It's shitty fashion week!

If you're human, you've noticed the fashion trends that come and go here in the good old U.S of A. Personally, I fail to understand the reasons behind why we thought they were cool then...let alone now...
Remember bell bottoms in the 70's? Then you'll remember how the trend came back sometime in the early 2000's?
Or baby doll dresses from the 60's that made a comeback in the 90's? Or cat's eye glasses from the 50's that are actually retro right now?!

Now I know this site doesn't necessarily cater to females, but I am a female and am hoping that this post will help other females from making some serious mistakes I've noticed in the fashion world (for this season, at least). Plus, I'm fairly sick of the lack of options in the mall right now...so anything I can do to deter the shitty buying behavior that people with no taste get suckered into, will make me feel better. Now don't get me wrong, I'm definitely NOT a fashionista but since I have a forum to vent, you all get to hear my rant so here goes...

I've decided to stick with the fashion trends that are hot right now or what is being marketed as hot for the next season (fall). I've picked the crappiest (in my opinion) of what's out there.

Skinny jeans.

There is no way in fucking hell that this trend is cool. Even the punk kids and skaters that made these popular again look like douchebags in training. They are jeans that are taper into a pencil cut at the ankles...so, what? You can see my socks better? I guess for guys with a larger than normal 'package', this could work out in their favor....

I think this trend gives people the idea that they can actually wear them...which is false. Not everyone can wear these jeans...no matter how 'in' they are. First...men shouldn't wear them. Second, overweight people shouldn't (and usually can't) wear them. People who weigh over 93 pounds shouldn't wear them. Short people shouldn't wear them (because they're too long usually). Anyone who wants to be taken seriously shouldn't wear them. Anyone who isn't in between 15 and 17 years old and isn't a Jonas brother shouldn't wear them. The Jonas brothers shouldn't wear them. Does that help?

Oversized glasses.

There's been a post in the forums for quite some time about this and I'll admit, I agree with all the comments. There is no reason for glasses this big. Unless, of course, you're trying to cover the fact that your nose is comparable to Barbara Streisand's or hiding your resemblances to the Hiltons.

Ed Hardy...anything.

I just don't get the fashion craze this designer has formed. His designs make my head ache...there is way too much going on that I feel like I have vertigo just walking by the rack. If I wanted to look like trailer trash, I could find something in my sisters closet instead of paying the exorbitant prices that are plastered on this crap.

So I ask you this...if I ever buy anything Ed Hardy, please buy me a 6 pack of PBR and some crystal meth, tune the TV in to Nascar, give me a broken lawn chair, a box of bleach hair dye and write me off.

Gladiator Sandals.

Ok, even I'll admit that some variations of these CAN be cute BUT they are few and far between...I promise you this. They were cool in the movies Sparta and 300, otherwise I haven't seen a pair in real life that meets my standards and I don't have standards. Enough said.

Laddered stockings.

It's true...this is actually a fashion on the upswing to trendiness. To explain it: you basically just take a good pair of tights or nylons (which cost anywhere from 5-50 dollars) and...rip them so they are particularly worthless.

So, I already gave you the talk about how to treat me given that I buy anything Ed Hardy now...let's move on to if I decide I'd like to dress like a homeless person...with a car...and a job...and a home. How can something that makes you look like you had rough sex in an alley with the likes of Billy Thornton against a dumpster, be trendy? I'd like to help the fashion world by repealing the attractiveness of this fashion statement. DON'T DO IT!

Hypercolor.

This is almost as bad as neon...no wait...it's worse. The point of hypercolor is that heat changes the color of the fabric. Sounds pretty cool right? Think about it this way...what happens under your arms during the day? What if you're wearing a pair of shorts or tights that are hypercolor? Yeah, I'd love to advertise that I'm sweaty or (dare I say) 'hot' in certain places. Talk about awkward. This trend needs to stay in the 90's on Beverly Hills 90210 where it belongs...although it was a fleeting movement then also.

Crocs.

Bring back jelly shoes instead-at least kids looked cute in those. Crocs are for people who don't have any sense of fashion...therefore the term 'fashion trend' when it comes to Crocs is misleading.

Just don't. That's all.

The next time you shop, remember my advice. And if you still can't figure out what to do, I do make house/store calls. I really don't mind telling you that you look like an asshat, fucktard or poser...let me know if I can help. Until then, I'll be at the nearest vintage/consignment store looking for 'real' fashion.

And don't forget to miss fashion week in New York, September 10-17th!