How do I do it without the biological clock buzzing it's way through my forehead? I don't...I have internal bleeding and possibly brain damage.
How do I do it though without drugs or meds? How do I remain calm?
Practice. Patience. And...the understanding that I'M REALLY OK BEING SINGLE! (drugs are for the weak)...
In talking with a friend yesterday, she was telling me about some other of her friends that just NEED to have a boyfriend-they feel like having a man in their lives completes them in a way.
And while I totally agree with having a steady as a good thing, I don't think that NOT having a boyfriend is a bad thing. There are just as much pressures being in a relationship as there are NOT being in a relationship.
Being single, I have my dad pressuring me to move home to the midwest and looking forward to hooking me up with a dairy farmer with the promise of never having to work again. While the not working bit is tempting, the having 5 kids and living a few hundred miles from a Macy's isn't. A girls gotta have her priorities, right?
I also have the friends' weddings to attend. Singly. Yeah, these are rough. Over the weekend I attended a girlfriend's wedding. It was nice, short and casual (the best type). The scary part-I wanted that. A year ago at my brother's wedding-I didn't (with that said, I don't actually want the 'wedding' part-too much work). The difference? I'm not settling.
It seems that people settle too much for people they don't connect with because they are either A. Afraid of being single or B. Stupid about love.
That being said, even I have dated people for long periods of time knowing the relationship had an expiration date. There's something to be said for 'filling a need' and convenience. My advice though? Don't get sucked in. Don't get in so deep that you lose yourself, your friends or your passions.
Being with right someone should ADD TO your life, not make it more difficult or bring you more stress. Relationships are work, I understand this. But, in no way should they hurt you (physically, emotionally or verbally). This goes for girls too. Believe you me...I know girls are horrible and just as 'at fault' for problems.
Now for a few tips from none other than the Seattle Freeze to help you in 'single-dom':
1. Hang out with your friends/family...ALOT. If you don't, you will be sad. You will be sad all the time. Even if you don't notice it, it will take you over. You WILL need meds to get out of it...and no one wants that.
Note: hang out with people who are just as happy with being single as you are. There's no need to make yourself miserable by hearing everyone else complain about NOT having a boyfriend. Keep it clear with family though-YOU ARE IN NO HURRY TO SETTLE. Dads should especially understand this one...
2. Date. Date ALOT. You're thinking 'easier said than done', right? Nope...it's easy. I promise. It's called THE INTERNET. I'm not talking Craigslist...I'm talking actual dating sites. I know you've heard the horror stories, etc. but...personally, I'm on one. I've only had one bad experience. Otherwise, I've learned a lot about what I want, what I don't want and made a few really great friends. But also, if friends hook you up with someone, GO! Just get out.
The point is...give it a chance, don't judge based on 3 or 4 bad dates. If you don't want to-stop bitching about being single. Suck it up, make your dog your beneficiary and stay in the basement for all I care...hey-less competition for me.
3. Keep busy. The more you get out, the more you are able to meet people. In meeting these said 'people', the more you get invited to do things (parties, hikes, boating, golf, etc.). The more you get invited to do things, the more people you meet. The more people you meet doing things you like, the better your chances are at meeting someone who likes doing things you like too. Bars don't count. Anyone can go to a bar, meet someone, spend a hot sweaty hour against a dumpster in an alley and think they've met the 'one' because you're the only one who's ever contracted this rare type of STD from him...it MUST be fate.
4. Take care of yourself. Go to the gym! Trust in hygiene...I promise good things will abound (guys-manscaping is a beautiful concept). Personally, I shave my legs EVERY DAY. Helps with the whole 'feeling good about myself thing'.Plus you never know, right? ;)
The better care you take of yourself, the more people will notice that you care about things. If you care, it shows. Hell, recycle if that's what it takes. No one is going to judge you harshly for taking care of the planet.
5. Set the biological clock to 'snooze'. Let's talk babies... If you want kids that badly, you'll find a different way than to trap some poor schmuck into a relationship that neither of you will be happy in. With this said, do not, I repeat-DO NOT marry someone just because you are pregnant. It's just not worth it...I promise. You ARE strong enough to do it on your own if he's not 'the one'...again, I promise. I wear a ring every day that says 'all the strength you need is inside you.' DON'T FORGET THIS!
Plus, there are other options...but I'll leave that for another post (a more controversial, I assume, post).
There shouldn't be a time clock on relationships. You want to make sure you are with someone for the right reasons. Those reasons vary depending on the kind of person you are but basically, the right person will compliment you, as in how black clothing compliments most body types.
Do NOT pressure. Period. Guys HATE this. Girls hate this too but we have the worst habits of trying to rush things.
My point is...there's no reason to be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of saying 'I have a boyfriend'. Being with someone shouldn't define you.
Someone recently told me this: I want to be with someone that I am trying to find reasons to leave rather than searching for reasons to stay in the relationship.
This is helpful if those reasons to leave are hard to find...but by all means, don't make up reasons to leave. Give things a chance (at least for a while). No rush, right?
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