How not to pick a fugly hybrid.

We're a long way from the GM EV1 nowadays, aren't we? But personally, even if I had the chance to buy one before GM 'crushed' my chances, I wouldn't have. It looked too much like the Geo Storm for me to appreciate.

I'm all about doing my part in minimizing my carbon footprint and reducing emissions but, now that I have options, I won't be buying a car with no resale value due to ugliness. And now you're lucky because I'm going to help YOU pick a car based sole-y on attractiveness (that's also good for the environment)! I'm also going to mention that all of the cars I'll list (fugly or not) are REASONABLY priced...nothing over 30K.

Everyone has felt the economic crunch in some way, shape or form lately (unless you live under a rock in a cave) so we're all budgeting a lot more consciously...but we're on an upswing and credit restrictions are loosening (so I hear). And do you know what that means?! Soon there will be a burst of money spent on luxury items that we've been contemplating these long months...including cars. What with gas prices and all (especially this time of year), lots more people will be looking to our choices in hybrids. Let me help you not make bad choices with this purchase (from a girl who knows nothing about cars but that it had better have a mirror in the sunshade on the passenger side).

First a few 'do not buy!'s:
Kia Soul

Don't do it. Even their website says 'Good cookie. Cutter, bad'. Shouldn't that say it all? It probably gives you good gas mileage (of course, it's a Kia right?) but unless you like to be ridiculed by your friends for being the schmuck that got talked into this car by the best salesman ever--don't do it. Personally, I point out to ugly cars and state out loud to any passengers I have "Damn, that's a fucking ugly car. I bet he/she never gets laid." You would be the person I am talking about. Scion XD

I fucking hate Scion. It's the car brand that took over Kia for being shitty. My best friend has a Scion and she regretted the decision almost immediately (for more than just because I made fun of her based on the looks-factor). As with the Scion XB, Kia Soul and Honda Element-if I wanted to drive around in a box , I'd apply to UPS and get paid for it! All of the above cars should be mocked at every chance you get. (Side note: they even NAMED one of their cars the eBox!). That should explain it all. Chevrolet Aveo

I'll give this one props for being, quite possibly, the cheapest car on the market and I'd have to also admit that my very sweet neighbors actually own one but...the car is fucking ugly. It's a Metro...remodeled. Enough said. Toyota Yaris

Really? Come on Toyota! You've done better... What the fuck is this? It's an oversized pug (and we all know that pugs are the ugliest dogs on the planet). The cool blue HID headlights don't even help the 'coolness' factor on this one. Of course, you'll be able to fit into small parking spots but, as I'll explain later in this post, you have other options that won't result in someone tagging your car 'POS'. *hides can of spray paint* Nissan Versa

If you're going to buy a car that looks like the above, just buy a Honda Fit instead. It's a much better brand and you won't have to put thousands of dollars into it to look cool. The Versa is just bland. I don't have much to say other than if you buy this car...you are vanilla. No one likes vanilla.

Ok, well I couldn't find any other hybrids that made me want to vomit uncontrollably (a few concepts...but we'll get to those later) so I'll move on to the sweet hybrids you could possibly get laid for owning! Mercury Milan or Ford Fusion

Who are we kidding, it's the same car. But...look at that! A car I would (and have) drive and not look like I was trying too hard to look cool! And I always drive it like I mean it. ;) Honda Fit

I have a friend who has one and it's freakin' awesome! It's amazing how many times you can use the phrase (when looking for a parking spot in Seattle) "No worries, it'll Fit" and still find it funny. Per my friend-"Who says you can't get pulled over in a Fit?!" 76 in a 60 and no ticket...Nice work! Mercury Mariner

I love this car. I'm fairly partial to it because my brother owns one and doesn't look like a douche doing so. It's got lots of room (for a smaller SUV) and does pretty decent mileage on the highway. If you're going the SUV route (even though it's domestic), I'd have to give this one a few upvotes. Mini Cooper

Who doesn't love the mini? I've been in love with these since I first saw The Italian Job. If you are thinking 'this car wouldn't be big enough'...I can guarantee-you are incorrect! I have a friend that is upwards of the 6' mark (ok, he's 7' tall) and he fits perfectly in this car! It's crazy cute and there's a huge 'community' of mini-lovers - you won't ever feel alone.

Now the fun part...bashing the concept cars:

Toyota A-BAT Concept Hybrid Pickup

It's a good thing that this is JUST A CONCEPT...so far. What the fuck? Is it an El Camino? Is it a truck? There's too much going on for this to even be considered a truck. Aren't trucks supposed to have a bed? Oh wait...is that what that 2.5 feet of dead space in the back is? Oh...dude...my bad. It totally....FUCKING SUCKS! Toyota Hybrid X

What did we do to the Japanese to piss them off? Oh yeah...the atomic bomb...right. Mercy! Mercy! We give! Seriously...make it stop! Volkswagen up!

I usually like VW...what the hell is happening here? Are they trying to compete with the SmartCar? If so...try again. But...you know what? I think the exclamation point in the name of the car is bringing me around....*sarcasm

Ok, that's enough for today boys and girls. If you need any more help, I'm always ready and willing. ;)

Happy shopping!