You've heard it whispered among your girlfriends and sisters. You've probably felt some of the aftershocks when the trembling reverberations have lessened. You've even been the unwilling participant in some sort of 'lesson learned' regarding the code itself. What am I talking about? the much talked about but rarely written down: GIRL CODE.
It's a code that exists among girls to help us exist WITH other girls without fatally wounding each other with our sometimes Wolverine-esque fingernails and diva personalities.
The code is supposed to help us with a realm of things such as dating/relationships, fashion and social faux pauxs. It has helped many girls not be ostracized by her own gender for situations that are completely controlled within the code.
...and it has cracks.
With this said, I expect to have support from you guys because I'll be shunned and I'll be ousted and I'll be bullied and teased beyond what is clinically acceptable for normal behavior. But still I bring it to you today. The girl code...and how to crack it.
1) If you change boyfriends so fast they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his first name. Until such time, he should be referred to as "The boy" or "That guy". - Yes. For the love of God. Yes. This one is self explanatory. I'm sure guys have some sort of 'rule' against this also. Plus...it's just unnecessary to do so until you know that this person is A. worth keeping around or B. wants to stick around. I have made this mistake many times...it's just confusing, let alone embarrassing when your friends are always saying 'Wait...what happened to so-and-so? And who is this guy now?'
2) All girls must have a "Mr.Right Now". This is the guy friend who is always ready and available to hang out with you, and may or may not like you as more than a friend. He is always ready to party till dawn, and do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not “Mr. Right,” but he may be good enough to be “Mr. Right Now.” - Duh. But...to take advantage of this is just cruel. At least offer to give him a decent blow job once in a while.
3) If you just met a guy and know absolutely nothing about him, but need to refer to him during 'girl talk' you use one example of who he is, something he has, or what he does, and he becomes... that guy. (Ex. "The Camaro guy", "The Trainer dude", "The Four a.m. in the Taxi Guy") - Come on...you can't say that you guys haven't done this too. Girl with the really large tits and leopard thong. Girl with nose ring and strawberry tattoo on her inner thigh.
4) Every girl must wait at least a day and a half before calling a guy whose number she has retrieved. - Fuck this. Call him when you feel like it. Call him, find out sooner than later whether or not he's a douche bag-why waste time on guys who aren't worth it? If he is...then you've just saved a day and a half of stress.
5) You are never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into. Exception: If he's one of those guys who every girl likes. - This one is touchy. Very few have been able to cross this line. Personally, I wouldn't like this situation on either side (and I've been on the wrong side at least once.) I guess it can be done...you just need to make sure that the situation surrounding it is PERFECT. How do you get perfect? The ex needs to not be a 'fling' to you, but someone of genuine interest. The friend needs to be married or engaged to the 'man of her dreams'.
6) You are to never diss a friends boyfriend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he's being a asshole. In most cases it is easier to nod. Exception: If a guy cheated or dumped your friend is is exceptional for you to claim he isn't good enough, and that she deserves better as well as reminding her that he was an asshole anyway. - This is one reason I hate the girl code. I'm a huge advocate of being honest about guys. If he's a douche, tell her he's a douche. If he dumped her for good reason (ie. he wasn't 'into' the relationship, he wasn't in love with her, he isn't in the same place in life as she)-he's not an asshole, he's saving her the heartache of wasting her time and, in reality, she'll thank him later.
7) If you want to date a friend's brother it is required that you get said friends permission. - Not necessary. I have brothers. If my friends wanted to date them (before they were married, that is), I'd be ok with that. I don't 'own' my brothers. We're all adults here-we can get through this.
8) No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend present. If permission to do so is granted there should be at least 3 other people with you. - Who made up this fucking point? While I somewhat agree with the 'don't hang out with a friend's bf bit' (but only because it causes undue stress on your friend), why 3 other people? Girls make up shit. This is a prime example of said 'shit'...there's no reasoning.
9) No girl may have more than one 'Love of her Life' at one time, though having a boyfriend and a 'Love of her Life' is fine. - WTF? Isn't the 'love of your life' thing supposed to be sacred for, I don't know, the ACTUAL FUCKING LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? Sometimes I wonder if a 17 year old girl who's a week from her menstrual cycle and just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 weeks because he cheated on her with her best friend of the week (not by actual cheating BTW-by him buying her a frappaccino due to the fact that he works at the coffee stand and gets them free anyway and he was actually trying to make nice with her so that 17 year old menstruating girlfriend would be impressed) wrote this crap... Just do us all a favor, don't admit to 'love of your life' until you have a rock and a piece of paper to prove it.
10) No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend is if they will knowingly be in the same place. - This one = also crap. If I love my friend's perfumes, they're always game for telling me what it is, where to buy it, how much it is...short of driving me there themselves. I smell immaturity in this code.
11) No girl shall purchase a distinctive item of clothing which she is aware her friend owns without express permission from the friend. - See above comment and stop being such a whiney little bitch.
12) No girl shall borrow an item of clothing without asking the clothing owner's permission, unless both parties have made an official decision to waive this rule in the context of their friendship. - Ok this one is golden...plus who would do that anyway? I'd say if you had a friend that did this to you, she's inconsiderate and selfish and therefore, not really friendship material.
13) An eye for an eye and a foot for a foot. If a friend borrows an item of clothing and destroys it, said friend must re-pay it. - True. But a friend who wouldn't offer...isn't a friend.
14) The penalty for exposing a secret to an unauthorized party shall be exile from Girlville. - Fuck. Oh yeah...I don't care. Fuck Girlville anyway-your rules are f-ing crazy.
15) A girl who can substantially claim that she was not aware that a piece of information was a secret at the time she exposed it shall not be subject to punishment. - I'm screwed...will you at least use lube?
16) Inside jokes are not to be explained to outsiders. - Unless outsiders include the 2 'loves of your life', your really hot boss, the guy you flirted with at the car wash to get him to detail your car or your brother so that he's able to understand the girl he's trying to hook up with.
17) Always leave a man wanting more but don't leave him guessing too long since guys do not take hints easily. - And guys suffer from a cross between ADD and early onset Alzheimer's. But, definitely...leave them guessing...why take all the fun out of the game? ;)
18) If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, "I think she is more your type, you should call her". - This is a good one. Do this and save yourself the trouble.
19) Chicks before Dicks. Simple. - To a degree. You've heard the Bros before Hos thing, right? Same concept...the stipulation? Serious relationships. For example, if you are planning on marrying a guy or ARE married-you have a responsibility to that other person that even a girl code shouldn't interfere with. Make your decisions wisely.
20) In a case where a friend spreads a horrible rumor about a friend, and then apologizes they are to be given the cold-shoulder for at least 3 days. - Again...stupid rules of nonsense. Can we at least PRETEND we aren't all stark raving mad bitches with useless hoops to jump through? I mean...come on...
21) In a fight between a friend and her boyfriend you must always choose your friends side. - Again...be honest. If your friend was in the wrong...tell her she was in the wrong. Didn't we all see 'Yes Man'? Didn't we learn a lesson that being so ALSO led to trouble? I promise you, if she's a mature and sane individual who plans on still being with her boyfriend, she'll appreciate your candor.
22) When dating-a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls. - At least in the beginning. We all know that as serious relationships progress, less time with the girls is bound to happen. This doesn't mean the girl wants to be less of a friend to other girls, it's just that she's moving forward with the natural progression in life...dating.marriage.babies.death. Leave her be and stop being so fucking jealous-green doesn't look good on you.
23) Never insult your friend but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look. - Nice. Please do this. Please do this to ME! I'd love if one of my friend was like 'SF-you look like you got run over by a train full of ducks that laid eggs on your head and feathered your shirt.' I would appreciate walking out the door not looking like a coke fiend living on the street. Help the less fortunate with their style faux pas.
24) When a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive or leave with a random guy. - Please, please, please do this for me too. Especially the last one...and even if 'random guy' is an ex boyfriend who has 'changed'...I'll be hating life tomorrow...my girlfriends, of all people, already know this (from previous experiences).
25) When a friend calls you up complaining about how she is drunk and can't go home you must allow her to stay at your house, without letting your parentals (if you live with them) find out. - What did I say earlier about who wrote the girl code? Score for Seattle on this one. I'd like to thank all those who believed in me.
26) When out with the ladies, if Girl #1 points out a guy that she is interested in, Girl #2 should avoid making a bee-line over to him to get his number for herself. Show some respect. - Wait...what? This bitch...IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. It's ok to shove her face into the next bar you see but be careful not to get blood on your Manolos.
27) When said evening is described as a "Girls’ Night Out" that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend. - Honor the code on this one girls. Plus...he needs a night without you and your fucking crazy code too.
28) Stop being the "Me too!" girl If your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder – and her story – by constantly trying to one-up her. - Hmmm...Is this a HUGE issue? Talk about petty. Are we now making up shit to fill up the pages in the girl code book?
29) Be a responsible friend and not a 'Yes-Girl'. If a friend is asking you if she should get back together with her ex who cheated on her, never wanted to hang out with her and than blamed her for them breaking up, and you say 'Yes', then you're a bad friend. Friends are supposed to protect and help friends. So say your part even if they don't like what you have to say. - Ah...yes and now we're repeating shit to fill up space.
30) Don't be a hater. If a girl walks in looking gorgeous, girls automatically try to find something bad about her. But who knows? She could have just lost a friend, or got dumped, etc. So be nice and stop hating. - Yeah bitches! Stop hating me! Maybe I'm just naturally beautiful and talented and can't really help that all guys flock to my grace and mystery! (as I stumble across the room and hit my head on a stool on my way to the floor because I've just tripped on my cherished platforms because I was flipping my hair so scandalously to grab attention)...
31) Don't go against the Girl Code. - OR BE SHUNNED!
Source.
We will NEVER include email addresses/phone numbers/Facebook pages, etc. So...no worries there. :)
This isn't to say that any or all of these actors will actually make appearances AT Comic-Con but, chances are you'll have sightings of celebrities that aren't scheduled to show. I have good information that notes 'CRAZIER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED!'
Practice. Patience. And...the understanding that I'M REALLY OK BEING SINGLE! (drugs are for the weak)...
Note: hang out with people who are just as happy with being single as you are. There's no need to make yourself miserable by hearing everyone else complain about NOT having a boyfriend. Keep it clear with family though-YOU ARE IN NO HURRY TO SETTLE. Dads should especially understand this one...
The point is...give it a chance, don't judge based on 3 or 4 bad dates. If you don't want to-stop bitching about being single. Suck it up, make your dog your beneficiary and stay in the basement for all I care...hey-less competition for me.
The better care you take of yourself, the more people will notice that you care about things. If you care, it shows. Hell, recycle if that's what it takes. No one is going to judge you harshly for taking care of the planet.
My point is...there's no reason to be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of saying 'I have a boyfriend'. Being with someone shouldn't define you.
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