The logistics of a bene-friendship

Yeah, you read that right. Let's delve into the realm of this somewhat tricky situation a bit...

I was having a conversation with a guy this weekend and he wondered why it would be impossible to have a FWB situation with a girl who was an ex or who cared about him.
Well, here's what we came up with:

You CAN be bene-friends with an ex...IF the breakup was mutual, IF it has been a period of time since the breakup, IF the duration of the relationship was short and/or IF you are both on the same page about the relationship as it stands now.
And I know what you're thinking-just like a girl, changing her mind. My defense-give me an educated reason as to why I should and I'll be willing to see the other side.
Plus, I think I came to realize that I was suppressing the reality that I have or have had a FWB situation with an ex (while I wasn't in a 'relationship') that actually worked out well for both parties involved. Sometimes it's nice to just have that person that knows you (more than just intimately), knows what you like and who, you know, will not pressure you for more.

But, I stand by my opinion that you CANNOT be bene-friends with an ex that still has feelings for you or just a friend that cares too much about you.
The guy I was talking to was confused as to why because he thought 'why not? you'd both be reaping the benefits of such.' I explained to him in hypothetical terms...
Say there is this girl that really likes you and wants to cross that friendship line with you. You, on the other hand, are NOT into her in that way. To sleep with her would just be using her. She would, of course, be game for this just as a reason to get close to you...maybe hoping that by having sex with her would convince you that you were missing out on something and you'd change your mind. In reality, you were using her as a means to an end.
This goes for girls too-I'm not being prejudice here.

So the important lesson here people is...be clear. Be VERY clear as to what you want and don't want of your friends of differing genders.

If you like them but don't want to be 'with' them, make sure you are both on the same page. Sometimes friendships get muddy if both people have feelings-wouldn't it just be easier to talk about it? Clear the air and hook up for God's sake!

If you want more from that person, you also owe them the chance to reject you, therefore changing the relationship, by telling them. This would constitute an honest friendship.

If you are confused about your feelings-don't go with the option that could possibly hurt the other person in the end. Telling someone that wants more than a friendship from you that you MIGHT have more feelings for them when, in case you actually don't, will only lead them to believe that there is a chance, when there may not be.

In the case that you have more feelings for someone on the friendship level-figure it out!!! Decide which relationship from them is most important to you and go with that one.

And, yes, it is possible to just have a nice friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I have a couple guy friends who are pretty great-that I don't sleep with. And...in some ways, I appreciate it more because things are uncomplicated. And I love uncomplicated. :)