sex. I'm not saying it should be unfeeling, just that sometimes-it's filling a need for the moment.

I'm also not saying that 'just sex' is the way you should always have sex. Everyone knows that the best sex is with someone you truly have feelings for...if you haven't, you are missing out-I PROMISE!

I know for a fact that I have a higher than normal sex drive-it's even been an 'issue' in a few relationships.

Yes, it is possible for a woman to want more sex than a guy can provide. I have a friend whom I think might be just as exuberant as me but maybe she's not as willing to be as daring.

The point? Go forward and have sex! Don't let your numbers worry you or lack of numbers keep you from being with the one that makes you happy. It's all relative, right?

Source.

Source2.

Advice!

Someone should limit my alcohol intake...things like this happen more often when I'm not being supervised. What? ...you might ask.

I've created another blog...well, at least this time, I have help.

My friend, Alex, and I have created an advice column-style blog called Degrees of Crazy. Right now we're trolling the net looking for people to submit questions or requests for advice...a general 'peaking of interest', you might say.

Why ask us? Because we have an advice column, duh. And...you'll get a response-no matter what the question-within 48 hours...on the blog. It can be anonymous, just make sure you state as such in your email. Both of us have different areas of expertise and resources available...just remember-ANY QUESTION you want answered, will be. Remember...you must, MUST have a sense of humor-some replies may not be what you expect but will always be honest. :) We will NEVER include email addresses/phone numbers/Facebook pages, etc. So...no worries there. :)

And...everything is confidential if you want it anonymous. You have our word. Scouts honor.

With that said, just click on the link below to go to our blog and email us at degreesofcrazy@gmail.com.

Degrees of Crazy

Oh and ... I'll be writing as 'Eve' on Degrees of Crazy as opposed to Seattle Freeze on the other 2 blogs. :)

PS-We both also write for Morphine Nation! Check it out!

Zero Punctuation game reviews: Overlord 2

Yes...this is funny even for non-gamers. ;)

Comic-Con - Not just for nerds anymore...

Ok, it might still be for nerds but that's only you need to take into consideration their choice of movies/television. If eagerly awaiting the G.I. Joe movie or enjoying a few sparkling vampires here and there is nerdy, I don't want to be cool.

If anything, it's not just for comic book fans anymore as more and more movies are based on comic books and children's toys.

My point is Comic-Con = the epitome of coolness. My sister goes every year and she's...well...she's an orc and has a slight addiction to World of Warcraft and her husband actually owns a light saber and Stormtrooper costume. Ok, bad example but I promise, it's cool!

Let me count the ways that Comicon is cool this year:

G.I. Joe - Remember these toys?!? My brothers had 2 girl G.I. Joes - Lady Jayne and Baroness (Cobra). They let me play but only THESE 2 CHARACTERS. In no way, shape or form would my Barbie dolls suffice as female soldiers or I would be excommunicated from the room.

But, I digress...I cannot, CANNOT wait for this movie...if even just for nostalgia reasons. Plus...I'd totally let Channing Tatum destroy me. ;)
New Moon - Ok so no one reading Morphine Nation is going to think New Moon is cool but ... there are bad parents out there letting their 14 year old daughters post on Reddit so...this is for you girls!

Sparkly jealous vampires and manic depressive shapeshifters vying the attention of a klutzy clueless nobody. Sounds like my kind of movie. Futurama - ZOMG! It's back!!! It's back!!! Ok, so the new episodes won't air til mid-next year but...SQUEEL! It's back!

Check out the Futurama/Simpsons/24 panel at Comic-con! Alice in Wonderland - Yes, you read it right. Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland includes....*drumroll*.... JOHNNY DEPP! That pirate that we all adore puts on a top hat and renews the roll of the Mad Hatter in true Depp style. Toy Story 3 - "Son of a building block! It's Woody!" My favorite Pixar movie of all time was Toy Story, then they made a sequel. And....IT DIDN'T SUCK! It was, quite possibly, BETTER!

Now Pixar has again joined forces with Disney to create Toy Story 3!!! In 3D!!!

To infinity! And beyond! The Vampire Diaries - Another vampire series? Do we really need it? Well, vampires ARE hot right now so I guess...YES! The premiere of VD is in September and I'm fairly certain I'll be glued to the TV that night.

I know I'm not 14 but...I do enjoy a good vampire show. And better yet, THEY DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE! Dollhouse - I've probably only watched an episode or 2 of this show but for those of you who adored Elisha Dushku on Buffy or Angel, you can get your fix Friday nights this fall here.

Oh yeah, I think all those other people are in it too... This isn't to say that any or all of these actors will actually make appearances AT Comic-Con but, chances are you'll have sightings of celebrities that aren't scheduled to show. I have good information that notes 'CRAZIER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED!'

My point? If you like stuff...GO! Have fun!

Bring me pics!

A girls guide to being single...

Now don't get me wrong...I date. I date a few people exclusively. I sleep with only one person though...err...not sleep with one person (yeah, that's it).

How do I do it without the biological clock buzzing it's way through my forehead? I don't...I have internal bleeding and possibly brain damage.

How do I do it though without drugs or meds? How do I remain calm? Practice. Patience. And...the understanding that I'M REALLY OK BEING SINGLE! (drugs are for the weak)...

In talking with a friend yesterday, she was telling me about some other of her friends that just NEED to have a boyfriend-they feel like having a man in their lives completes them in a way.

And while I totally agree with having a steady as a good thing, I don't think that NOT having a boyfriend is a bad thing. There are just as much pressures being in a relationship as there are NOT being in a relationship.

Being single, I have my dad pressuring me to move home to the midwest and looking forward to hooking me up with a dairy farmer with the promise of never having to work again. While the not working bit is tempting, the having 5 kids and living a few hundred miles from a Macy's isn't. A girls gotta have her priorities, right?

I also have the friends' weddings to attend. Singly. Yeah, these are rough. Over the weekend I attended a girlfriend's wedding. It was nice, short and casual (the best type). The scary part-I wanted that. A year ago at my brother's wedding-I didn't (with that said, I don't actually want the 'wedding' part-too much work). The difference? I'm not settling.



It seems that people settle too much for people they don't connect with because they are either A. Afraid of being single or B. Stupid about love.

That being said, even I have dated people for long periods of time knowing the relationship had an expiration date. There's something to be said for 'filling a need' and convenience. My advice though? Don't get sucked in. Don't get in so deep that you lose yourself, your friends or your passions.

Being with right someone should ADD TO your life, not make it more difficult or bring you more stress. Relationships are work, I understand this. But, in no way should they hurt you (physically, emotionally or verbally). This goes for girls too. Believe you me...I know girls are horrible and just as 'at fault' for problems.

Now for a few tips from none other than the Seattle Freeze to help you in 'single-dom':

1. Hang out with your friends/family...ALOT. If you don't, you will be sad. You will be sad all the time. Even if you don't notice it, it will take you over. You WILL need meds to get out of it...and no one wants that. Note: hang out with people who are just as happy with being single as you are. There's no need to make yourself miserable by hearing everyone else complain about NOT having a boyfriend. Keep it clear with family though-YOU ARE IN NO HURRY TO SETTLE. Dads should especially understand this one...

2. Date. Date ALOT. You're thinking 'easier said than done', right? Nope...it's easy. I promise. It's called THE INTERNET. I'm not talking Craigslist...I'm talking actual dating sites. I know you've heard the horror stories, etc. but...personally, I'm on one. I've only had one bad experience. Otherwise, I've learned a lot about what I want, what I don't want and made a few really great friends. But also, if friends hook you up with someone, GO! Just get out. The point is...give it a chance, don't judge based on 3 or 4 bad dates. If you don't want to-stop bitching about being single. Suck it up, make your dog your beneficiary and stay in the basement for all I care...hey-less competition for me.

3. Keep busy. The more you get out, the more you are able to meet people. In meeting these said 'people', the more you get invited to do things (parties, hikes, boating, golf, etc.). The more you get invited to do things, the more people you meet. The more people you meet doing things you like, the better your chances are at meeting someone who likes doing things you like too. Bars don't count. Anyone can go to a bar, meet someone, spend a hot sweaty hour against a dumpster in an alley and think they've met the 'one' because you're the only one who's ever contracted this rare type of STD from him...it MUST be fate.

4. Take care of yourself. Go to the gym! Trust in hygiene...I promise good things will abound (guys-manscaping is a beautiful concept). Personally, I shave my legs EVERY DAY. Helps with the whole 'feeling good about myself thing'.Plus you never know, right? ;) The better care you take of yourself, the more people will notice that you care about things. If you care, it shows. Hell, recycle if that's what it takes. No one is going to judge you harshly for taking care of the planet.

5. Set the biological clock to 'snooze'. Let's talk babies... If you want kids that badly, you'll find a different way than to trap some poor schmuck into a relationship that neither of you will be happy in. With this said, do not, I repeat-DO NOT marry someone just because you are pregnant. It's just not worth it...I promise. You ARE strong enough to do it on your own if he's not 'the one'...again, I promise. I wear a ring every day that says 'all the strength you need is inside you.' DON'T FORGET THIS!

Plus, there are other options...but I'll leave that for another post (a more controversial, I assume, post).

There shouldn't be a time clock on relationships. You want to make sure you are with someone for the right reasons. Those reasons vary depending on the kind of person you are but basically, the right person will compliment you, as in how black clothing compliments most body types.

Do NOT pressure. Period. Guys HATE this. Girls hate this too but we have the worst habits of trying to rush things. My point is...there's no reason to be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of saying 'I have a boyfriend'. Being with someone shouldn't define you.

Someone recently told me this: I want to be with someone that I am trying to find reasons to leave rather than searching for reasons to stay in the relationship.

This is helpful if those reasons to leave are hard to find...but by all means, don't make up reasons to leave. Give things a chance (at least for a while). No rush, right?

Station Nation Eight - Hamsters & other scary things

Remember how I told you guys I was going to do a podcast with a few other people from the Morphine Nation staff? Well...IT FINALLY GOT POSTED!

PS-NSFW ... probably...unless you work in an adult book store or the senate...then you're ok.

LINK!!!!!!

Also...more fun news coming next week!!!

Hairline fractures in the GIRL CODE

You've heard it whispered among your girlfriends and sisters. You've probably felt some of the aftershocks when the trembling reverberations have lessened. You've even been the unwilling participant in some sort of 'lesson learned' regarding the code itself. What am I talking about? the much talked about but rarely written down: GIRL CODE.

It's a code that exists among girls to help us exist WITH other girls without fatally wounding each other with our sometimes Wolverine-esque fingernails and diva personalities.
The code is supposed to help us with a realm of things such as dating/relationships, fashion and social faux pauxs. It has helped many girls not be ostracized by her own gender for situations that are completely controlled within the code.

...and it has cracks.

With this said, I expect to have support from you guys because I'll be shunned and I'll be ousted and I'll be bullied and teased beyond what is clinically acceptable for normal behavior. But still I bring it to you today. The girl code...and how to crack it.

1) If you change boyfriends so fast they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to as "The boy" or "That guy". - Yes. For the love of God. Yes. This one is self explanatory. I'm sure guys have some sort of 'rule' against this also. Plus...it's just unnecessary to do so until you know that this person is A. worth keeping around or B. wants to stick around. I have made this mistake many times...it's just confusing, let alone embarrassing when your friends are always saying 'Wait...what happened to so-and-so? And who is this guy now?'
2) All girls must have a "Mr.Right Now". This is the guy friend who is always ready and available to hang out with you, and may or may not like you as more than a friend. He is always ready to party till dawn, and do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not “Mr. Right,” but he may be good enough to be “Mr. Right Now.” - Duh. But...to take advantage of this is just cruel. At least offer to give him a decent blow job once in a while.

3) If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy. (Ex. "The Camaro guy", "The Trainer dude", "The Four a.m. in the Taxi Guy") - Come on...you can't say that you guys haven't done this too. Girl with the really large tits and leopard thong. Girl with nose ring and strawberry tattoo on her inner thigh.
4) Every girl must wait at least a day and a half before calling a guy whose number she has retrieved. - Fuck this. Call him when you feel like it. Call him, find out sooner than later whether or not he's a douche bag-why waste time on guys who aren't worth it? If he is...then you've just saved a day and a half of stress.

5) You are never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into. Exception: If he's one of those guys who every girl likes. - This one is touchy. Very few have been able to cross this line. Personally, I wouldn't like this situation on either side (and I've been on the wrong side at least once.) I guess it can be done...you just need to make sure that the situation surrounding it is PERFECT. How do you get perfect? The ex needs to not be a 'fling' to you, but someone of genuine interest. The friend needs to be married or engaged to the 'man of her dreams'.
6) You are to never diss a friends boyfriend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he's being a asshole. In most cases it is easier to nod. Exception: If a guy cheated or dumped your friend is is exceptional for you to claim he isn't good enough, and that she deserves better as well as reminding her that he was an asshole anyway. - This is one reason I hate the girl code. I'm a huge advocate of being honest about guys. If he's a douche, tell her he's a douche. If he dumped her for good reason (ie. he wasn't 'into' the relationship, he wasn't in love with her, he isn't in the same place in life as she)-he's not an asshole, he's saving her the heartache of wasting her time and, in reality, she'll thank him later.
7) If you want to date a friend's brother it is required that you get said friends permission. - Not necessary. I have brothers. If my friends wanted to date them (before they were married, that is), I'd be ok with that. I don't 'own' my brothers. We're all adults here-we can get through this.

8) No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend present. If permission to do so is granted there should be at least 3 other people with you. - Who made up this fucking point? While I somewhat agree with the 'don't hang out with a friend's bf bit' (but only because it causes undue stress on your friend), why 3 other people? Girls make up shit. This is a prime example of said 'shit'...there's no reasoning.
9) No girl may have more than one 'Love of her Life' at one time, though having a boyfriend and a 'Love of her Life' is fine. - WTF? Isn't the 'love of your life' thing supposed to be sacred for, I don't know, the ACTUAL FUCKING LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? Sometimes I wonder if a 17 year old girl who's a week from her menstrual cycle and just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 weeks because he cheated on her with her best friend of the week (not by actual cheating BTW-by him buying her a frappaccino due to the fact that he works at the coffee stand and gets them free anyway and he was actually trying to make nice with her so that 17 year old menstruating girlfriend would be impressed) wrote this crap... Just do us all a favor, don't admit to 'love of your life' until you have a rock and a piece of paper to prove it.

10) No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend is if they will knowingly be in the same place. - This one = also crap. If I love my friend's perfumes, they're always game for telling me what it is, where to buy it, how much it is...short of driving me there themselves. I smell immaturity in this code.

11) No girl shall purchase a distinctive item of clothing which she is aware her friend owns without express permission from the friend. - See above comment and stop being such a whiney little bitch.

12) No girl shall borrow an item of clothing without asking the clothing owner's permission, unless both parties have made an official decision to waive this rule in the context of their friendship. - Ok this one is golden...plus who would do that anyway? I'd say if you had a friend that did this to you, she's inconsiderate and selfish and therefore, not really friendship material.

13) An eye for an eye and a foot for a foot. If a friend borrows an item of clothing and destroys it, said friend must re-pay it. - True. But a friend who wouldn't offer...isn't a friend.
14) The penalty for exposing a secret to an unauthorized party shall be exile from Girlville. - Fuck. Oh yeah...I don't care. Fuck Girlville anyway-your rules are f-ing crazy.
15) A girl who can substantially claim that she was not aware that a piece of information was a secret at the time she exposed it shall not be subject to punishment. - I'm screwed...will you at least use lube?

16) Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders. - Unless outsiders include the 2 'loves of your life', your really hot boss, the guy you flirted with at the car wash to get him to detail your car or your brother so that he's able to understand the girl he's trying to hook up with.

17) Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily. - And guys suffer from a cross between ADD and early onset Alzheimer's. But, definitely...leave them guessing...why take all the fun out of the game? ;)
18) If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, "I think she is more your type, you should call her". - This is a good one. Do this and save yourself the trouble.

19) Chicks before Dicks. Simple. - To a degree. You've heard the Bros before Hos thing, right? Same concept...the stipulation? Serious relationships. For example, if you are planning on marrying a guy or ARE married-you have a responsibility to that other person that even a girl code shouldn't interfere with. Make your decisions wisely.

20) In a case where a friend spreads a horrible rumor about a friend, and then apologizes they are to be given the cold-shoulder for at least 3 days. - Again...stupid rules of nonsense. Can we at least PRETEND we aren't all stark raving mad bitches with useless hoops to jump through? I mean...come on...
21) In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friends side. - Again...be honest. If your friend was in the wrong...tell her she was in the wrong. Didn't we all see 'Yes Man'? Didn't we learn a lesson that being so ALSO led to trouble? I promise you, if she's a mature and sane individual who plans on still being with her boyfriend, she'll appreciate your candor.

22) When dating-a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls. - At least in the beginning. We all know that as serious relationships progress, less time with the girls is bound to happen. This doesn't mean the girl wants to be less of a friend to other girls, it's just that she's moving forward with the natural progression in life...dating.marriage.babies.death. Leave her be and stop being so fucking jealous-green doesn't look good on you.
23) Never insult your friend but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look. - Nice. Please do this. Please do this to ME! I'd love if one of my friend was like 'SF-you look like you got run over by a train full of ducks that laid eggs on your head and feathered your shirt.' I would appreciate walking out the door not looking like a coke fiend living on the street. Help the less fortunate with their style faux pas.
24) When a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive or leave with a random guy. - Please, please, please do this for me too. Especially the last one...and even if 'random guy' is an ex boyfriend who has 'changed'...I'll be hating life tomorrow...my girlfriends, of all people, already know this (from previous experiences).

25) When a friend calls you up complaining about how she is drunk and can't go home you must allow her to stay at your house, without letting your parentals (if you live with them) find out. - What did I say earlier about who wrote the girl code? Score for Seattle on this one. I'd like to thank all those who believed in me.

26) When out with the ladies, if Girl #1 points out a guy that she is interested in, Girl #2 should avoid making a bee-line over to him to get his number for herself. Show some respect. - Wait...what? This bitch...IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. It's ok to shove her face into the next bar you see but be careful not to get blood on your Manolos.
27) When said evening is described as a "Girls’ Night Out" that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend. - Honor the code on this one girls. Plus...he needs a night without you and your fucking crazy code too.

28) Stop being the "Me too!" girl If your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder – and her story – by constantly trying to one-up her. - Hmmm...Is this a HUGE issue? Talk about petty. Are we now making up shit to fill up the pages in the girl code book?

29) Be a responsible friend and not a 'Yes-Girl'. If a friend is asking you if she should get back together with her ex who cheated on her, never wanted to hang out with her and than blamed her for them breaking up, and you say 'Yes', then you're a bad friend. Friends are supposed to protect and help friends. So say your part even if they don't like what you have to say. - Ah...yes and now we're repeating shit to fill up space.

30) Don't be a hater. If a girl walks in looking gorgeous, girls automatically try to find something bad about her. But who knows? She could have just lost a friend, or got dumped, etc. So be nice and stop hating. - Yeah bitches! Stop hating me! Maybe I'm just naturally beautiful and talented and can't really help that all guys flock to my grace and mystery! (as I stumble across the room and hit my head on a stool on my way to the floor because I've just tripped on my cherished platforms because I was flipping my hair so scandalously to grab attention)...

31) Don't go against the Girl Code. - OR BE SHUNNED!

Source.

Happy Independence Day!

Wishing everyone a happy 4th!!!

Drive safely and drink responsibly. :)

You know what sex leads to, right?

Well...preferably more sex but...more importantly (at least for this piece)...better sperm!

Having some trouble with your damaged sperm? Well, you're in luck! I have a solution!

Have more sex!

You don't have to explain the reasons to me but in case YOU wondered...

According to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Amsterdam, a new study shows that having more sex will reduce the amount of DNA-damaged sperm.

I love when things go my way... But, in reality, it's obvious. The more quickly you 'release' the damaged sperm, the more quickly better quality sperm can be produced.

To the infertile, this research is promising but still doesn't prove that men will be more fertile and result in more babies being born. Ongoing studies are researching the more sex vs. more babies issue.

Which, leads me to question...what? Do we seriously need a study for this? Ummm...yeah. More unprotected sex with undamaged = more children. Duh. And I don't even have a doctoral degree!

But I digress... I'll focus on this part of the article:

Bill Ledger (a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Sheffield) said instructing couples with infertility problems to have more sex could stress their relationship. "This may add even more anxiety and do more harm than good," he said.

And here I ask again-what? How do people come up with this stuff? Sex = more anxiety? I thought that one of the main reasons a guy 'needs' sex is the whole 'stress release' bit?

I wonder if these authority figures in our medical community even think about what they are saying before they open their mouths?

In fact, I found another article from MSNBC last year about a research study by James Coan, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, that shows the exact opposite! And!!! It can help with a bunch of other medical issues too such as a correlation to healing faster, getting sick less often and living longer.

Good relationships offset tension in daily life. Anxiety spikes blood pressure, which hobbles the immune system. But when you have sex, you release feel-good hormones, including oxytocin and endorphins. Eventually, you begin to associate your partner with those positive feelings, and he becomes someone you trust to be your soother during tough times.

Now, as your resident sexologist, I say...get to it! Spread the love! ;)

Source.

Source 2.

How not to pick a fugly hybrid.

We're a long way from the GM EV1 nowadays, aren't we? But personally, even if I had the chance to buy one before GM 'crushed' my chances, I wouldn't have. It looked too much like the Geo Storm for me to appreciate.

I'm all about doing my part in minimizing my carbon footprint and reducing emissions but, now that I have options, I won't be buying a car with no resale value due to ugliness. And now you're lucky because I'm going to help YOU pick a car based sole-y on attractiveness (that's also good for the environment)! I'm also going to mention that all of the cars I'll list (fugly or not) are REASONABLY priced...nothing over 30K.

Everyone has felt the economic crunch in some way, shape or form lately (unless you live under a rock in a cave) so we're all budgeting a lot more consciously...but we're on an upswing and credit restrictions are loosening (so I hear). And do you know what that means?! Soon there will be a burst of money spent on luxury items that we've been contemplating these long months...including cars. What with gas prices and all (especially this time of year), lots more people will be looking to our choices in hybrids. Let me help you not make bad choices with this purchase (from a girl who knows nothing about cars but that it had better have a mirror in the sunshade on the passenger side).

First a few 'do not buy!'s:
Kia Soul

Don't do it. Even their website says 'Good cookie. Cutter, bad'. Shouldn't that say it all? It probably gives you good gas mileage (of course, it's a Kia right?) but unless you like to be ridiculed by your friends for being the schmuck that got talked into this car by the best salesman ever--don't do it. Personally, I point out to ugly cars and state out loud to any passengers I have "Damn, that's a fucking ugly car. I bet he/she never gets laid." You would be the person I am talking about. Scion XD

I fucking hate Scion. It's the car brand that took over Kia for being shitty. My best friend has a Scion and she regretted the decision almost immediately (for more than just because I made fun of her based on the looks-factor). As with the Scion XB, Kia Soul and Honda Element-if I wanted to drive around in a box , I'd apply to UPS and get paid for it! All of the above cars should be mocked at every chance you get. (Side note: they even NAMED one of their cars the eBox!). That should explain it all. Chevrolet Aveo

I'll give this one props for being, quite possibly, the cheapest car on the market and I'd have to also admit that my very sweet neighbors actually own one but...the car is fucking ugly. It's a Metro...remodeled. Enough said. Toyota Yaris

Really? Come on Toyota! You've done better... What the fuck is this? It's an oversized pug (and we all know that pugs are the ugliest dogs on the planet). The cool blue HID headlights don't even help the 'coolness' factor on this one. Of course, you'll be able to fit into small parking spots but, as I'll explain later in this post, you have other options that won't result in someone tagging your car 'POS'. *hides can of spray paint* Nissan Versa

If you're going to buy a car that looks like the above, just buy a Honda Fit instead. It's a much better brand and you won't have to put thousands of dollars into it to look cool. The Versa is just bland. I don't have much to say other than if you buy this car...you are vanilla. No one likes vanilla.

Ok, well I couldn't find any other hybrids that made me want to vomit uncontrollably (a few concepts...but we'll get to those later) so I'll move on to the sweet hybrids you could possibly get laid for owning! Mercury Milan or Ford Fusion

Who are we kidding, it's the same car. But...look at that! A car I would (and have) drive and not look like I was trying too hard to look cool! And I always drive it like I mean it. ;) Honda Fit

I have a friend who has one and it's freakin' awesome! It's amazing how many times you can use the phrase (when looking for a parking spot in Seattle) "No worries, it'll Fit" and still find it funny. Per my friend-"Who says you can't get pulled over in a Fit?!" 76 in a 60 and no ticket...Nice work! Mercury Mariner

I love this car. I'm fairly partial to it because my brother owns one and doesn't look like a douche doing so. It's got lots of room (for a smaller SUV) and does pretty decent mileage on the highway. If you're going the SUV route (even though it's domestic), I'd have to give this one a few upvotes. Mini Cooper

Who doesn't love the mini? I've been in love with these since I first saw The Italian Job. If you are thinking 'this car wouldn't be big enough'...I can guarantee-you are incorrect! I have a friend that is upwards of the 6' mark (ok, he's 7' tall) and he fits perfectly in this car! It's crazy cute and there's a huge 'community' of mini-lovers - you won't ever feel alone.

Now the fun part...bashing the concept cars:

Toyota A-BAT Concept Hybrid Pickup

It's a good thing that this is JUST A CONCEPT...so far. What the fuck? Is it an El Camino? Is it a truck? There's too much going on for this to even be considered a truck. Aren't trucks supposed to have a bed? Oh wait...is that what that 2.5 feet of dead space in the back is? Oh...dude...my bad. It totally....FUCKING SUCKS! Toyota Hybrid X

What did we do to the Japanese to piss them off? Oh yeah...the atomic bomb...right. Mercy! Mercy! We give! Seriously...make it stop! Volkswagen up!

I usually like VW...what the hell is happening here? Are they trying to compete with the SmartCar? If so...try again. But...you know what? I think the exclamation point in the name of the car is bringing me around....*sarcasm

Ok, that's enough for today boys and girls. If you need any more help, I'm always ready and willing. ;)

Happy shopping!

Women's rules for dating...are crap.

I've been in conversations with guys before who are always surprised to hear that women have all these little 'rules' that we (supposedly) abide by when entering into a 'dating' relationship with them. It's true...if you're a girl and don't like it-you're in denial. If you're a guy and don't like it-you are part of the majority.

With that said, I'd personally like to think that my gender isn't as cold and callous (let alone stupid) as this website I found would like to think we are. Dating rules for women, right? Ok, well I agree that there should be some sort of 'rules' in a way (especially for first dates or meeting your kids/friends) but most of these 'rules' made me want to vomit.

* Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab. - What is this? The 50's? Since when do we need to be proven that we're worth it by buying us dinner?
* Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him. - Dump him? That's kinda fucking harsh don't you think? I've dating lots of great guys who didn't send me flowers (Oh...fuck...*light goes on).
* Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. - Psshht! How early is early? I mean first date can be considered early but...then again the standard 'third date' also seems a bit early too, doesn't it? I say just go for it if you feel it. If it doesn't pan out it may be because of 1. you lacked sexual prowess in bed (which, he would've found out anyway) or 2. you just weren't interesting enough in general to keep his attention (find a hobby).
* Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative. - What. The. Fuck? Are we seriously going to play this game? Be on time-save yourself the hassle of being considered a snobby 'princess'...plus you're giving all us normal girls a bad rep.
* Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. - Or...kiss him goodbye. Guys (I've learned) don't generally like to work too hard for something they are unsure of. Answer your fucking phone and say yes if he asks you out again. Fucking with the minds of guys is generally not a good idea unless you like being single.
* If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. - If you are available Tuesday - SEE HIM TUESDAY! Don't play with him...it's just not nice.
* Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates. - Ok, I'll give this one to us. If you've already made plans with your girlfriends - keep them. Girls also don't like to be ditched for guys...it might be worse than vice versa. Believe you me. Plus, having girlfriends is very, VERY important. Make sure you don't lose these friendships when you start seriously dating.
* Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly. - Don't do this. Unless you're willing to keep it up for the rest of your life (if need be). Otherwise, he'll find out that you're a fraud anyway and it's just too much work. Just be yourself and be honest.
* Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to. - A mirror? Are we in the 5th grade? Practice on real people...it works best. Plus, being a bad kisser won't always make them walk away...if you give a bad blow job or none at all-they're history. Try zucchini for practice (try not to peel the skin with your teeth).
* Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only. - This is KEY actually. Personally, I like to go into relationships just assuming that we are each other's first (the whole 'innocent til proven guilty' thing). And NOONE wants to hear about previous sexual experiences...good or bad.
* Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking. - Ditto for us guys.
* If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys. - This is a good point actually. At a certain age jealousy and insecurities are drama that we could live without.
* If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him. - Shoes? Really? What happened to 'Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better.' Didn't we just cover that? The hygiene thing I understand but...you should know that much, at least, before you go out with him.
* Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison. - HAHHAAHAH Has this ever turned out well? I mean...seriously? My dad is a stubborn old farmer...unless I'm dating his friends, I don't really see how there's even a comparison to base this on?
* Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing. - Ok, good point but I'm only keeping it because of the next one...
* If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else. - What happened to 'He is the one doing the chasing.' Can we BE more confusing? Oh wait...the whole 'changing landmarks' thing. I get it. Fuck...I'm a girl and I don't even blame you guys for dating us.
* You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on. - HA! This is great!
* If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates. - "...my biological clock says I need to stop having babies at 35 so I only have 4 more years to make the 2 children that US consensus states is typical. So, what do you think? This dating thing should take 6 months or so, right? Then the typical 1 year engagement. Then I wouldn't want to have babies in our first year of marriage. Then the pesky 'trying' period. Then 9 months afterwards. That's already 3 years so then we'd only have about 6 months or so until we'd need to produce another. Can I pencil you in or not?"

And just when you thought that we couldn't get more ridiculous-they added 'online' dating rules:

* Post the best and most vampish photo you can find. - Don't post pics that are more than 6 months old...no matter how 'vampish'. Plus the point is for them to see you as you, right? Post pics that are 'you'...in all your glory. The right guy will bite.
* Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines. - Always do this! ...otherwise, you'll get lost in the 'sea' of faces. Keep his interest. Show him how smart/witty/funny you actually are. Sheesh!
* Never provide your real email or phone details. - Not right away at least. Make sure you have a 'junk' email account that you give out to people until you render them safe.
* Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn. - Does this really need to be listed? No shit. Actually I thought I'd email the guy with no pic who listed 'gun-cleaning' on his hobbies list and give him my home address while mentioning that my roommate is gone for the weekend.
* Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic. - But don't, DON'T under any circumstances be clever in your opening lines of IM. I fucking hate contradiction.
* Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best. - Is there a reason for this? Who the fuck even cares? Maybe I just left my browser open...
* Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad. - Again with the 'do not assume'...this is VERY important. People have layers.
* Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday. - Why not? If I have a minute or 2 on a Saturday morning or Sunday night, I'm going to reply...unless you give me a GREAT reason as to why this would help my dating life.
* Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile. - Actually guys have a tendency to bring this one up too soon...we don't want to hear it right away UNLESS we've specifically stated that it is ALL we are looking for...then it's fair game for all.
* If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile. - Don't stray from it either. If a guy says 'I'm separated'...he's still fucking married. Don't do it unless you like hearing the 'I'm going to divorce my wife for you' bit and like to get your heart broken. This sucks...just don't.
* A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored. - What? The guy can't have a job? Go on vacation? Attend a funeral in a different state? What happened to 'don't assume'?
* Make sure your humor levels come across in text. - What? I thought I couldn't be clever? Fuck...now I'm confused again...
* Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off. - Disagreed! Hundreds=prob not a good idea but several-YES! Just don't rule out options until you know for sure you have a keeper.
* Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out. - HAHAHHAHA I've heard this so many times I feel sick thinking about it. If you're blonde (I mean haircolor), say 'blonde'. If you are 300 lbs, you aren't 'curvy'. If you truly want to meet someone, it's always best to be honest. "I'm a 31 year old woman with curly brunette hair, hazel/green eyes and am a size 36B." Happy?
* Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results. - Just fucking be yourself. If you're a slightly nerdy, balance challenged (klutzy) Midwest girl who knows way too much about computers or video games...be that girl for best results.

My Media Player, Vol X

I want to start out by apologizing for no Media Player last week (which means, you can stop rejoicing now-I haven't decided to scrap the idea). I was busy...uber busy! And just so you all know - I am handling the start of my FREE summer just dandy, thank you.
And no, this is not the summer I admit to alcoholism.

Strung Out - Twisted by Design
Myspace.
Now you are all going to think I've lost it but I actually ran across this band on a motorcross video, On the Pipe 3. You all want to think I've lost it, right? While I've never actually ridden a dirt bike, I can appreciate the hype...especially to someone with a death wish. In any case, the music was awesome and pumped me up to the action in the film. It's definitely punk. Enjoy. Kate Voegele - A Fine Mess
Website.
Again with the One Tree Hill? Yes. You love it...STFU. Kate actually is a singer who turned actress for her part on OTH but hasn't let her singing suffer in the meantime. I've been waiting for the release of this album to show you. How nice am I? ;) Incubus - Monuments and Melodies
Website.
I realized recently that I've never included one of my favorite bands of ALL time! Incubus! They've recently released this 2 disc album of their greatest hits and, I gotta say, I almost orgasm-ed when I found out. Seriously, I did!

…and then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

To start this piece, I should go ahead and admit that I’ve read all 4 Twilight books (the last book, being 700+ pages, in about 2.5 days). I’ll even admit that I liked the books enough…even though I’m not a 14 y.0. girl.

And, yes, I am intrigued by the idea of ‘vampires’ but no, I don’t think they actually exist. I plead the 5th for any other comments.

Watching the Twilight movie though…made me want to commit suicide by /facepalm.

So you can imagine that if the beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer came across the likes of Edward, it would, at least, be entertaining…

I came across this video remix of how it would be…I had to share:

Air Sex - Ham Grenade (Seattle competition)

You all saw my post last week about the Air Sex competition going on throughout the West Coast this past weekend. It seems that one of my close friends found his way onto the stage with his own rendition of how he performs in the sack...

Now I'm not sure if I should be impressed that he even included the fact that he's a proponent of condom use or worried about his premature ejaculation issues but I can tell you one thing: there's no faking when Ham Grenade goes off...

PS...HG-I can attest...you always deliver. ;)