...is the month of April. But...since I, personally, think that we need to be aware during ALL months-I still feel the need to blog about this on the last day of April.
Last night I attended a sexual assault awareness demonstration with several friends. The event was hosted by Take Back the Night, an organization that is canvassing to help communities create safe environments, respectful relationships and empowering survivors of sexual assault.
The event, itself, was very educational, enlightening and very emotional.
But also...scary.
Scary partly because many of these women didn't (and still don't) have people they feel they can trust enough to speak to. There were several women to 'speak out' whom have never talked about their experiences before! Not being a survivor (victim) of sexual assault myself, I can't (in the least) pretend to understand what these women have gone through and the shame that they feel because of it. What a lot of women don't understand is that-it's NOT their fault! No one DESERVES to be raped/molested/attacked. And, as one of my friends spoke out about, our language with one another doesn't help the problem.
Now for my confession (which isn't really a confession because I've actually told several people-although not in depth)... Even though I was never sexually assaulted, I am a survivor of physical, verbal and emotional domestic abuse (according to court records). It ended about 10 years ago but I let the relationship go on for 4 years too many. But I have 1 slight scar as a reminder to me that I am worth SO much more than what I was being given.
I've always chalked it up to 'I was young' but I think I always knew that I just wasn't sure of who I was and was looking for a place to fit in. I still haven't told my siblings or parents about it...although I'm not sure why... I guess I just didn't want pressure from them to make decisions I wasn't ready to make at the time. Since then, though, I've told boyfriends and friends so I know I'm capable of having that conversation with people.
I can safely say that I've never been in an abusive situation since-I'm a smart cookie and am pretty quick nowadays to notice the signs of 'control'. I also don't want my daughter to think that it's 'ok' to let someone treat you that way.
But because of last night, I know that I want to be the person that any of my friends/family/acquaintances can come to if they ever need to talk, help or just a shoulder to cry on.
Although...this did bring up a whole new realm of things I didn't want to think about and I couldn't sleep last night because all this was jumbling around in my head (about my own daughter):
What happens when she goes to college?
Her first frat party?
What about clubs? What's she going to wear?
What kind of friends will she be drawn to?
How can I instill in her that she deserves better than what 'society' says she should be allowed?
What about high school? Peer pressure to have sex/do drugs/smoke/drink?
What does she ACTUALLY think of me as a parental figure?
Am I doing a good job? Does she know she can talk to me about ANYTHING?
Does she actually think about/miss her dad?
Can I really do this alone? (the next 10 years, if needed)
Everyone needs reassurance...how can I help you? :)
Sexual Assault Awareness Month
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4 comments:
great entry... but being the outspoken bff that i am, i must make 2 comments. ;-)
1. even "smart cookies" are abused, over and over again; i worry that your statement implies that smarter = stronger.
2. it doesn't matter what she wears; she could be in a parka and it could still happen. it has nothing to do with sex appeal.
I was expecting as much... ;)
To answer your questions-I used smarter in the context of 'more wise'...knowing full well what the signs of an abusive relationship are and steering clear of it.
And...I was using the clothing example because I'm worried about the kind of person she'll be in the whole realm of things... What friends she'll hang out with and what influences (ie. clothing) they might have upon her.
Even though we don't like it, society bases your reputation on what you wear, what company you keep, where you go to school, what you drive, where you live, etc., etc.
It's disheartening...but true. :(
You are a great mother and role model. I don't know anything about raising kids but I would think as long as you have an open dialog with her you'll be fine. I wish my mom would have been more open to talk about things like sex and drugs but everything for her when she was growing up was hush hush, so that's what she did too.
Ehhh, you'll do fine, you need to start trusting yourself...
Awww...Thanks liverfire!
:)
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